Joshua comes to my side to help me. “You’re not okay.”
“Cara, go put your shoes on, honey,” I tell her.
She gives me a strange look, shrugs, and heads out of the room.
I face Joshua. “Look, I had fun last night. I really did. I think you’re an amazing guy.”
His eyes shutter, as if a guard falls over them. “But.”
I swallow. “But this isn’t going to work.”
“Why not?”
“Because—because—”
“Because you think I’m just like your ex?” he says softly. “Because you think I’m going to break your heart? Break Cara’s heart?”
“Yes,” I say tremulously, unable to stop my eyes from filling with tears. “Yes, that is exactly what I think. And I don’t want to go through that again. I can’t get close to you, Josh.”
He reaches for my hand. “Rae, give me a chance to prove you wrong. Please. I—”
I draw my hand back. “I’m sorry. I’m just not ready. I don’t know if I’ll ever be.”
Joshua takes a step back. “I understand.”
I look up at him. His eyes are gentle, but there’s hurt in every line of him. My heart aches.
“Listen, Rae. Just let me say this and I’ll go.”
I try to swallow quietly but end up gulping loudly.
“I care about you,” he says. “I care about you a lot. And I know. I know. We just met two days ago. How can you possibly care about a person in two days? But sometimes you just know. Just like that.” He snaps his fingers. “I believe in love. And I believe in fate. And soulmates. And I believe I’m meant to love you.”
I clap a hand over my mouth, tears falling from my eyes.
“But I can’t love you the way I want, the way I believe you need, if you push me away. I won’t force you. I’ll never ask you to do something you don’t feel right doing. So if you want me to leave, I will. I respect you. I just needed you to know that.”
He backs out of the kitchen and head to the front door.
“Will you be here after school, Josh?” I hear Cara ask him, and my heart shatters a little.
“Probably not today, kiddo,” he says softly. “But I really loved meeting you, and I think you’re a very special little girl. Have a good day at daycare, okay?”
“Bye,” she replies sadly.
When the front door shuts, Cara walks into the kitchen. Tears trickle down her cheeks.
“What’s wrong?” I rush over to her.
“I didn’t want Josh to leave,” she says, and bursts into tears.
I swallow, pulling her into my arms. “Shh. It’s okay, honey. He—he has to go to work.”
I don’t tell her that I didn’t want him to leave either.
But it’s for the best. We don’t do love.
7
Hopper
Two days later
I lean back in my desk chair, dejectedly throwing crumpled-up pieces of paper into the recycling bin. Every six shots, I get up, retrieve my paper balls, return to my seat, and do it again.
“Hard at work defending the nation?”
I don’t even look up at the sound of Jackson’s teasing voice. “Yeah, I’m practicing my long-range attacks.”
“How come you’re so moody?” Jackson walks over, snatches one of my paper balls from midair, and throws it into the recycling bin. Then he pulls up a chair.
I glower at him. “You just ruined my streak.”
He lifts a brow. “If the highlight of your day is throwing paper balls into a recycling bin, there’s something wrong. I do have ways of making you talk, and you know you won’t like them.”
I roll my eyes, then sigh. “Not much to tell. I thought I met The One, she kicked me to the curb.”
“I doubt it happened just like that.” Tony lifts his ever-present mug to his lips.
I tell him everything that happened including this morning, leaving out the details of the best night of my life, and he nods slowly. “I see.”
“We don’t really have a life that lets us slow down much,” I say. “So I thought I’d never be in the right place at the right time to find the person I’m supposed to be with. And I know I’m supposed to be with her. But can one person be in the right place at the right time and the other person be in the wrong place at the wrong time?”
“I don’t believe in that. I believe everyone you meet is put there by destiny, so that you’re always in the right place at the right time, even if you think you’re not.”
“Then how do you explain this?”
Tony leans forward bracing his elbows on his knees. “I also believe the things most worth having don’t come easy. And you shouldn’t want them to, anyway. If you’re for certain that Rae’s the one, then you need to fight for her.”
“Well, I don’t believe in forcing people to do things they don’t want to do,” I reply.
“Showing her you’re a good man who can be a good friend isn’t forcing her to do anything.”
“It is when she doesn’t want to talk.”
“Then reach out to her,” Tony says. “Tell her you’d like to be there for her as a friend. All you can do is try.”
I sigh. “You make it sound so easy.”
“No, it’s not,” Tony says. “But if it means your happiness, then it’s all worth it.” He gets up and pats me on the shoulder.
I go through the rest of my day, feeling a little lighter. Maybe Tony’s right. Maybe by backing away so quickly, I’ve sent the wrong message. I care about Rae, and I need her to believe that.
I’m halfway through writing a text to her when suddenly the three conversation bubbles appear at the bottom of the message, indicating she’s writing. I freeze.
A moment later, a message pops up on the screen: Hi. I’d like to talk to you, but in person. Would you mind coming over tonight? I’ll make dinner.
I read the message over and over, hardly able to believe what I’m reading. Yes, of course, I reply.
We agree on a time, then I head out a little early to clean up. On the way to her house, I decide to stop and buy some flower—a larger bouquet for her, a small one for Cara. Maybe it’s a little corny, but I want to make the gesture all the same.
I head to her house. When I knock on the door, a little voice I’ve come to adore calls out, “Coming!”
Cara rips open the door and beams up at me. “Josh! I missed you!”
I lean down as she steps toward me, arms out, and give her a hug. “Missed you too, kiddo. Here, these are for you.”
“Wow.” Her eyes widen as she takes the small bouquet. “I never got flowers before.”
“Well, you’re only six,” I tease. “Give it time.”
“Come on!” she yells, tugging me inside.
Rae steps out of the kitchen, wiping her hands on a towel. She meets my eyes, and gives me a shy, sweet smile.
And suddenly, I’m whole again.
“Hi,” I say, then hold out the bouquet. “These are for you.”