“In fact, one of the reasons I was going to cancel tonight was because I felt like a huge hypocrite—how can I judge her for wanting to do things that make her feel beautiful? I drove through a blizzard last night in a red dress and heels just so you’d look at me that way. And want me that way. And . . . like me.”
He laughed a little. “I did like you, didn’t I?”
I nodded and smiled up at him. “You liked me three whole times.”
“And did those three likes make you feel better about yourself?”
“Immeasurably.” I snuggled into his chest again.
“Then try not to be too hard on her.” He kissed the top of my head. “Or on yourself. We’re all just stumbling our way through life, hoping to arrive at the right destination. If something makes you feel good on the way, why not do it?”
I thought about his words as he walked me home, as he bid me farewell with a chaste hug in case anyone happened to be watching, as I shed my layers of winter clothing and joined the kids and my parents in the family room. The movie was over, and they were playing a board game now. They invited me to play too, and even offered to start the game over, so I couldn’t say no.
But I kept thinking about Henry. I wished he were here. I could smell him on me. I heard his voice in my head . . . If something makes you feel good, why not do it?
It seemed like such a fearless attitude to have, and it made me think about the opposite too—if something makes you feel bad, why not stop it? For so long, I’d lived in fear of being abandoned, of being alone and having to start over, of failing. And I let that fear prevent me from leaving a marriage that not only didn’t fulfill me, but robbed me of joy, of confidence, of self-worth.
But those days were over.
We could bloom here, all of us. I could feel it.
In the back of my mind, that voice reminded me that part of the new start I’d envisioned for myself meant learning to be happy on my own, and this thing with Henry did not exactly mesh with that plan. Becoming dependent on Henry to validate my own self-worth wasn’t any better than what I was doing before, was it? And what made me think I could trust him?
But being with him made me feel so damn good.
And if something made you feel good, why not do it?
Fourteen
Henry
The next day, it was back to business as usual. I hit the gym early and got into work by nine, calling hello to Chloe at the tasting counter as I made my way down to the cellar. Now that the inn was open again, and I knew we’d be busy with tastings and tours all day—all week, actually.
My assistant, Mariela, was already in the lab, and I waved to her as I headed for my office. When I opened the door and saw my desk, all I could think of was Sylvia naked on it with my head between her legs. When I shut the door behind me, all I could think of was fucking her against it. When I tried to focus on the day ahead and what I had to get done, she refused to get out of my head. When I closed my eyes, I swore I could smell her skin.
I was sitting there in a stupor, staring at the surface of my desk and trying not to get an erection, when someone knocked on the door.
“Yeah?” I called, shifting in my seat.
Sylvia poked her head in and grinned. “Hi. I’m officially here working upstairs but I wanted to say good morning.”
“Good morning.” Her smile made it hard to breathe for a second. “You’ll be busy up there today.”
“Chloe says we’re totally booked. I’m a little nervous.”
“You’ll be great.”
“Thanks.” She gave me one last smile before disappearing, and a moment later, Mariela knocked on the open door.
“Hey. How was your Christmas?” she asked, leaning against the frame.
“Good. How about yours?”
“Great. Ready to get started filtering the riesling?”
I nodded, glad for the distraction. “Let’s do it.”
As predicted, the day was hectic in the winery—tons of guests coming in and out all day to look around, taste wine, purchase bottles to take home. Many of them wanted to chat with me, and I spent a good amount of time answering questions and explaining our process. Chloe and Sylvia were swamped at the counter, but every time I stole a glimpse of her, Sylvia had a huge smile on her beautiful face and was chatting away easily with customers, telling them about growing up on the farm, and talking about our wines. I couldn’t imagine how many bottles she’d sell by the end of the day.
At one point in the afternoon, I noticed Chloe was alone at the counter and wondered where Sylvia had gone. A little later, I checked my phone and found a text from her apologizing for leaving so fast and explaining that she had to check on the kids and take care of dinner at the house. At seven o’clock, I was back at my desk trying to clear out my email inbox when she appeared in my office doorway, a smile on her face. “Hi.”
My blood warmed. “Hey, you. Come on in.”
She wandered in, carrying her jacket in her arms. “Still working, huh?”
“Finishing up. How was your first day in the tasting room?”
“Chaotic, as promised—but good, I think. Chloe says we sold a ton of wine.”
“I believe it. I saw you working your magic up there. Who could resist you?”
She blushed at the compliment. “Stop it. I don’t have any magic.”
“I beg to differ.”
“And I’m sure I screwed up the notes Chloe gave me for each wine a million times. I need to memorize the whole fruit-forward versus savory, and full-bodied versus light-bodied, and tart finish versus bitter . . .” She shook her head. “I don’t know how you guys have so much information in your heads!”
I smiled. “You’ll be a pro in no time.”
“Thanks. You were busy in the cellar too, huh?”
“We were.” I pinched the bridge of my nose with my thumb and forefinger. “It was a lot of talking to people for a guy who mostly deals with grapes. My head is pounding.”
“I bet you probably haven’t eaten anything today.”
Had I? I couldn’t even recall. “Maybe you’re right. I don’t think I did.”
“Henry,” she scolded. “You need to eat.”
I shut my laptop. “I will. But first, shut the door and come talk to me. What were the kids up to today? The inn must have been slammed.”
She closed my office door and leaned back against it. “It was. My mom was crazy busy at reception. And we put the kids to work helping April set up for the New Year’s Eve party.”
“Hard to believe that’s tomorrow night already.”
“Yeah.” She stared at my desk for a moment, and lowered her voice to a whisper. “It’s sort of insane that I was naked on your desk last night.”
“It is.” Swiveling in my chair to face her, I leaned back and put my hands behind my head. “But also awesome.”
She blushed, dropping her gaze to the coat in her arms. “Have you ever . . . done that before? On your desk, I mean?”
“Nope.”
“Me neither.” She met my eyes. “But I liked it.”
“Me too. I’d say we should give it another go right now, but I’m not sure the other employees here would appreciate the noise, even with the door shut.”