Brothers for life, in soul and sea.
Now, I wanted as far away from it all as I could get.
Samson’s eyes were scanning my face, and I expected an argument, but instead, I got the opposite.
“Eli, sometimes a man who’s had the world ripped out from under him needs to find life again. You faced your mortality in a way you’ve never faced it before. Jesus, son, you were still on a cable that was wrapped around the damned mast when you helped those men. I know it came undone, but it might not have, so you’d have gone down with it, and we wouldn’t be having this conversation right now because we’d be preparing to bring your body home to your family. As much as it kills me to say it because fuck me, you’re one of the best I’ve ever worked with, but you need to find life again. And I agree, that’s not gonna happen with the Coast Guard.”
Months ago, those words would’ve hurt me. Now, they only added to the numbness.
When they’d had no choice but to detach the cable from the winch on the helicopter, I’d been able to get down from the mast onto the deck, but it’d still been wrapped loosely around it. I had enough length to swim out and get the men who’d been swept away from us, and then used it to pull us back to the side of the ship while we waited for the swimmers from the Cutter, Alex Haley. They’d been fighting high waves at the time, so when the boat started to sink, the cable had tightened and began to pull me down with it until it slipped loose.
Yes, it technically counted as a mistake on my behalf. I should’ve detached myself from it the second I got onto the deck, but if I had, we might have been swept away in the waves from the fifty-knot winds. I kept replaying it in my mind, though, confident that I’d fucked up from start to finish.
Like he was reading my mind, Samson added, “You did not do one thing wrong, E.T. We don’t know what’s gonna happen when we attend a situation, but that cable saved your lives.” Then, standing up straight, he looked at Jackson. “I’ve called your mother, she’s on her way with your dad. This one was wrong not to tell her, so he’s going to have some apologizing to do. See that he does.”
Jackson raised his eyebrows with surprise, but then a relieved smirk settled into place on his face. “Glad you did it. At least he can’t kick your ass.”
“He has,” Samson snorted. “Your brother’s an evil motherfucker when he fights.”
Anything else they said was lost on me. All I could do was replay the situation and what I could have done better. I understood what he was saying, and I appreciated it, but I’d done something wrong—I just didn’t know what.
“When you’re better, come by, and we’ll sort your shit out, Elijah. But you’re one of the family for life, even if you’re not here with us. Remember that.”
Chapter One
Sadie
Not waiting for the door to shut behind me, I backed into the corner of the room the cleaning supplies were kept in and covered my face with shaking hands. No one would ever know what it took out of me to act like I did behind the bar on my bad days.
To the world, I was the unshakable, confident Sadie Dahl. In reality, being behind the bar and interacting with people I didn’t know constantly was terrifying.
Taking in a deep breath and going through my therapist's advice from years ago, I tried to calm myself and lower my anxiety levels. Easier said than done!
I was on my second inhale as I focused on the mental image of a set of stone steps, counting each one as I climbed up them, when a deep voice came from right in front of me.
“I was advised to picture a daisy and count the petals as I pulled them off. I’m not sure what you’re counting, but usually, that one works for me.”
Doing two things at once when you’re close to a full-blown panic attack and freaking out about something wasn’t generally advised. Why? Well, what happened next would be exactly why. Dropping my hands to see who it was and assess the threat they presented while pulling my head back in a knee jerk reaction, ended up with me headbutting the wall behind me with a thud and seeing stars.
The pain was so bad I couldn’t ignore it and pretend like it hadn’t happened.
Letting out a squeal, I grabbed the back of my head. “Bugger, bugger, bugger.”
Wincing, Elijah took a tentative step toward me and raised his hand. “May I?”
I’ll give him credit, he kept his position until I nodded, reading me the whole time and waiting patiently until he had my permission. That was something I’d noticed the first time I’d met him—he respected boundaries and didn’t cross any until he was sure it was okay with the person. As someone who needed boundaries to be in place, I couldn’t put into words how much I appreciated this. Sure, he tested them frequently, but he still never overstepped.
I also appreciated hugely what his hand was doing on the back of my head at that moment. It was so good that my eyes almost rolled into the back of my head, and I felt like purring and drooling at the same time.
Instead, I leaned into where his wrist was at the side of my head, allowing him to reach a little farther across my scalp. “Where did you get those hands?”
His quiet laughter moved some of the hairs on the top of my head, and even that felt great. “I’ll tell you as soon as you pluck some damned petals off a daisy. I can see your pulse beating in your neck, you need to settle down a bit more.”
Realizing he was right—the know it all bastard—I pictured a daisy and started plucking petals. By petal eight, I was beginning to feel like I was getting a smidgeon of control back. By petal thirteen, I noticed my breathing wasn’t quite as fast as it’d been before. By petal twenty-one, I couldn’t feel the heavy thumping of my heartbeat in my chest like before.
“Holy shite,” I gasped, my eyes flying open. “It works!”
Opening my eyes was definitely a bad decision because Elijah was only about a foot away from me, his head bent down, bringing him close to me as he focused on what I was doing. This meant that I had a close up of his face and could see his pale green eyes up close. I wasn’t a fan of green, it was too… well, green, but the shade of his eyes went against my usual dislike of the color. Consider me a convert.
I was so busy studying the color of his eyes that it didn’t even bother me that he was frowning as he watched me staring at him.
Well, that was until he asked, “How hard did you hit your head?” and then covered an eye, then did the same on the other one, as he looked between them. “Pupils seem equal, and there are no obvious differences in reaction. Do you feel dizzy? Sick?”
Not following what he was doing, I shook my head, smacking my nose into the hand that was still in the air beside me. “No, why would I feel dizzy or sick?” Then I registered the hand that was still next to my face and asked warily, “What are you going to do with that? Shadow puppets?”
“I was going to get you to follow my finger, but I’m thinking I should probably get Parker to take a look at you. You’re weird normally, but you’re acting even weirder right now.”
That snapped me out of the Elijah haze. Narrowing my eyes at him, I lifted my foot and kicked him in the shin before he could take a step away. “You’re a dickhead normally, but you’re a complete and utter wanker right now.”