“A while back, Anderson and I were sent on a similar job, just like this one. The girl… Reba… we knew her from before. She was a childhood friend, and I guess you could say even more than that, a childhood sweetheart. We lost touch as adults, but this job and her needing protection brought us back together. It was like everything lit up again, I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. Anderson went out one night, to get supplies, as we needed to stay hidden longer than we initially thought, so Reba and I remained alone at the safe house. I don’t know how, but one thing led to another, and we ended up… well, doing what no one should be doing under those circumstances. We had no idea we were being watched, and after it, I guess I fell asleep. I just remember her arms around me, and me drifting off to sleep. What I woke up to was her dead body lying next to me, with a note crumpled up in her left hand.”
“What did it say?” I whisper, not sure if I should say anything, but I couldn’t keep quiet.
“Stay awake next time.”
“Was it - “
“Sven, yes.” He sighed sadly, deeply. “So, you see he was mocking me. But, that didn’t matter. What mattered was that he was right. Reba’s blood was on my hands. I should have kept her safe, and I failed to do that. I’m just wondering why they hadn’t killed me as well. They could have easily.”
I knew why they didn’t, but I doubted he wanted to hear that, especially now.
“That’s why I can’t relax,” he finally explains. “I can’t be like Anderson. I can’t chat about unimportant things, because I’m afraid that I’ll relax too much, and I won’t be on guard anymore. I can’t lose anyone else.”
“I trust you,” I tell him softly, surprised by my own words.
The realization of what he just told me touched my heart. He was responsible for someone dying. I couldn’t even imagine how that must feel, how it must keep him up at night. The sight of someone’s lifeless body next to you, someone whose life you were supposed to save. I shudder at the thought of knowing what that feels like.
“You should only trust yourself,” he corrects me. “Because, one way or another, we are all alone. We are born alone, we die alone, and occasionally, someone comes along, who might make that loneliness a little less tangible. But, life is one big solitude.”
“That’s a sad way of looking at things.”
“Sad or not, that way of thinking keeps you alive.”
“But, just because we talk about something in a nice way, doesn’t mean that we’re not being careful.”
“We’re being reckless. Our guard is down. We’re focusing on something else, something that isn’t a priority. We’re getting closer to each other, and that’s never a good thing under these circumstances.”
It saddens me to think this way, but I understand where he is coming from. He doesn’t want to get close to me, to anyone really, and I can’t blame him. But, at least, it’s good to know that it’s nothing personal. I haven’t done anything to cross him.
“I understand,” I smile. “I’ll let you do your job from now on, and I won’t be a nuisance.”
“I never said you were a nuisance,” his voice made me blush. “Just stop thinking I hate you. Please.”
“Deal,” I grin.
“Well, alright then, if everything is OK now, I guess I’ll go out on the porch, and just watch. Anderson should be coming later in the afternoon, maybe even in the evening. Do you need him to get you something while he’s in the city?”
“No, I’m good,” I nod. “But, thank you.”
He nods, with his lips pressed tightly together. I still can’t read him. At least, not like I can read Anderson. But, scratching on the surface of this reclusive man has brought me unexpected pleasure. Like he is a box that needs to be kept closed all the time, otherwise both good and bad things might come out of it.
As I watch him close the front door, I wonder what would happen if that box were to open. Would it frighten me? Or, would I welcome what comes with open arms?
Chapter 11
Early in the evening, I hear the same sound of the car once more, but I don’t rush outside. I’m still in my bed, reading my book. My legs are tingling. They want me to run into the kitchen, and start a conversation with Anderson. I want to ask him what he’s been up to. I want to see him smile, and tell me again that I shouldn’t worry about anything. But, I remember Fynn’s words. We shouldn’t get close to one another. None of us. We need to stay on our toes. We need to focus on the fact that this isn’t a vacation. He said so himself. We’re in danger, at any waking moment, and we shouldn’t do anything that prevents us from focusing on that.
I’m still holding the book in my hands, but I can barely focus on the plot and what the protagonist is going to do next. I couldn’t care less. My ears are pricked up, focusing on even the slightest noise coming from the outer side of my closed doors. Suddenly, I feel thirsty and I see that the little pitcher of water by my bedside is empty. I get up, without thinking and grab it, walking to the kitchen.
Anderson is already there. He hasn’t even taken his jacket off yet. There’s a big, brown paper bag on the counter, overspilling with greenery and colorful bags.
“I know you guys didn’t say to get anything, but I figured we could do with some chips and salsa,” he grins at me.
“You’re reading my mind,” I say.
“I did get some fruits and vegetables, too,” he adds, defensively. “So, you don’t tell Hugo that we fed you only shit.”
I chuckle. “Your secret is safe with me.”
He starts taking out all the food and places it carefully in the pantry, and the fridge.
“Everything was good today?” he suddenly asks me.
“Yeah,” I nod. “Why?”
“Well…” He rakes his fingers through his hair, leaving half of the paper bag still full of food. “You were alone with Fynn, and last time we spoke, I didn’t get the impression you liked him all that much.”
“Yeah, that was exactly the impression I had about him,” I smile. “But, we talked. Really talked. And, I understand where he’s coming from.”
“You do?” My confession catches him off guard.
“He told me about… Reba? I think that was her name.”
“He actually told you that?”
“Yeah.”
“Wow,” Anderson seems shocked. “He doesn’t really talk about it, unless he really has to.”
“Well, I didn’t push him or anything…”
“Oh, I’m sure you didn’t. But, I’m just surprised that he’d open up to someone like that, someone he doesn’t know.” Then, he adds, with a little smile on his face. “I think you two have a positive effect on each other.”
“Positive?”
“Absolutely,” he nods. “It’s just that neither of you knows it yet.”