“Thanks for helping with the groceries.”
Connor headed for the door, and just as he was about to yank it open, he glanced over his shoulder. “Whatever happened to Ethan? I’ve been back in town a few weeks now and haven’t seen him. Did he leave the area?”
Emily slowly shook her head. “No. He’s on the other side of the lake. We don’t see him all that often.”
“Him and Rick were tight, from what I remember.”
“They were,” she replied softly.
“Funny,” Connor said, opening the door. “I always thought you and Caldwell would end up together.”
“Why would you say that?” she asked, her tone sharp, her voice high.
He looked confused for a moment. “I just meant that Ethan used to make you laugh. You guys seemed to get along real good. Even from my corner of the cafeteria where all the geeks ate their lunch, I could see it. That’s all.” He paused. “It was nice seeing you, Emily. Maybe we’ll run into each other again.”
She closed the door behind Connor and leaned back against it, eyes closed as she struggled to calm herself. He was right. Ethan had always been able to make her smile. He’d always had the right words to make her feel better, even when Rick had upset her by flirting with another girl or saying something stupid. He’d been so different back then, though she supposed they all had. She stared at the floor until memory took it away.
“What’s wrong, Em?” Ethan slid onto the bleachers beside her and put his arm around her.
“Jackie told me that Rick made out with some random girl at the party Saturday night after I left. I didn’t believe her. I told her she was jealous that Rick liked me and not her. But then just now in the bathroom, I heard Sally O’Neal tell Julie Wright that she saw Rick go into the boathouse with Breanne Mason. Said they were in there for at least half an hour, and when he came out, he was zipping up his pants.”
“Don’t believe them,” Ethan said, pulling her closer.
“Why shouldn’t I?” she asked, looking up into his face.
“Because you’re the girl he’s crazy for. He’d have to be an idiot to screw that up .”
“But Rick is an idiot sometimes.”
“That’s true,” Ethan replied with a chuckle. “But you’re his girl, and he knows I’ll kick his ass from here to the moon if he hurts you.”
She rested her head on his shoulder. “Why are you always so nice to me?”
“That’s an easy one, Em.” Ethan winked. “I’m crazy about you too.”
The memory washed over Emily, leaving an ache so big and bold, she had to sit down. Her hunger forgotten, she cuddled up with Bilbo and stared out the window as a fierce wind tugged leaves from the trees and scattered them across her yard. The sun made its trek across the sky, and dusk chased away the light, bringing with it a dark, moonless night.
She must have fallen asleep because she awoke with a start, cold and shivering and nauseous. Despair, or something close to it, settled in her heart, and she sank deeper into the sofa. How had she ended up here? Alone and sad, with no purpose. What kind of life did she have? What kind of life would she give this child?
Her hands drifted over her flat stomach, and when Bilbo whined, something so fierce and protective rose up in her that she began to shake. The dog settled his head against her belly and angled his head up at Emily with a look that sometimes freaked her out because it felt as if the dog could look into her soul.
There was a life here. A life she was responsible for. And maybe she was on her own. Maybe she’d have to do this without any help whatsoever. But so what? The truth was that she had so much love to give, and it was dying inside her. Didn’t her child deserve that? Didn’t he or she deserve at least one parent who gave a crap?
Angrily, she swiped at her face and got to her feet. She put away the groceries that still sat on her counter and made herself a ham and cheese sandwich. She was done feeling sorry for herself. She couldn’t afford to be.
She was having a baby, and judging from Ethan’s reaction, she was having this baby alone. It was time she stopped ignoring that fact.
It was time she stopped being selfish and started living again.
Chapter Three
Ethan made the trip to Crystal Lake a couple of times a month. Generally, it was to catch up with his folks and put their minds at ease, grab some groceries, and take care of any other kind of business that needed taking care of, like banking. He wasn’t the kind of guy who did that stuff online and preferred paper checks as opposed to the virtual kind.
Which was the purpose of his visit today. He’d delivered the shovelhead to a client the next county over, and with a large check in hand, he’d swung by the bank. He made the deposit, paid some bills, and kept his head down and eyes averted. It was the best way to avoid conversation. He was still reeling from Emily’s bombshell and in no mood to speak to anyone. The problem being that old Mrs. Murray wasn’t having any of it, and he’d barely taken two steps away from the bank teller when she cornered him near the exit. She was on her way inside and there was no way to avoid her.
“Why, Ethan Caldwell, I haven’t seen you in ages. How you been keeping out there on the lake?”
Mrs. Murry had been his kindergarten teacher. She was a member of his parents’ church and had run the Sunday school as long as he could remember. He’d known her all his life, it seemed. She was a nice lady. A little nosy, but nice.
“I’m good,” he replied, cracking a smile.
She tugged back the edge of her bright blue wool hat and peered up at him with faded gray eyes that saw everything. For the longest time, she said nothing, and he shuffled his feet, feeling the weight of her gaze. The woman had a knack for seeing through the bullshit, and Ethan decided it was time for him to leave, but she put her hand on his arm and kept him in place.
“You should come back to church, Ethan. I think it will do you some good.”
He attempted another smile, but it fell flat. “I appreciate the concern, Mrs. Murray, but church isn’t what I need.” He paused. “No offense.”
“None taken.” Her hand fell away from him, and she squared her frail shoulders. “You might not be feeling spiritual these days, but you need something, and the Lord’s house is always a good place to start. I know things must be hard for you with Rick’s passing.” She took a step back and smiled. “We have a new pastor. Did you know that?”
He shook his head and grumbled, “No.”
“A young man from California. Mansfield Davis is his name. Isn’t it wonderful? Like a moniker out of some novel.” She winked. “He’s been good for our membership, especially with the young ones. They’ve been coming back in droves. I think you’d like him. He used to be a musician, if you can believe it, before his calling.”
Ethan cleared his throat and nodded toward the door. “I really have to get going.”
“Well, I won’t keep you, then, but take care, and hopefully we’ll see you out one Sunday. I know it would ease your mother’s mind. She does worry about you so.”
With a curt nod, Ethan left without another word. This was why he didn’t come to town. He didn’t need help or God or Mrs. Murray poking her nose into his business and reporting back to his mother.