Which was of course when Cam turned and caught her standing there, very carefully dead center of the dock, hands to her pounding heart.
“Hey,” she managed with a pretty good false cheer, if she did say so herself. “Whatcha doing?”
“Swimming.”
This had her fear momentarily forgotten. “In the lake?”
“No, in the air.” He shook his head, a small smile playing around his mouth, but not making it to his eyes. “Yes, the lake. I swim it every day.”
“The whole thing?” she squeaked. “On purpose?”
He lifted a shoulder. “I’ve always used swimming to blow off steam.”
Well, hell. Something most definitely wasn’t okay. “What’s wrong?”
He didn’t answer, which meant—dear God—she was going to have to move closer.
Chapter 17
“I remember all my promises.”
Cam heard Piper’s question; he just had no idea how to answer. What was wrong? Every-fucking-thing, but that seemed overly dramatic, and he didn’t do dramatic. Or emotions. Not since he’d bottled everything up, including Rowan’s death, and shoved it down deep.
For him, it was the only way to deal. Keeping it deep, however, was proving all but impossible. Three-plus months. Three-plus months Rowan had been gone, and whoever had said time heals all wounds was full of shit.
“Cam?”
She’d taken another step toward him but was still only halfway to him. She was standing oddly, as if every muscle in her body was strung too tight and on high alert. He realized the wide-eyed look she was wearing meant she was too petrified to walk out on the dock to get closer to him, and yet she was doing it anyway, inch by inch.
For him.
He shook his head. “Go home, Piper. You’ve had a long day, you’re exhausted.”
She swallowed, but didn’t retreat. “Something’s wrong.” Her eyes were now once again locked on his, like he was the only thing keeping her sane, telling him without words what trying to support him was costing her. “I’m coming to get you.”
With a sigh, he rose and met her. Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, he started to lead her back to the shore.
She gulped hard and stopped him. “No. The other way. You weren’t done sitting out there.”
“You sure?”
She nodded, and not about to argue with her, he walked her to the end of the dock. He once again sat and hung his legs over the side, waiting for her to do the same.
Slowly, arms out, legs bent at the knees like she was a cat on ice skates on linoleum, she lowered herself onto all fours. She paused in that position for a long beat, then finally sat, hugging her knees to her chest.
To her credit, she didn’t push him to talk; she just reached out and took his hand in her clammy one and held tight, whether from sheer terror or wanting to comfort him, he wasn’t sure.
“You seriously swim the lake?” she asked.
“Usually twice.”
She gasped in horror, and in spite of what he was feeling, he smiled. “You think I’m nuts.”
She managed a small smile. “You’re my friend, and no matter what life choices you’ve made, I support you. Even if I think you’re nuts.”
He actually laughed when he hadn’t thought he could, and his frozen heart thawed a little bit. “Thanks for supporting my choices. FYI, I’ve just made another one.” Cupping her face, he kissed her, a soft kiss with a hint of a promise that he hoped she took him up on sometime. But it was her move to make, not his.
She put her hands over his and kept her eyes closed as she slowly pulled back. “You’re good at that. And I’m betting you’re good at all the stuff that goes with it.”
“There’s only one way to find out.”
She smiled. “I’d like that. But . . .” She opened her eyes. “Something’s wrong.”
He shrugged. Yeah, there was something wrong with him, probably a whole bunch of things, actually. But he didn’t have words for it right now. So he leaned back and stared at the water.
Piper leaned back too, carefully not looking at the water. “Winnie’s working on the house. And Gavin’s taking on some small jobs.”
“And you’re telling me this because . . . ?”
“Because we’re friends.”
“We are, but I know you now,” he said. “You’re telling me this because you want me to open up as well.”
“Yes.” She smiled, but her eyes remained serious. “Because otherwise I’m risking heart failure for nothing out here.”
She wasn’t joking. He could see her pulse leaping at the hollow of her throat. “I’m fine, Piper.” A lie, of course. He wasn’t fine. He’d been going through Rowan’s things. A macabre task, but his dad had asked him for help packing it all. Memories were one thing. Walking past Rowan’s bedroom every single day, which was practically a shrine to him, was another.
So Cam had taken that task on for his dad, which was how he’d found the engagement ring Rowan had bought to give to Winnie. His chest hurt at the thought. “I packed up Rowan’s things today.”
“Oh, Cam.” Her expression said she was still flipping out on the inside, but she was determined to help him. She scooted closer so that they were thigh to thigh, whispering “Oh my God, oh my God” to herself the whole time, before very slowly lowering her feet over the side of the dock to match his position.
He brought himself out of his own head enough to be impressed. “Are you doing what I think you’re doing?”
“Trying not to die? Then yes, I’m doing exactly what you think I’m doing.” She took a deep gulp of air. “We have this deal, a secret for a secret, right? So . . . I’m going to tell you another secret.”
“Now? While you’re shaking in your boots and trying not to throw up?”
She slid him a look.
He didn’t laugh, because she was serious.
“I’m afraid of the water,” she said.
“Hate to break it to you, but that’s still the same old secret you’ve pawned off on me three times now. I’m beginning to think you’re cheating.”
“Yes, but you asked what happened.” She paused. “I had a near miss here on the lake. Almost drowned.”
Ah, hell. Reaching out, he took her hand in his. “That would do it. When?”
“The year after my parents died. It was my fourteenth birthday party. My grandma had invited all my friends, and we spent the day outside by the lake. We were in canoes. I was with two other girls in one that was meant for only a single occupant.”
“Never good,” he said. “You rolled.”
“Oh, yeah. And panicked. One of the girls who I didn’t know very well held me down. She thought it was funny, but I was a terrible swimmer to begin with . . .” She shook her head. “I got turned upside down and couldn’t figure out which way was up, and I lost it. Spots were dancing around in my eyes, and just before everything went dark, I was scooped up and shoved to the surface.”
“The girl?”
“No. My grandpa.” She smiled a little. “He was sick and had been sitting on the porch of the house. He never paid any attention to us kids, but he had an eagle eye.” She shuddered with the memories. “It was the most terrifying moment of my life.” She paused. “He passed away shortly after that,” she said softly. “And I know it sounds melodramatic, but that was the last time I ever felt really safe.”