Max shoots his hand up in the air. “I’ll go.”
My stomach knots as a few people look at me to gauge my reaction. Per usual, I’m wearing a poker face, but in my head, I want to poke him in the face. What is he doing? We’re not dating, so what could he possibly have to say? And why the hell would he want to make us the guinea pigs for this relationship experiment?
I lean over to whisper in Max’s ear. “Why would you want to go first?”
He throws an arm around the back of my chair and whispers his reply: “I’m trying to deal with your concern about hearing other people’s personal information. If we go first, we can make our excuses and leave. Plus, we didn’t eat lunch, so I’d like to go forage for food.”
Oh, okay. I appreciate that he’s being mindful of my concerns. Pão de queijo points unlocked. Besides, he’ll say a bunch of bullshit that won’t matter, I’ll do the same, and then we can go off and find some food. Excellent.
“Max,” Wanda says. “You’re up.”
“Should I sit or stand?” he asks.
Wanda shrugs. “Whatever’s comfortable for you.”
“Okay, I’ll stand,” he says, rising from his seat. “That way, I can give Lina some breathing room.”
“Or protect your jewels,” Hairy Arms Guy says on a laugh.
His partner smacks him upside the head so I don’t have to.
Max blows out a breath and wipes a hand down his face to produce his serious expression. “A little background here. Lina and I haven’t been together very long, so a lot of this could just be the newness of the relationship. That’s what I tell myself, at least.”
Oh, that’s good, Max. Way to give the proper context for the made-up stuff you’re about to share.
“Anyway,” he says, rubbing his hands and pinning me with a clear-eyed gaze that’s more serious than the moment warrants. “I wish you would open up to me. I get the sense that you keep yourself closed off from everyone, and I’m not sure why. I want to know what you’re thinking, but I almost never do. I mean, do you ever get angry? Like, really angry? What makes you sad? What’s your worst fear?”
I’m squirming in my seat as I listen to him, but I keep my face impassive. Either Max is speaking from the heart, or he’s a skilled actor who knows exactly how to unsettle me. I’m hoping it’s a performance; after all, he easily slid into the role of a stranger when we were reunited at the Cartwright a couple of weeks ago. But he looks so earnest. And if this isn’t just for show, then he’s asking questions that never occurred to any other man in my life, not even Andrew. And dammit, I don’t want to get emotional. Not in front of these strangers.
“Lina, would you like to respond to that?” James asks.
It’s too soon to tell what’s going on here, so I inspect my nails to emphasize my (fake) boredom. “Nope. I’m good for now.”
Max nods, then curls and uncurls his fingers as he presses ahead. “Okay, number two. It’s related to the first. I wish I knew how you feel about me. As a person. Are you still angry with me? Can we get beyond what happened? Because I want to. I’m not the person I was back then, and I don’t think you’re the same person you were back then, either.”
Shit. I could clobber him. Or hug him. He’s using this charade to talk to me. Truly talk to me. And I don’t know how much I can say without revealing feelings I should probably keep to myself. Max doesn’t need to know that I’m attracted to him. Or that he’s slowly chipping away at my defenses by trying to get to know the real me. Or that I like the person I am when he’s around. But maybe if I answer his precise questions, I can keep those facts from surfacing.
James looks over at me. “Anything to say, Lina?”
I push past the knot in my stomach and take a fortifying breath. “I like you, Max. As a person. A lot. I didn’t expect that I would, but I’ve been doing quite a few things out of character for me these past two weeks, and I’m okay with that. I’m not angry with you. Not anymore. I’d like us to focus on the people we are today and remember the goal we’re both working toward.”
He purses his lips and sighs. “The pitch. Of course. How could I forget.”
He’s disappointed in my answer. Is it because he wants me to dig deeper? Reveal more? “No, it’s not only about the pitch, Max. Not for me at least.” I lean forward. “But why does it matter so much to you? Whether we can move beyond our past?”
“This is good, really good,” James says. “You’re open to what he’s saying. Asking your own questions. Everyone else, take notes.”
Max hesitates, his mouth snapping shut then opening again.
“Tell me,” I say.
“It’s related to the third thing I wish you’d do,” he replies.
Wanda waves her hand at Max. “Tell us that one more thing, and then we’ll hear from Lina.”
Oh, no the hell we won’t. I need to get out of here. Soon. If I don’t, I’ll surpass my daily emotional quota, then overheat and pass out.
“Okay,” Max says, his gaze never wavering from mine, “this is the last thing, but it’s an important one. I wish you would see the potential in us. I know it’s hard to see me with new eyes, especially given our history, but there’s something here. I don’t know what it is exactly, but it’s strong enough that I don’t want to shut the door on it. It’s a big ask, I know. And it’s complicated. There are probably a dozen reasons why we shouldn’t even try. And maybe you can’t see yourself being with me. But I want you to know that if there’s any chance for us, I’ll take it.”
One of the Birkenstocks ladies gasps. The other slides down in her seat. I’m afraid to move or blink or respond, but I’m inclined to follow suit. This exercise is tailor-made to push all my buttons, and it’s all Max’s doing. I should be upset that he’s putting me in this position, but if I’m being honest—totally honest with myself—it’s a liberating exercise. I don’t need to curb my feelings here, and I can choose to share as much or as little as I want. Plus, I can’t ignore the little flutter I felt in my belly when Max said he wants a chance to be with me. I shouldn’t encourage him, not when I can’t give him what he’s looking for, but Max has put himself out there, and it’s only fair that I do the same.
Wanda, probably sensing that I’m feeling vulnerable, speaks to me softly: “Lina, would you like to share your three things? You don’t have to if you’re not comfortable. We want you to have a turn, but we also want you to do what’s best for you.”
Looking up at Max, I let out a slow breath and stand. “Sure. I’m up for it.”
Okay, Lina. Here goes everything.
Chapter Twenty
Max
So this is what it’s like to have an out-of-body experience, huh? I’m not a fan.
I can’t believe I bared my soul in a room full of mostly strangers. If Lina’s pissed, I wouldn’t blame her. Because the blame in this instance is all mine. She gave me a tiny opening—said her feelings about me weren’t only about the pitch—and I took that info and ran right into a fucking wall with it.