“Was seeing,” Sully clarifies harshly, his jaw tight with obvious distress. He thrusts a hand through his hair before letting out a sigh and continuing with his explanation. “Last month we were having one of those conversations about exes and the stuff we’ve done and all that shit…”
“And you told him about me…”
Sully shakes his head regretfully and takes another sip of his beer. “I’m sorry, man. I shouldn’t have. I told him you weren’t out and were really private about things but I should have just kept quiet.”
I wave away his apology. “It’s fine.” It’s not like I expect everyone I’ve been with to sign NDAs or take magic mind-erasing pills or something. “But the tabloid knew I was involved with someone who works for me,” I say tentatively. “Did you tell him about Will?”
Sullivan shakes his head. “No, but I caught him with my phone a couple times. He must have seen some of our chats.”
I let out a heavy sigh, lifting a hand to rake through my hair. “Jesus, Sully. You caught him going through your phone and you didn’t think that was a red flag?”
“It was only a couple times and he always made a joke about how he’d gotten our phones mixed up or whatever.” He lifts his hands in a helpless gesture. “I just didn’t think to question it.”
I pin Sullivan with a forceful look. “You need to stop dating all these users, Sully. You’re so much better than that.”
“So I should just never trust anyone, ever?” he asks with a pointed arch of his brow.
His words hit me like punch straight to the gut and I throw my face in my hands, letting out an agonized groan. “I blamed Will. Oh my god, how the hell could I have blamed Will?” I drop my hands and glance desperately at Sullivan. “How is he ever going to forgive me?”
Sully offers a gentle smile. “Well, you could start by telling him you’re sorry.”
22
Will
* * *
I can’t help it. As much as I try not to let it, the moment I see Spencer standing there at the door of my apartment, my heart just burns with need for him. For the past five days I’ve been tamping it down as best I can; I’ve been telling myself what we had wasn’t really that special, I didn’t really fall for him. But obviously none of that’s worked. This is the first time I’ve seen him since that day, because I’ve been working for Emily this past week and as far as I know, Spencer’s hardly even been in the office.
He looks the least put together that I’ve ever seen him: there are gray circles under his eyes, his dark stubble is getting out of control, and the navy Henley he’s wearing is completely creased, as though he’s just grabbed it from a pile on the floor without a care for how it looks. Even so, I just barely manage to stifle the urge to step forward and throw my arms around him.
“Can we talk?” His voice is hoarse, a little shaky. I can feel the emotion of those three words right down to my bones.
Finally managing to get my swirling feelings under control, I offer a stiff nod. “I guess.” I step aside and gesture for Spencer to enter the apartment.
“Spencer, honey! How nice to see you,” my mom says brightly from the kitchen as she notices him.
Her friendly greeting clearly takes him aback for a moment, but he recovers masterfully. “You too. How are you, Claire?”
“Wonderful, honey. Can I get you anything?”
He waves her away. “No, I’m fine. I just need to talk to Will for a moment.”
My mom nods and returns to the pasta she’s making, while I lead Spencer toward my bedroom, closing the door behind us.
“She doesn’t know?” he asks, clearly curious about my mother’s behavior.
I shrug. “She never knew we were together. Why would I tell her we broke up?”
He nods his acceptance of that logic, his mouth turned down in a slight frown. Then his expression transforms and he offers me a hesitant smile. “She’s doing a lot better since the last time I was here.”
I nod. “Yeah. She seems to be getting better every day.”
“That’s good. I’m glad to hear it.”
I let out a heavy sigh. “Did you come here to talk about my mom?”
“No.” He takes a seat at my desk chair and I sit across from him on the edge of my bed. “I came to apologize. I know it wasn’t you who tipped off the tabloid.”
I just barely manage not to roll my eyes and shoot back a “well, duh.” Instead I fix him with a penetrating look. “How do you know?”
“It was Sullivan’s boyfriend. Or ex-boyfriend, I guess.”
I feel the breath knocked out of me, like I’ve just been hit in the stomach. Right, so if someone else hadn’t come forward he’d still be assuming it was me…
“Don’t…” he says in a desperate tone.
“Don’t what?” I all but snap.
“Don’t think what you’re thinking.”
I scowl at him. “You’re a mind reader now?”
“Will…”
“When did you decide it wasn’t me?”
He averts his eyes and I know I’ve made the correct assumption. He lets out a heavy sigh and returns his gaze to mine. “Just hear me out…please?”
There’s so much emotion swirling in those hazel eyes I can’t bring myself to deny his request. “Fine.”
Reaching out, he takes my hands in a gentle grip, running his thumbs over the back of them. I feel the heat of his touch spreading through every inch of my body; I want to pull my hands away because this so isn’t fair, but it’s like they have minds of their own and they want to be where they are. There’s nothing I can do about it.
“I’m sorry,” Spencer says. “I should have never accused you. I should have never even thought it. It’s just...I’ve had so many people let me down, leave me, break my trust. And then there was you. And for some reason I found it just so easy to trust you. And I don’t do that. I don’t find it easy to trust people…ever.” He pauses for a moment, letting his eyes fall closed as he draws in a steadying breath, then he opens them again and all I can see is regret and anguish. “When I saw the article and logic told me you were the only person who could have provided that information, I went back into default mode. I thought I’d been blinded by my love for you or something. I didn’t stop to think about all the reasons why I love you and how they would make it impossible for you to ever do something like this. The truth is, I don’t think it was ever really about not trusting you, Will. It was about not trusting myself.”
Okay, wow. I stare at him for a long moment, just trying to gather my thoughts after hearing such a declaration. “Did you practice that in the limo on your way here?” I finally ask.
“Actually, I took the subway tonight. But, yeah, I might have practiced it a little.”
I blink at him in surprise. “You took the subway?”
He shrugs. “Isaac’s daughter had a dance recital tonight, I didn’t want him to miss it so I let him have the afternoon off.”