For a second, I was too surprised to speak. ‘But… but that’s good, right? I mean, you’re totally into him. You haven’t seen anyone else for ages.’
‘That,’ Robbie said, ‘is not. The. Point. We weren’t meant to be serious. I was meant to have years of casual shagging ahead of me. And then bloody Rex turns up and not only is he my dream man, but he says I’m his. He told me he loves me, the total melt.’
‘But you love him too!’
‘So what? I wasn’t going to admit I’d fallen for him, was I? So I dumped him. By text.’
I shook my head in bewilderment, then gave Robbie’s shoulder a final pat, picked his spoon up off the floor and wagged it at him.
‘Now,’ I said. ‘You’ve given me your fair share of advice about my love life, and it’s my turn to read you the riot act. Are you listening?’
Robbie nodded, his lip trembling.
‘Rex is asking you to be his boyfriend. That’s all. He’s not asking you to marry him, or chaining you up in a dungeon, or making you sign in blood saying you’ll never have sex with anyone else again ever. Am I right?’
‘I guess.’
‘He’s saying he wants you two to be exclusive for now – to take your relationship to the next level, and see how that goes. Correct?’
‘I suppose so.’
‘And that’s what you want, really, isn’t it? You’ve just got a massive attack of cold feet.’ Like I did when I was twenty and in love with Joe, and ended it because I was too frightened, only to spend years regretting my decision, when I could have just gone with it and let it run its course. I didn’t regret that decision any more, not really – but that didn’t stop me wanting to prevent Robbie from making the same mistake.
‘Maybe you’re right,’ Robbie admitted.
‘Of course I’m right! And another thing. You’re allowed to be happy, you know. You’re allowed to fall in love, even if it doesn’t feel like the right time.’
‘So what should I do?’
‘Sheesh, you doofus! Pick up your phone right now and text the guy and tell him you made a mistake!’
‘I…’ Robbie hesitated for a second, then he did the pounce thing again, and seconds later his phone was in his hands and he was bashing away at the screen like a man possessed.
I escaped to the gym after lunch as usual, but I wasn’t feeling it and, after a few minutes on the rowing machine, I gave up and did some gentle stretches instead, ignoring Mike’s disapproving gaze. And then I went home and got into bed with Frazzle, and had a long afternoon nap, filled with shadowy and confusing dreams.
I thought about sacking off that evening’s D&D game, but I couldn’t do that – we were at a crucial point in the adventure, with Galena, Annella and Torvid nearing the heart of the castle where we thought Zarah might be imprisoned. Without me, the others would have no fighting power and a real chance of being captured or worse. I’d just have to front it out, and act like nothing had happened between Adam and me. We were friends and that was it.
Of course, I reminded myself, the game wasn’t real either. It was an imaginary world, but that didn’t make it any less important. If we succeeded in our adventure, we’d have done so as a team, looking out for each other, strategising together, making the best of whatever fate a roll of the dice threw at us.
So, when I woke up feeling no less sleepy than I had two hours before, I told myself I had to get my shit together and make this work, however awkward I felt about seeing Adam again after our last strange and unsatisfying encounter. I showered and washed my hair and put on make-up for the first time in ages, put serum in my hair and pulled on a black jumper dress, tights and boots. I was doing it for me, I insisted to myself. Nothing whatsoever to do with Adam, who clearly wasn’t interested in me anyway.
I looked around the tidy, orderly flat. It smelled of my aromatherapy body lotion and coconut water shampoo. The laundry basket was empty and the bed was made. Frazzle was on the sofa, curled up tightly with his paws crossed over his nose. There were worse things than being alone, I supposed. I’d managed it – enjoyed it, even – for years and I could continue to do so.
I locked the door and walked down the stairs, passing the kitchen and entering the bar, a customer again instead of an employee. I bought a bottle of wine and headed over to the Dungeons & Dragons table, where Nat and Archie were already sitting, sipping their drinks and chatting.
‘You look amazing, Zoë,’ Nat said. ‘Heading out somewhere later?’
‘Nah. I just felt like making a bit of an effort. I’ve been dressing like a slob for too long.’
Freddie hurried over and flopped into a chair. ‘Looking good, Zoë. Nothing’s too much trouble for your fight with the evil lord, right?’
‘You’ve scrubbed up a bit too,’ I said. ‘Not sure a silk shirt is ideal for crawling through mazes looking for treasure.’
‘But think of all the quality gear I’ll be able to buy once we find it.’
We all laughed, slightly awkward in the moments before the game began, when we were half our characters and half ourselves; half in the Ginger Cat and half in the dungeons below Castle Drakeford; aware that this was a slightly tragic, dorky game but also caught up in the magic of the story Adam had woven for us.
‘And here’s the man himself,’ Lana said.
Adam approached our table, half-smiling, his heavy bag slung over his shoulder. The shirt he was wearing looked new too – it was a dark bottle-green that seemed to have turned his eyes exactly the same colour. I said hi to him and he replied, but his was more of a general greeting to the whole table. It was like he’d barely noticed me there at all. The others followed shortly after him, and soon the usual rituals of drinks-pouring and food-ordering were complete, and we began.
As soon as Adam started speaking, the real world receded. I stopped being Zoë, stopped thinking about my future as a crazy cat lady who lived above a pub, and became Galena. I wasn’t wearing my jumper dress and faux suede boots any more, but leather armour and boots, because Galena had other things on her mind than animal rights, like not getting her head chopped off with a broadsword.
‘We return to the upper levels of the castle, where Galena and the others are continuing their quest to find young Zarah. Last week, we left you in an antechamber near to the rooms where you believe the evil Lord Brandrel is holding the girl prisoner. The walls are hung with slightly faded tapestries and lit by oil lamps. There is woven rush matting on the floor and a wooden chest in one corner. On the wall, you notice a large mirror in a heavy wrought-iron frame.’
‘Oh God, I’d better not look,’ Nat said. ‘My root growth will be horrendous after all this time on an adventure.’
I said, ‘We should examine the looking glass; it may be somehow enchanted.’
‘I sense the power of magic here,’ Annella agreed.
‘Let’s bolt the door we came in through,’ I said. ‘Then we can examine this place in relative safety.’
‘You push the door closed and slide the iron bolt home with a rasp and a click. Strangely, you do not now feel safer in this place but less so – as if you have walked into a trap.’