Meira falls still. Her chest rises and falls rapidly with her fear. Still, a rumble rolls past her throat.
Bardhyl half-grins, but I can tell it’s a struggle. “She’s a fighter, my angel legs.”
Dušan suddenly jerks forward, his mouth and teeth instantly latching on to the side of Meira’s neck. He bites down. Not to kill her, but to hold her to the ground of his own force. To assert dominance, to get the wolf to back the fuck down.
Bardhyl and I release her. This is something that is done by Alpha and Omega. If Meira can’t control her wolf, then Dušan will take charge for now.
Threatening growls punch through the silence.
Meira doesn’t move, her wolf well aware that such a bite could kill her, so she sits in silence.
And Dušan will force her down for as long as it takes for her to submit.
Bardhyl clenches his jaw, watching them.
Waiting.
Come on, little one. Just give in.
A brutal wind rushes past, rustling the branches, chilling my skin. All I can think about is the hardship Meira has been through her entire life. Losing her family. Surviving alone in the woods. Not understanding why she was different. And now to see her on her side on the ground like this makes me sick to my stomach.
I don’t know how long we’ve waited, but when finally a faint whimpering from Meira emerges, relief washes over me.
Moments later, her body morphs and stretches. Dušan pulls back, sitting on his heels.
Bardhyl and I approach her. All of us are on our knees around her as she transforms.
In a heartbeat, our soulmate lies on the ground between us, curled in on herself, naked, bruised from her earlier assault on the undead.
She cranes her head up and looks at each of us, the wolf still in her eyes.
I’ve never seen her this frightened, and her reaction carves through my heart.
“I-I t-thought, I’d never…” Her words fade and tears stream down her face. The terror of knowing she was stuck in the wolf would have been petrifying.
Dušan swoops her into his embrace, an arm cradled under her knees, the other at her back, and she curls against his chest. Her soft cries are blades to my throat.
“I’m so sorry,” Dušan whispers to her.
I’ve never heard him apologize, but the heartbreak in his voice has me choking up.
Bardhyl is just as lost in his thoughts, in his misery of what we almost lost today.
On the way back to the cave leading to the tunnels, the herd of zombies from the earlier massacre wander through the woods. There are so many of them, it leaves me uneasy. My pulse spikes because in truth, I can’t tell if they’re under Meira’s control or wild creatures.
Regardless, the four of us keep a quick pace to our cave without a sound. As we enter, I glance back.
At least three dozen zombies thread through the woods, trailing after us, moaning, lurching, leaving blood in their wake.
Bardhyl’s face blanches. “You think they’re the safe ones?”
“I fucking hope so,” Lucien replies. Then we waste no time rushing to the bunker in the tunnels.
MEIRA
Darkness still clings to my mind like cobwebs. Even lying in bed in the underground room with my three wolves, I can’t shake off the sensation of being swallowed by the dark, falling deeper and deeper. That’s how it felt being under my wolf’s strength.
The terror rose through me so jagged and fast, I swore that would be the last of me. All I pictured was the wolf running into the woods and I’d forever be trapped in my own mind.
I shiver while Dušan wipes my brow with a damp cloth. He sits on the edge of the bed while Lucien covers me with a blanket and Bardhyl sticks another pillow at my back.
“I’m sorry,” Dušan says.
It’s strange to hear those words from a powerful Alpha. He forced my wolf into submission to help me emerge, and I owe him everything. But there’s pain etched over his face, and he’s thinking of our conversation in the woods before I transformed. It’s in his eyes, the burden that carries the weight of the world. It’s been on my mind, too.
I reach over and take his hand in mine, bringing it to my chest. “What happened is not on any of you.”
He’s shaking his head. “I should have asked if you had given your wolf free rein before I asked you to transform again. The blame is on no one but me, as I knew better.” The grief in his voice splinters my resolve.
“You don’t get to say that when everything is chaotic outside. When we barely get two moments to think things through.” I lift his hand to my lips. “We can’t succeed if you’re going to start hating yourself.”
Lucien and Bardhyl sit on the bed too, moving closer, but keeping quiet for now.
“Meira, do you understand what happened today?” Dušan explains, his voice thin.
I lick my dry lips and nod. “I have zero control over my wolf, basically.” My voice cracks.
He leans in, sliding loose strands of hair from my brow. “When you push your wolf away too often without establishing trust, you lose the ability to control your animal forever.”
I stare at him. “What do you mean by forever?” Already, my stomach twists in on itself. For so long, I craved to release my wolf, and now that I have, I’m about to lose her once again. All because of my fear.
My throat chokes.
The corners of his mouth pinch. “It means that you can shift of your own free will, but when you do, the wolf will control you in animal form. You will struggle to change back, just as you did today. I’m sorry.” He pauses, breathing heavily. “In our eyes, you’re still a wolf, still one of us.”
I blink away the tears threatening to spill and glance from one Alpha to the next, each staring at me with pity. And I hate myself for wanting the world to open up so I can drown in my tears. I’ve always been strong, always come through any adversity.
I’m a survivor.
But no matter how many times I tell myself that, I can’t stop the tears. Dušan reaches over and catches one as it rolls over my jaw.
“So I can’t really transform again, can I?” I ask in a faint voice.
He lowers his gaze and nods. “It’s safer if you don’t.”
“That’s not great news,” I croak, and my attempt at smiling to push away the dread feels forced and lopsided. Before I know it, I’m sobbing in my hands. Deep, heart-wrenching crying, like my chest is cracking wide open.
My three men close in around me, holding me while I cry for the loss of something I only gained recently. I feel stupid for letting this upset me so much when I grew up without my wolf. Except the first couple of times I did transform awakened something inside me. A primal side, and for the first time in my life, I felt complete. Now it’s been ripped away, and what’s left is me.
The broken girl with no wolf.
My sobs grow louder as reality settles in. I’ll no longer be able to trust my wolf. And I loathe myself for making such a horrible mistake that has cost me so much. For letting fear restrain me.
I don’t know how long we stay huddled close, but when I finally lift my head and wipe away the tears, I’m determined to make a difference with what I have.
Glancing up at my three Alphas, I say, “Let’s focus on getting our pack back, then we can deal with all this crap. I didn’t go through all that with my last transformation to have it wasted. There are over a hundred undead out there under my control. And I’m fucking angry, and I want to destroy something… or someone called Mad.” My voice trembles.