She deflated.
I was unexplainably damaged, but not completely broken. Framing her face in my hands, I bent forward and brushed my nose against hers. “This raincheck has nothing to do with what’s-her-name.”
Evie placed her hands over my hands and lifted onto her toes a fraction to kiss me. I didn’t deny her. I liked kissing my wife, even if it didn’t ignite me the way it did before Lila got sick.
She fought me when I tried to end the kiss. The fingernails of one hand clawed into my hand while her other hand moved along my abs and below my waist. Her body turned to stone. We stopped.
My eyes closed as my forehead rested against her forehead.
“I thought it would take longer than five years for us to get to this point,” she whispered, releasing my limp dick and turning away from me to resume cutting the bread.
“Evie—”
“The kids are waiting for you. Just go.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Evelyn
“I’m co-parenting,” I said as soon as Lila answered her phone. After weeks of not talking about Adrianne’s attempt to befriend me, weeks of not having sex, weeks of not discussing Ronin’s inability to get an erection with my hand stroking his junk, I decided I needed my best friend.
“Hi,” she sounded groggy.
“Sorry. Were you sleeping?” I glanced at my watch, cutting a new batch of soap.
“No. But I’m a little tired.” She cleared her throat, coming back with a little more strength in her voice. “What do you mean you’re co-parenting?”
“I’m living with the father of my children. We cook meals, clean, play with the kids, and share a bed—never crossing the invisible line in the middle. Sometimes, like before he leaves for work or right when he gets home, he gives me a hug and kiss on the top of my head, but that’s it. It’s the affection you’d give your mother or a sister, maybe even a friend.”
I thought of all the times Graham gave me the same kind of attention. At that point, I would have given anything for Ronin to look at me the way Graham looked at me. Why was the wrong person giving me the “more-than-friends” look?
“Has he told you why he’s not showing more affection?”
I sighed. “No. Well, sort of. He blames it on stress with work. But we’ve been through a lot of stress in our nearly six years of marriage, and it’s never had this effect on us. The problem is, on the outside we seem fine. He’s going to work, engaging with the kids, he even asks me about things at my shop and does his fair share of helping out around the house. Like I said, he’s a roommate, a co-parent. I miss my husband. My lover. But I’m afraid to say anything because …”
“Because why?”
I wiped my hands on a towel and picked up my phone, bringing it closer to my face in the unlikely chance Sophie could hear me from the front of the shop. “I don’t think he can get an erection. And I don’t want to embarrass him by asking about it.”
Silence.
I waited.
And waited.
She had licked my nipples. Why did erectile dysfunction silence her?
“Lila?”
“I’m … I’m here. Just thinking.”
“Do you think I should say something? And if so, what? How do I make him not feel bad?”
“It’s probably stress.”
“Or an affair.” I didn’t really believe it, but I wasn’t immune to insecurity.
“Evelyn, you know better than that.”
“Remember Adrianne Craig?”
“The woman who took down so many prominent men with nothing more than her reckless cunt? Yes.”
“She’s in Ronin’s support group. I caught them having dinner one night.” Caught was a strong word. I wasn’t sure they were trying to hide anything. “And she drove him home a few weeks ago because he had flat tires. She asked me out for coffee.”
“You’re not serious.”
I paced my lab, feeling on edge again. Why did Adrianne make me so uneasy? I knew Ronin would never cheat on me. And he certainly wouldn’t bring his mistress to the house if he did cheat on me.
“I’m serious.”
“Tell him to find a different group.”
I laughed, rubbing the back of my neck. “Then he’ll think I don’t trust him.”
“Tell him it’s her you don’t trust.”
“I don’t trust her to what? Not rape him. He’s twice her size. Clearly, he’ll see that I don’t trust him to resist her if she makes advances toward him.”
“She’s a professional home-wrecker. The thing is … she doesn’t even have to fuck a guy to ruin his life. All she has to do is cast doubt by—”
“Driving him home and flaunting herself in front of his wife,” I finished.
Lila sighed. “Yeah. That.”
“If he’s not sleeping with her, it still doesn’t explain his lack of sexual desire for me. It sucks. It totally sucks to feel like your husband doesn’t want you like that.”
“Tell me about it,” Lila said in a soft voice.
I cringed. “How are things between you and Graham?”
“Fine. Why do you ask?” Her words came sharp and defensive.
“A while back, you told me he basically scheduled time to have sex with you in his office. Things didn’t seem so fine then.”
She sighed slowly, like she needed to exhale but didn’t really want me to hear it. “Nothing to worry about. We’re having sex, still in his office and in bed too.”
I chuckled. “Don’t sound so enthused.”
Lila said it like a description of chores she begrudgingly had to do.
“It’s just …”
“Just what?” I asked.
“Nothing.”
“Maybe I should talk to him.”
“Don’t. Him thinking I’m telling you things doesn’t make them better. It makes them worse. Would you want me telling Ronin that you’re confiding in me about his issues?”
“No.” I frowned. “I hate that we can’t help each other. Remember when we used to be able to solve each other’s issues?”
“Yeah,” Lila whispered with such a solemn breath. “I miss those days.”
“Me too.”
“Just be patient with Ronin. You’ve both been through a lot over the past couple of years. He was a pillar for you after your mom died, while still dealing with his own addiction recovery. Marriages go through unexplainable rough patches. This is just one. It will pass.”
“Is that what’s happening with you and Graham? A rough patch?”
“No. I think him becoming governor fundamentally changed him. He’s not the same man I married, so either I can accept it or …”
“Leave?”
“Sure. Listen, I have to go, but keep me informed on things between you and Ronin. I’m always here for you.”
“Thanks, Lila. That goes both ways. Please don’t ever forget that.”
I ended the call, feeling a little better in some ways and a little worse in other ways. There was no comfort in knowing that my life wasn’t perfect and neither was Lila’s life. My kind of misery didn’t love company. Her unhappiness compounded my own. It sucked.