She had left Atlanta, a city where the metropolitan area included millions of inhabitants, because it had not been big enough for her to avoid thoughts of Carlos. Particularly since he had been so relentless in trying to reach her, going so far as to come to Natalie’s apartment the same day that she had confronted him about the money.
In her heart of hearts, she still wanted a future with him. Now that the anger had passed, longing had taken its place. Maybe there was something wrong with her, but she’d always been the type who loved hard.
She still felt Carlos everywhere. So ridding him from her mind would be difficult. She couldn’t face going home yet because he had spent time at her apartment, and the memories of them laughing together and making love tormented her too much. He had left a mark in every aspect of her life, simply by being.
“You should not be going through this. Your father loves you and wants the best for you, and usually I don’t interfere in his decisions. But if I had known what he planned to do, I would have stopped him. I see how much this hurts you, and it’s not right. He was wrong for what he did.”
“No, actually, he was right. No matter how much I hate what he did, in his own twisted way, he proved what he had been saying all along about Carlos. He only cared about the money and what he could financially get out of our relationship. As soon as Daddy offered him money, he disappeared. He left the country to pursue his dreams and live a life without me in it. He didn’t care about me.” Her voice cracked at the end.
“I don’t believe that,” Graciela said.
A tear slipped from the corner of Carmen’s eye and slid down the side of her nose. Angrily, she wiped it away. She had thought she was done crying, but it seemed the tears would never end.
Graciela took her hand. “You might not be ready to hear these words yet, but I saw how Carlos looked at you. He looked at you the way Alfred used to and still looks at me—with nothing but love and adoration in his eyes. He made the wrong decision, yes, but I don’t doubt that he loved you. I believe the decision to accept the money was an act of desperation.”
Her mother was correct—she wasn’t in the right frame of mind to listen to an argument in favor of Carlos. Not with such fresh, deep wounds. Not when he’d had every opportunity to tell the truth but had chosen not to.
“You and Carlos belong together,” her mother said quietly. “Go be with your young man. I’ll deal with your father.” Her last sentence held a steely note.
Carmen shook her head. She looked at her mother, grateful for the words she spoke but knowing they made no difference. “I can’t go to him. I don’t believe in him anymore.”
He had broken her heart twice, and she would not give him the opportunity to do so a third time.
“Thanks for seeing me.” Carlos entered Rashad’s office.
The flamboyant financial planner wore a purple suit today and the usual diamond earrings in his ears. By the way he eyed Carlos, he probably looked like a big mess, the way he felt.
Carlos hadn’t shaved in days and had barely slept during that same period. Yesterday, after two weeks, he finally gave up calling and texting Carmen. She hadn’t responded to any of his messages—verbal or written—or to the flowers he’d sent, and she’d blocked his number.
“Not a problem. You didn’t sound good, so I knew the situation was serious. Besides, I meant what I said when I told you that you could come to me if you ever needed someone to talk to.” The chair squeaked as Rashad laid his arms on the rests and leaned back, waiting for Carlos to proceed.
Carlos dropped onto the chair opposite Rashad, weary with the burden of his thoughts and the inability to fix the mess his relationship with Carmen had become. He couldn’t accept that it was over.
He launched into an explanation of their meeting and courtship, as well as their break-up three years go. Shamefaced, he explained about the money he’d accepted from Alfred, recounted the argument in his apartment that made Carmen leave, and ended with the torture of no contact the past two weeks. When he finished, he sat quietly and waited.
Rashad had listened as he talked, nodding every now and again but overall not revealing any emotion or judgment in his expressions.
“Well, now I understand why you wanted the money from your retirement account so badly.”
Carlos nodded and ran fingers through his rumpled curls. “In a nutshell. For the past couple of weeks, I’ve felt as if my life is at a standstill. I’m still going through the motions—painting, eating, drinking, sleeping when I’m able. But that’s all they are—motions. I don’t feel anything. Nothing gives me joy.”
If he could, he’d stay in bed all day every day, but he had obligations. He had a commissioned piece to complete, but he’d already asked for an extension and pushed back the date of delivery.
“Since she blocked my number, I tried calling her at work, but I can’t get through there, either. She’s completely cut me off.”
He thought about enlisting his mother to get a message to Carmen but changed his mind. He didn’t want to get her involved, and further, he didn’t want her to feel guilty. He never told her where he got the money to help her open the store, send money back home to family, and get himself out of Toronto. He hinted that it had come from a wealthy benefactor, and that alone made her feel bad that maybe she’d taken money from him that he’d earned.
But he hadn’t earned a dime of it. The funds were tarnished, which was why he hadn’t had the heart to keep but a small portion. At the time, it had seemed like so much money. Life-changing—and it had been. In more ways than one.
Rashad sat forward and folded his hands together on the desktop. “Listen, I don’t know Carmen, but it sounds like you really love this woman. My question to you is, what are you willing to do to get her back? From what you’ve told me, calling and texting ain’t working.”
“I’m willing to do anything. I’m willing to lose everything. More than everything, to have her back in my life.”
Rashad sat back with a smile befitting an ancient wise man. “Then maybe that’s your answer.”
20
Carmen straightened the shawl around her shoulders against the chilly air. She’d hoped the night out would lift her spirits, but the opposite had happened. The show and dinner only reminded her of how much she missed Carlos because she wished she’d attended both of them with him.
She strolled toward the front of the building and stopped ten feet away, turning to face her date. Tyler stopped too. He looked questioningly into her face. He was handsome, with thick lips and almost flawless skin the color of cream-diluted coffee. Why couldn’t she feel anything more for him?
“This is it, isn’t it?” A wry smile lifted the corner of his mouth.
“I’m sorry. I just… My heart isn’t in it.”
He nodded. “I figured as much. You seemed distracted tonight, and after you explained the situation to me about your break-up with Carlos, I wondered if you were ready to start dating again. I see that you’re not.”
She hadn’t told him about Carlos taking the money, but she had told him that they had reunited and then broken up again.