Soleil had been so hurt. She’d refused to talk to him and had cried herself to sleep. He’d been very apologetic and told her he loved her, but that she really needed to make more of an effort to do as he asked. It was such a simple thing to avoid those people he knew wouldn’t help further his career. Was that so much to ask? At the time, she’d been desperate not to be alone. She’d been alone far too much, and she wanted a relationship. She’d done everything she could think of to please him, and it hadn’t been enough.
Was that what she was doing with Ice? Doing everything she could to please him? Unfortunately, that was who she was. That was what she did. She loved pleasing the people she loved. She wanted them happy. That was what made her happy. She rocked herself gently, terrified of losing him. It wouldn’t be like losing Winston. She’d wanted out of that relationship. Losing Ice would just about kill her. She wanted to be with him.
He’d shown her his workroom he’d set up to make jewelry. It was kept locked and gems were kept in a safe. He’d laughed and told her before they’d come to Caspar, he’d made jewelry on the road and those same very expensive gems were just in one of the compartments on his bike. He’d been so free. Now, he was tied down to her. What did she really have to offer him? She was certain the explosive chemistry between them would wear off. Then what?
“Soleil?”
Her breath caught in her throat. He was at the top of the stairs. Ice. Her heart began to pound the way it often did when he was near. She turned her head slightly to acknowledge his presence, but she couldn’t stop the tears running down her face. She could only suppress the sobs, so no sound emerged.
He came straight to her, his body entirely naked. He seemed so at ease without clothes, as if he was more used to going nude than dressed. “Princess, what is it?” He sat down beside her, his arm sliding around her shoulders to pull her close to him.
She shook her head. How could she explain that she knew sooner or later he was going to want another woman? That he would see she was a fraud and didn’t know how to sustain a relationship? That he would grow tired of her and leave her? That he would see her attempts at pleasing him as desperation?
“All right, baby, cry it out and then we’ll talk,” he said. “But the stairway isn’t the best place to hold you.” He took her hand and tugged, forcing her to rise, and they went down together to the very comfortable seats in front of the fireplace. He sat on the couch and pulled her down to him, fitting her head on his lap as she stretched out. “That’s better, Soleil.” He stroked her hair, comforting her.
She let herself cry because there were so many things in her life to cry over. She wished she was a stronger person. She was learning, especially since she’d been with Ice. He liked her to make household decisions. The hand in her hair was soothing. He didn’t try to stop her tears, he just held her and ran his fingers through her hair, massaging her scalp.
“I don’t know how to cry,” Ice said suddenly. “I lost that ability when I was a kid. Crying’s good when you need to do it. You can get to a place where anger and rage turn to ice. It builds and builds and gets uglier and uglier. So thick and dense it becomes like a glacier and then you’re frozen inside. You can’t cry. All you can do is tattoo fake tears dripping down your face to remind you that you’re supposed to be human when you know you’re not.”
He was talking about himself. Soleil’s heart clenched hard. Ice couldn’t cry. Her Ice. He spoke matter-of-factly, as if he wasn’t giving her something big, but she knew he was. Did he really see himself that way? Not human? Those teardrops, the tattoos, were one of her favorite things on him. She’d spent time kissing and tracing each one.
Soleil sat up slowly and framed his face with both hands. “Ice, you’re human. You’re a better man than anyone I’ve ever known.”
His incredible blue eyes searched her face as if looking for something. What? Whatever it was, she wanted to give it to him. Acceptance maybe. He seemed to like whatever he saw because he smiled. It was one of his slow, sweet smiles that he reserved only for her.
“Baby, you’re a fuckin’ miracle. I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but you have no idea how glad I am that I found you. I saw you, you know. I was on the street when you were there with Winston. You were across the street, standing there in that sundress, looking like a million dollars.”
His hand dropped casually to his cock, fingers curling around it. He didn’t seem to notice and Soleil found that sexier than ever.
“My cock was as hard as a rock looking at you. Your tits in that dress, your little waist, those booties on your feet. Then you turned your back to me and took a few steps away. Your ass was swaying, and I couldn’t decide whether I was in love with your tits or your ass. Maybe both. Then that pussy Winston grabbed your arms and shook you. I wanted to rip his head off and throw it down the street for all the cars to flatten.”
She found herself smiling, because Ice could do that so easily, turn her world from tears to laughter. She turned her head and licked up his shaft as if that thick rod was an ice-cream cone. He caught her hair and pulled her head back.
“As much as I want your mouth on me, I want you to talk to me. We’re in this together, and we fix the things that are wrong. Something’s wrong or you wouldn’t be sitting on the stairs crying at two o’clock in the morning.”
For some reason, the fact that Ice wanted to work things out rather than have sex made her cry all over again, but this time from hope. What man would do that? He loved when he was in her mouth. He often initiated oral sex in the strangest places, as if he couldn’t wait another minute to feel her mouth. He was equally in love with being inside her.
“You’re going to make yourself sick. You were done cryin’, babe. You’re safe. It’s dark enough. Tell me what’s upsetting you.”
“I’m not certain I have that kind of courage,” she admitted reluctantly. She knew he heard the hesitancy in her voice, because he tugged on her hair until she looked up at him.
“You’re the most courageous woman I know. You married me and committed to me. I was a stranger, yet you decided to make that leap of faith alone. You’re courageous, Soleil. The longer I’m with you, the more I know it was the right choice for us.”
She took a deep breath and let it out. She might be able to tell him the truth there in the darkness. But what if she did? She pressed her eyes closed tight. “Ice, I’m falling in love with you, and it’s going to hurt so bad when this all falls apart. So bad, I’m not certain I’d survive.”
There was silence. She could hear only the beating of her heart in time with a clock ticking loudly in the distance behind them. Probably the new grandfather clock they’d found together in one of the furniture shops they’d visited.
“Why would you think what we’re building is going to fall apart?” He chose each word with equal the care she had chosen hers.