“What happened?” I asked, wanting so hard to give him the benefit of the doubt. Wanting to trust him.
“I’d hurt first.”
I’d hurt first for him, too. Because I loved him, but I wasn’t certain it’d be enough. The odds continued to be stacked against us and I was just so tired.
I wondered if he was tired, too. I mean, how much was just too much?
People started to pass us in the hall, and Ramses let go. But once the area was clear, he placed a hand on the wall and blocked both prying eyes and ears by putting his back to them. “For starters, she wasn’t my professor. She was a mentor in my business program. An older mentor.”
“How old?”
His eyes close before he faced me. “Why does that matter?”
It didn’t. Probably not. I mean, what happened, happened.
His fingers drew down his mouth. “Forty. Forty-one?” He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter.”
It didn’t, but I definitely couldn’t stop my reaction to that.
I studied the wall and he adjusted, doing the same.
“We had no right getting involved,” he said. “Especially because she was my mentor. I admit I rushed into it. Wanting it to happen…” He tapped the wall with his fist. “To feel something.”
I braced my arms.
“I’d gotten tired of casually fucking,” he stated. “I did a lot of that. Didn’t want to get really involved after December and I didn’t. I played the field and had fun, but I didn’t want to do that anymore. I was about to graduate, and I guess I wanted something real.”
“So why her? That woman?”
“I can’t tell you.” He frowned. “We had a connection. On the base level, but we had one. I shouldn’t have gotten involved with my mentor, and there were signs it was a mistake besides the obvious. When I looked into those signs, I found out she was married.”
My gaze jerked up.
His head bobbed twice. “Once I knew, I tried to end it. I did end it.”
“What happened?”
His shoulders lift. “She didn’t want it to end. Became obsessed and threatened to blackmail me if I did. She had influence over the department at Brown, over my grades and that’s when I got my lawyers involved. My mom involved.” He shook his head. “We were able to get it sorted, but not without a settlement. My mom was super adamant about keeping me out of any scandals. Got really crazy and protective. She paid the woman to let this thing go, stay away from me. Which she has. My lawyers advised transferring schools in addition due to the obvious.”
I framed my face, visually cringing but not for myself or this situation we were in, but for him.
No wonder Evie hates me.
She thought this was happening again, an older woman taking advantage of her son and I didn’t blame her. I’d probably hate me, too. I would hate me, too. I hadn’t been pregnant for long, but in that short time I’d loved my unborn child as if they’d been with me every day. I’d want to destroy anyone who ever hurt them.
“Look at me, Bri.”
I did. Though, he cupped my elbows anyway, directing me to look at him.
“This situation isn’t like that.” His palm cupped my head. “I know that, and you know that.”
“But Evie doesn’t.”
“She will.”
“And how could she?” I shrugged. “We’ve been lying to her. I’ve been lying to her. I have no credibility with her, and I shouldn’t. Not after what happened to you. I’d feel the same way she does if it’d been the other way around.”
His sigh fell heavy.
“I’m not saying it won’t take time. Effort, but I’m imploring you to give my mother the benefit of the doubt. To not,” his voice thickened, “to not default to your fallback. To not run. Not this time.”
I cringed, unable to help it. I couldn’t see how I looked from his eyes, but I knew how all this felt inside. I was being unraveled piece by piece.
He braced my head, his mouth to my ears. “I want you to fight for us. Fight through the grit and whatever comes next. Fight as hard as I will.”
I touched my forehead to his chest, my fist balled when he worked his arms around me. I had no idea how long we stood there like that, and by the end, I felt drained. Like I’d physically died in his arms. I knew whatever I did next, we both did next, might affect our entire lives. For me, it would.
I couldn’t see a life different from this moment now. My life had changed with him in it, and I wasn’t sure if I could change back. That’d be like rewinding time. Impossible.
Impossible.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Ramses
Weekly taco night occurred at my house this week. But that was because my mom bombarded me with it after I repeatedly ignored her phone calls and texts. One better, she showed up with the new man she was apparently dating.
“And then the guy says to me…” James chuckled, head actually thrown back like he couldn’t contain himself before the rest of the joke even hit. He put his hands out. “Is that cheese on the table or an oil slick?”
Full blown laughter. Full fucking blown at the twenty-fifth dad joke I’d had to endure at my dining room table in under an hour. James was full of them, a man I knew from the country club. This wasn’t a small city, but small enough for everyone in the city’s elite to know each other. Yeah, I knew this guy. Average with above average funds. His family came from oil and migrated here.
Currently, I had to entertain the fact he took every opportunity he had to place his hand on my mother’s, hers wrapped round his bicep as she simply roared at the dad-shit he said. I endured it behind a glass of Merlot, my attention only half there before James said my name.
“I think we’ve lost him, Evie.” James chuckled once more, waving his hand. “I apologize. Once I get going, I run away with myself. I bore my own mother.”
More vibrant laughter from my mother, my smile forced as hell, but I had a tendency to wear that shit on my sleeve…
When I was miserable.
The ache was still there. The distance felt. It’d been all I had to stay focused at work today.
Mom panned to me, noticing that. Her smile fell a little, but it returned upon her sudden attempt to engage me in conversation. She’d been trying to do that all night, the two of them having a completely coupled conversation. She’d been aware of my silence and once more, tried to fix the problem.
“Looks like the table could use more wine,” I said, ducking out of the latest attempt. Pardon me, but I didn’t feel up for it. I rose. “Be back.”
I didn’t come back. I stayed in the fucking kitchen with the chilled bottle in my hand. I was about two seconds from downing another glass right there when my mom did come in.
She looked fabulous as always, appearing only a fraction of her age in cigarette pants and a nice blouse. She’d put on makeup today. I assumed for James. Her arms folded. “Are you going to be miserable all night?”
“It depends.” Pulling out a corkscrew, I got right into opening that bottle of wine. I popped the cork. “Is James going to tell dad jokes all night? Oh, and am I expected to call him Dad? You know, when you guys get married.”