“Whoa.” He sets the tray down. “What the hell is going on?”
I point at the tray. “Looks like a nice setup to share with someone. I’m sure Amanda would love to be the one. Might want to wash your sheets first.”
I stalk for the door, and he grabs a pair of shorts, tugging them on as he follows me. “Hold on, Olivia—”
I grab my bag and keys. “No, Matt. There’s nothing to hold on to. I don’t do liars, and I don’t do cheaters.” I’m trying to maintain my fire, but as I meet his gaze, my eyes fill. “I told you not to hurt me. I told you how scared I was. You said I could believe in you. And you lied.”
“Olivia! Stop. You have this all wrong. Listen to me!” He reaches out toward me.
I scramble backward into the door and yank it open. “There’s nothing more to say except goodbye.”
I slip out the door and rush down the hall as fast as my legs can carry me.
Don’t look back. Do not look back.
I don’t believe in living life according to my fears, but this is one time I wish I would have.
7
Raine
Cameron Kang makes the perfect “I’m shocked” face as he steps inside The Draught Friday night, and despite my heartache, I can’t help but smile. This is anything but a surprise party, but no one else knows that. We—the AFE guys—all caved and told him what was up pretty early on, but we didn’t want to let his friends and family in on the surprise.
He covers his mouth with both hands, and I can’t help but laugh. “Oh my God,” he says loudly. “What is going on. I am so surprised by what is happening here.”
He’s turning thirty-three today. A former Marine, he joined AFE a couple of years ago. He’s our weapons specialist, he’s a K9 trainer, and he’s one of the coolest dudes I’ve ever met. I’m happy to ring in his birthday with him—even if the surprise part is a lie.
Even if I’m otherwise miserable.
The source of my misery isn’t here tonight, even though the vast spread of food she made that is definitely Asian-fusion is. There are huge containers of fried rice, fried spring rolls, egg rolls, stir-fry noodles, chicken wings, and plenty of other food. Olivia is a fantastic cook. I just wish I could tell her that.
The music is pumping, and everyone is having a great time.
Except me.
I’ve been trying to call Olivia all week. Trying to get her to listen to me. I understand why she wouldn’t want to talk to me, but at the same time, she’s got things all wrong, and I deserve the chance to defend myself. That she shut me out cold…hurts.
The only decent part of the past couple of days is the fact that I’ve been swamped. I’ve got a lead on some intelligence, so I followed it obsessively to gain more intelligence, and now I’ll be briefing members of the CIA and the NSA on Monday morning with my findings. I’m lucky in that when I have something to focus on, I can distract myself from other things going on and get focused.
In the meantime, I finally replied to Amanda’s text and got her on the phone and told her kindly but firmly that it is over between us, and that she needs to stop calling and texting, and that for my own mental health, I’ll be blocking her number. She responded, typically, with hurt and anger that I don’t want to see her again, but I can’t care less anymore. She’s in my past, and even though she’s not in my life anymore, she’s still fucking things up for me.
“Hey, man, cheer up!”
I glance up. The birthday boy himself stands in front of me, holding two pints from the keg we asked Devin to order. I muster a smile. “Hey, Kang. Just thinking about something.”
“What’s going on?” He slides into the booth, sitting across from me, and hands me one of the beers. That’s the kind of guy he is—if he sees you hurting, he’ll make time to talk with you, even if it’s at his own birthday party.
“Nah. It’s nothing.” I hold up my pint, smiling. “Here’s to a very jolly good fellow.”
“Damn skippy.” He clinks his glass to mine, sips, then looks me in the eye. “Now, seriously. What’s up, Raine? Don’t make me beat it out of you.”
In addition to being a general badass with weapons and dogs, Kang is a highly trained fighter and has studied a dozen different kinds of martial arts. He’s also tall and built, with thighs like tree trunks, and I know he could kick my ass without trying hard at all.
So, even though I feel horribly selfish doing so, I tell him what happened with Olivia and Amanda and the miscommunication.
Kang frowns. “Why the fuck are you here? You should be with her.”
“It’s your birthday party, man. Besides, did you miss the part where I said she wants nothing to do with me?”
“I heard that’s what you think is happening. But you can’t connect with someone the way you two did, and just…let it end. You said she’d been burned in the past—she’s probably scared as fuck right now, dude. You have to show her she really can trust you.” He jerks his head toward the window. “Go to her. It’s okay. I’ll let you make it up to me some other time.”
I chuckle. “How come you know so much about love?”
He shrugs. “I’m no expert. And obviously, I don’t have anyone. But if I did, and she was that special to me the way Olivia is special to you, I’d fight tooth and nail to keep her. I know you’re scared too, Matt. You got your heart tromped over, so you should know how she feels.”
“Yeah, I do,” I say. “And I know how being rejected feels. And it sucks.”
“Is she worth fighting for?”
I pause. I think about how Olivia feels in my arms, how she tastes. The sound of her laugh. The intellectual discussions we had, her sense of adventure.
How I love her.
“Yes,” I say quietly.
“Then go.” Kang points to the door. “Right now.”
I smile and huff a laugh. We bro-hug. “Thanks, man. I owe you.”
“I’ll never say no to someone owing me a favor. Get out of here.”
I don’t need to be told twice.
On the drive to Olivia’s apartment, I curse myself for my stupidity. I didn’t fight hard enough for her the past two days, but I guess my fear of rejection and heartbreak got the best of me. Now, I just hope I’m not too late.
I buzz her apartment for entry. A moment later, her voice comes over the little speaker next to the secure door with a staticky crackle.
“Matt? What do you want?”
“To talk,” I say. “Please. Give me a chance.”
There’s silence, then another crackle of static. “So talk.”
Okay, so she’s not going to let me in. “I know what you saw on my phone, and I don’t blame you for being upset, Olivia. But you have it all wrong. That was my ex. We ended on bad terms. It’s a long story that I’ll tell you later if you want to hear it. But she’s been trying to come back into my life, texting me repeatedly. I hadn’t answered her because—”
“Because you weren’t sure if you wanted to be with her.”