At some point, Sloane seemed to tire of pacing, or maybe of being observed, and she said that they should all turn in, rest, and heal, particularly since she intended to go out the following night.
Without waiting, she went to what seemed to be a staircase around the corner. One last glance at Lance saw him shrug, and it supported Luke’s idea that Sloane had something in mind.
Two stories up, they arrived in a place with a large living room area and a kitchen, but Sloane didn’t stop and went through the hall, until they reached the rooms. The one she entered had a large window with a view of the dawn creeping over the horizon. “You have a private bathroom behind that door. There’s always something in the kitchen to eat. You should rest, and we can pick up where we left off after some sleep. I don’t think we’ll be able to access the tunnel for a long time, especially after that explosion. It must be swarming with tons of people as we speak, and the traffickers will probably change plans after what just happened.”
Luke nodded, agreeing with what she was saying, but it was more her body language that caught his attention. She was lying about her intentions, and he had to call her out on it.
He looked around the room. The air was cool over his half-naked body. He needed a shower like his next breath, and food wouldn’t hurt, but his mind was filled with Sloane.
Subtly, Luke placed himself between her and the door, blocking any type of retreat. “So you’re going to go into the next room and sleep too?” Innocent enough question, but one he knew would be revealing.
She shifted on her feet. “We both need to sleep.”
“That’s not the question I asked.”
“You’re a stickler for details, professor.”
“Unquestionably one of my finer traits, Miss Friday. I know you’re trying to reassure me so you can slide out without me knowing, or even without your friend Lance stopping you. You worried about the blow to my head. Now it’s my turn to worry about you.”
“A blow to the head can be dangerous.”
“Melina told me that she wasn’t worried about a concussion, and ruled it a cut. She’ll check up on me later.”
A low whine came out of her, and before Luke could decipher what it meant, Sloane made a move to leave, which he blocked. “You wished to go somewhere?”
“It’s none of your business.” Tension and annoyance filled her body. It was clear for him to see.
“I beg to differ. The moment you came to me, and I agreed to participate, we became each other’s businesses. Don’t tell me you wouldn’t question me to death if I wanted to go on a mysterious ride alone.”
“It’s personal.”
“Even more if that’s so.”
There was no doubt that she could be stubborn about that, but Luke wasn’t letting anything go. “If you want to go, I’m going with you.”
Desperation seeped through her annoyance, until she finally let herself fall on the bed. “I’m being stupid. Nobody will be there this early anyway.”
Luke sat beside her. “Be where?”
“Why do you want to know? It’s not important. Has nothing to do with our mission or why I asked for your help.”
It was impossible for him to express his craving to know more about the woman. Sloane simultaneously intrigued and frustrated him, and that was beyond the constant pull he experienced when close to her. Through the swirl of emotions, the most basic need he had was to touch her, to have that connection with a woman who appeared like a living flame, both fragile and lethal.
The hand went to the bedspread, close enough so he could touch her thigh, establishing a contact he needed to reach for her.
“Each time I go out, into the bowels of the city, fighting the bad guys out there, I don’t do it because I’m strong, but to prove to myself that I’m no longer weak.”
Luke almost stopped breathing at the cryptic words, and he reminded himself to be patient and allow her to tell her story at her own pace.
“I told you a little bit about my family, but in reality, I don’t really think about them. Not that I don’t care, but there are too many bad memories linked to my childhood. I don’t hate them. It’s just that when you wish for another life so desperately, you don’t want to go back to the place you fought so hard to leave. One of the reasons I became a cop was because if I didn’t care about my family, then I could care for the people of my city.”
Still she didn’t look at him, but Luke was damned if he was going to interrupt her as she opened up to him.
“It was hard work, so hard when I couldn’t help everyone who crossed my path and stop all the monsters in the shadows. It took a toll on me, and I couldn’t accept it. Call me an idealist or plain stupid, but instead of taking a step back and accepting reality, I pushed forward.”
“You’re not stupid.”
Sloane gave him a sad grin. “I wish I could agree with you but I can prove you wrong. I worked tirelessly, way past the point I should have, and it still wasn’t enough. So I searched for other ways to continue and not falter, and the way I found was drugs. It was stupid and the worst thing I could have done. That was the beginning of me spiraling out of control. It was as if my body and brain had become disconnected. I didn’t think it possible to become a stranger to myself, but it happened. I thought taking that shit gave me a clearer mind, more energy, more insight. Only I was dead wrong.
“I wouldn’t have realized the path I was on if my captain hadn’t confronted me with what I was doing. I was too far gone when he forced me to resign, for my own good, and to preserve whatever reputation I had left. The trouble was, without the clear-cut lines of the police force, I was like a boat without a rudder. I don’t want to remember who I was during that period of my life, but I know I wouldn’t have survived it if not for a woman who befriended me and gave me a second chance.
“Her name was Beatrice, and she founded Purgatory. I worked for them until Beatrice’s death. To my surprise and salvation, I found a new purpose, and after that balance and newfound strength. When Lance founded Noctem, I followed him, but I’m no longer that blind idealist, and I’m very aware of my weakness. I’ve been careful and haven’t had a lapse since then.”
Luke swallowed. “That’s where you wanted to go? To get drugs?”
A strangled laugh came out of her throat. “No, but the pull was there. I’d hoped the support group I researched would be open. I checked them out just in case I needed it.”
Side by side, looking forward, Sloane surprised Luke by putting her hand beside his, their pinkie fingers touching. Luke couldn’t touch her now, reach for her, and take her hand for fear she’d shut down again.
“If it’s what you need, we can find one. A psychiatrist, a doctor.”
Blue eyes finally met his gaze. “Why are you doing this? We’re pretty much strangers. I’ve put you in danger, and there’s nothing you can gain from helping me. So why?”
He turned to her, pushing a tumbling strand of pink off her face with his free hand. “Is it really important? To be honest, I don’t know, and it doesn’t make sense, but I prefer to focus on the moment, what is truly important. You matter to me, Sloane. We don’t know what tomorrow will hold, and it would take a lifetime to uncover each other’s secrets. The only thing we have for sure is now, here, together. I want to help you. If you need to uncover the tunnels’ secrets, I’ll help. If you need to find someone to help curb your addiction, I’ll help there too.”