But he didn’t get a pass for hitting me. Even if my temporary submissiveness led him to believe otherwise.
“It won’t always be this way. When my term is up, we’ll reset. Take a long trip. And things will be better. Maybe we’ll take Evelyn and Ronin with us if they’re still together.”
What the hell?
I pulled my head away from his chest to look at his face. “What’s that supposed to mean?” He could beat me and break me, but he would never destroy my instinct to protect Evelyn.
He shrugged. “I’m sure it’s nothing.”
It wasn’t nothing. It was something.
“What’s nothing?” I tried to climb off his lap, but he grabbed my arms. Having met my quota of injuries for the day, I surrendered so he’d ease his grip.
“A friend of mine thought he saw Ronin at a bar with Adrianne Craig.”
I squinted at him, angry like it was his fault. Evie shared her concern over Adrianne, but I knew … just knew Ronin would never take the bait.
Graham rolled his lips together and nodded. “It’s true.”
“Evie must have been there too.”
“My friend never saw him with anyone else except Adrianne. He said they were huddled together in a small booth at the back of the bar. Supposedly, they looked quite infatuated with each other.”
“Did you say anything to Evie?” The muscles in my jaw tightened. I knew Graham talked to Evie more than his own wife some days.
Graham frowned. “No. I’m not one for breaking up marriages.”
Except his own.
I couldn’t believe it. Not Ronin. No way.
“Good. There’s no way there’s any truth to it, so there’s no need to stir up trouble.”
“Why would I stir up trouble?”
Emotion burned my eyes. Why …
I asked myself that multiple times a day.
Why marry me?
Why keep me?
Why hit me?
“I don’t know,” I whispered.
Graham pressed the cold pack to my cheek again. “I think I’m going to have to tell Evelyn about your cancer.”
My head eased side to side.
“You shaved your head. She’s going to know. I think it’s best if I tell her. You’re not in the right frame of mind to break the news to her.”
“I don’t have cancer.”
I swore at times he had this look on his face like he’d come to believe the lie as much as Ronin, like he wanted it to be true.
“So you’re just going to what? Not see her until your face heals and your hair grows back?”
“If you tell her the lie, I will tell her the truth.”
His expression turned to stone again. “You won’t.”
“Yes. I will.”
“She won’t believe you.”
I grunted a tiny laugh. “She’s my best friend. She will believe me.”
His lips twisted as he cocked his head a fraction and narrowed his eyes. “You? A crazy person who lied about having cancer after Evelyn’s mom died of cancer? She’ll think you’re fucking mocking the tragedy that happened to her mom. She’ll see a crazy person who cut off her hair to make it more believable. She’ll see the bruises you inflicted upon yourself to sell the lie … to hurt her.”
I shook my head over and over. What was he talking about? I wasn’t crazy. It was all him. “I would never hurt her.”
“No?” He cocked his head to the other side, studying me like the crazy person he tried to make me out to be. “I think if she thought you were jealous of my feelings for her, it would make this all very believable. You’re human. Humans can be vengeful … even the good ones. It’s an instinct we can’t deny. We are created in the likeness of perfection but thrust into a world of sin. No one is immune from its affects. Not me. Not you. Not Ronin and Adrianne Craig.”
“You can’t do this,” I hated my voice for shaking.
Keeping one hand pressed to the cold pack on my cheek, he slid the scarf from my head with his other hand. “Lila … I didn’t do this. You did.”
Swallowing the fear that he could hurt me even more, I whispered, “You hit me.”
The tiniest flinch wrinkled the skin on his forehead. “I’m sorry. I chose the wrong reaction. I just …” He frowned while his gaze spread along my shaved head. “I never imagined you would hurt me like this.”
My stomach twisted as my heart shriveled in my chest.
“I don’t expect an apology tonight.” He kissed my forehead. “It’s been a wash. Wrongdoing on both sides.” He set the cold pack in my hand.
I couldn’t speak. Disbelief and shock paralyzed my words.
“Hop up.” He nudged me from his lap like a dog no longer needed for any sort of comfort. “I have to shower. Tomorrow will be a fresh start.” He stood, a disappointing grimace spread across his face. “I thought today was the fresh start. It felt that way in your office.” He brushed his knuckles over my cheek. “I knelt at your feet.” The corner of his mouth curled upward a fraction. “I worshipped you. And you enjoyed it. I could taste it.”
The physical abuse hurt less than the emotional degradation.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Evelyn
“I’m pregnant!” Katie squealed over the phone as I finished my early morning jog, slowing to a walk as I reached the end of our long drive.
I needed to find an exercise routine again. My mom’s cancer and dealing with her death made it hard to feel motivated. Ronin’s onset of depression, which he refused to acknowledge, made it necessary for me to find time alone to exercise, breathe in the mountain air, and clear my mind. A mind filled with self-doubt and uncertainty. Since the night Ronin caught me masturbating in our closet, he’d been back to his no-sex-drive self. Of course he never said those actual words; he masked the truth with excuses like migraines and fear of a cold setting in that he didn’t want to give to me.
“Oh, Katie. I’m really happy for you.”
She laughed. “Wow. Could you have said that with any less enthusiasm? What’s up with you?”
I used to do a better job of selling my act, my fake enthusiasm. Married life. Mom life. Friendships-falling-apart life. They’d worn me down. The act felt like too much work.
That … and Graham’s money made Katie’s pregnancy possible.
“Whatever. I won’t let you rain on my parade today, Evie. Oh, if it’s a boy, we’re naming him Porter. If it’s a girl, Porter will be the middle name. I promised Graham I’d use his family’s name. And honestly, I think Porter is a really cool name. I love surnames as first names. What do you think?”
I stopped, resting my hands on my knees, feeling nauseous and ready to pull my ear pods out of my head so I didn’t have to hear any more about Graham. “I think if you didn’t put it in writing that you’d name your child Porter, then you name the child whatever you want to name him or her. Maybe something special to our family or Tanner’s family.”
“Tanner loves the name Porter too. Besides, Graham and his family have done everything for our family. Sometimes I feel like we both owe him more than a name, we owe him … our firstborn.” She laughed.