West reached into his pocket and I tensed, expecting the worst. He handed me a black credit card with Du Lac Enterprises written in silver, and my name written above it.
“There is no limit,” he said simply.
I flexed my jaw. I didn’t want this. I didn’t want any of this.
“Your girl will be here every morning.”
“I have servants. Guards. An allowance. This is all very nice.”
“I told you we take care of our mistresses.”
Right. Take care.
His bite mark still throbbed on my neck, painful and humiliating.
“What happened earlier?” I changed the subject.
He forced me flush against the window.
“You spoke out of turn.”
“That wasn’t what I meant. What happened after I left? I agreed to this because Grayson was supposed to be safe—his family safe.”
I couldn’t say the word prisoner. It was too surreal.
“He is. They are. But did you think that the stunt you pulled at the Nutcracker Masquerade would have no consequences? That’s naive, even for you.”
West gripped my chin, and on instinct I shoved him. Mistake.
He gripped my wrists. “You need to learn your place, Angel,” he gritted. “I can’t protect you—”
“If I refuse to understand the rules.” I fought the urge to roll my eyes, but by the way his grip tightened I’m sure he got the gist.
West was a number of things, but he was not my protector.
He thrust me to him by my wrists until we were flush against one another. “Who needs to die for you to realize this isn’t a game? That your kisses have consequences?”
I breathed through my nostrils, refusing to answer him.
I know. He thinks I’m not aware of how precarious my love for Grayson is? I was viscerally aware. I’d barely been back hours and nearly ruined everything.
The ways I was allowed to love Grayson kept dwindling.
“Don’t get any ideas about leaving this wing.” His grip bruised. “Don’t wander the halls without me. Don’t speak unless explicitly addressed.”
My heart raced. “Or what? This has been my home for over a decade.”
A look passed over his eyes, but then he let me go.
“Have you given my proposal some thought?” He dragged a thumb along the edge of his square jaw, watching me. Waiting.
I’ll kill him before I let that happen.
I looked away.
“You loved me once,” he said softly, one knuckle glancing the fresh bite on my neck. “Be my angel, fall for me.”
I jerked my head away. “You are not my god, and I will never bleed for you.”
He clenched his jaw, nostrils flared, and I took a step to him, feeling a little bit more empowered. I raised my chin.
“You want my heart, West? How do you think I or anyone could ever love you if all you do is lie?”
“Grayson Crowne tells you the truth?” He smiled venomously. “Is that why you’re so curious as to what happened while we were gone?”
I know Grayson has another secret.
Something was very wrong.
But I could feel Grayson’s truth bleeding from him in a way that West would never understand. Our connection went beyond simple truth and lies. I just had to wait for him to tell me why his eyes ached.
So I stood taller. “He tells me all his truth. Grayson Crowne is more honest than you will ever know how to be. Because you’re wrapped in so many lies, I’m starting to wonder if even you know the truth.”
His eyes flashed.
“I tried to warn you,” he yelled. “All those months ago…I told you he would marry her, and I told you this is all you could ever have. A place at my side.”
His words stabbed my kidney. Stabbed that constant, needling fear…that maybe he was right. Maybe no matter how hard Grayson and I fought, we wouldn’t ever win.
“I’m not at your side, am I West?” I said softly. “I’m behind you. Voiceless. The only reason you ever chased me was because you wanted to ruin me all over again. From the very beginning, this has never been about love. It’s been about greed. Stop lying.”
“You want me to stop lying?” he asked. “Fine. I was only ever allowed to marry you because my father saw an opportunity. I could ruin your reputation and spend months looking for a coin right under your nose. It was the perfect plan.”
He’s been looking for that long? He had a months’ long head start on us. I tried to swallow back my hollow fear.
West tilted his head, reading me. “You can get so much accomplished when your wife loves another man.”
“Was anything real?” I whispered.
He gave me a look. “I don’t know, Angel, was it?”
I looked away. “I was honest with you. I told you I didn’t love you. You pretended to love me. You used me. Stop saying you love me, it’s over, you won—”
“You think I’ve won?” he growled. “I won’t have won until you love me again.”
“Then I guess you’ll always be a loser,” I gritted, “because there is no happily ever after for you.”
Silence descended, the sound of a soft wind blowing sand and snow along the beach outside.
Then he smiled, but his eyes were cold. “This is our happily ever after, Angel.”
Eighteen
STORY
I can’t stop thinking about Grayson on his knees. I went to church once, when my mom was seducing a pastor. The image of Christ on the cross still haunted me.
Naked.
Head down.
Suffering.
In my dreams, I saw Grayson this way. Thrown to his knees over and over again, the memory distorted.
I wished I could write Grayson more than anything, but I had no phone. No way of contacting him. Curious, I opened up my nightstand to see if Grayson’s notebook was still there…
It was.
I fingered the worn leather. If I couldn’t write him directly, I would write alongside his old words.
Dear Atlas,
The night we kissed you shone like a god.
I remember thinking you were cruelly, fatefully designed like only a god can be.
Angels will do anything for their god, right?
Fight, fall, bleed.
But angels aren’t supposed to kiss their god, and I did.
I kissed the lips of a god, so fate punished us.
The constellations ripped themselves apart.
Reworked and remapped;
Their paths hidden from us.
You are divine, so we were divinely punished.
But I will wander the heavens for eons until I find those secret trails.
There aren’t enough stars in the universe for us to cross.
The door creaked, and I scrambled up, dragging my sheets with me and chucking the notebook under my pillow just as West entered the room.
“You’re awake.” He looked…sheepish? Rubbing his neck, looking up at me through thick lashes. “Merry Christmas, Angel.”
He was still in pajamas, red and green plaid with little Christmas trees. He looked…innocent. No sooner had I noticed the arm securely tucked behind his back, then he brought out what was hidden, shoving a poorly wrapped red satin present into my hands.
I stared at it, trying to banish the thought that he had wrapped it himself. “What is this?”