“Tell me,” she finally whispered. “Tell me what you want. I have to know.”
If that wasn’t masochism, it would be hard to find a better example.
“I’ll tell you what I want, but understand that me wanting it doesn’t mean I expect you to give it. Especially after what you’ve been through. But I may as well tell you because you’ll find out when we get to the house anyway. There won’t be any way to hide it from you.”
Gabe took a long, deep breath and then plunged in. “To say I am kinky would be an understatement—like saying a monsoon is wet. The house we’re going to isn’t just where I live. It’s also my business. I own it with some friends. I train women—willing women—to become the slaves of wealthy men who are into the same kinds of things I am. I enjoy a woman on her knees in front of me... not just to blow me, but on her knees in my presence in general. I like when a woman calls me ‘sir’, which they all do at the house. But what I really want is someone who will call me ‘master’. And I want that someone to be you. I want that, though I know you aren’t like I am as well as everything you’ve been through. I won’t force it on you, but understand this: if you ever call me master, it means exactly what you think it means. There is no going back from that moment. At that point you are mine far beyond the exchange of money. So never ever say it casually or to test the waters. There is no testing with that word. That word makes you mine in ways you can’t imagine yet.”
She let out a tremulous sigh and wrapped her arms around herself. Julie wasn’t sure if she could ever willingly give herself to him that way. It seemed far too final and dangerous.
“Can you handle more, or is that enough to satisfy your curiosity?”
“There’s more?”
“Oh much more. I like to whip women, cane them, flog them, put them in cages. I like the traditional bare-assed spanking. I like blindfolds and toys that vibrate and toys that don’t. I like ropes and chains and shackles. I like things too weirdly creative to make you understand without acting them out with you first. I like a woman who begs and cries and trembles at my feet. But what I don’t like is a woman who doesn’t like and want those same things. So we’re in a pickle, here.”
“A-and you think I will come to you voluntarily and let you do all that to me?”
“I hope so. Some day.”
“What if I never do?”
That was the million-dollar question wasn’t it? He might not be a monster, but how much goodness did he have? Gabe was convinced he could woo her, and that some combination of making her fall in love with him and her own gratitude for everything he had done and would do for her would bring her around. But maybe that was a fantasy that could never be real. Fantasy Julie and real Julie weren’t the same person after all.
“One other thing,” he said. If he wanted to drive her away, he was sure this was the thing that would do it. But it wasn’t as if he could keep her in the dark about it now, and it would be best if she didn’t harbor delusions about things.
“Oh God, really? There’s more?”
Gabe chuckled. “Sorry, but yes. I’m not monogamous. I don’t do fidelity. It’s not in my nature, and I have no interest in twisting myself in knots to try to offer promises I can’t keep. But these girls in this house—none of them that I would involve myself with—are permanent residents. They get trained. And they go. No one would be competing with you indefinitely. You would have a special and cherished place with me.”
“You took me out on a date knowing all this stuff about yourself?”
There was heavy accusation in her glare, and he didn’t blame her. At least she wasn’t too numb to feel anything. He’d take any honest emotion she had to offer. If she wanted to start pummeling him right now, he’d probably calmly let her get her rage out.
“Now you know why I told you I was a bad man to know and left you alone.”
“You were testing me, weren’t you? To see if I might do this stuff.”
“Yeah, but I knew before we started that it would never work. I almost stood you up that night.”
“I’m glad you didn’t.”
Gabe reached over and took her hand in his. She flinched and seemed like she would pull away, but after a few seconds she relaxed as if remembering she was with the guy she’d once clearly liked.
“Really?”
“Yes, but you’re a fucking freak. And the shit I’ve been through...” She wiped at her eyes, trying to stop from crying again. “You had a better chance with me and all this when I was still a virgin and didn’t know any better. I was so... God, I was so taken with you.”
“And now?”
“Now I’m afraid to feel anything. At Dmitri’s, I was somehow holding it all together more or less, and now I’m afraid the littlest thing could break me beyond repair. I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can ever give you any of the things you want.” She flinched after she said it, as if certain of some retribution despite his promises.
“I know. And I know it’s not just these past few months. That’s why I stayed away from you. I wasn’t willing to push you for something I knew you couldn’t give me. And don’t think I suddenly expect it now, but when circumstances force people to live together, sometimes things that wouldn’t have happened otherwise, happen. I guess I’m holding out that hope though I have no right to expect it. But you are safe with me.”
Julie didn’t say anything more, and after several minutes of silence, he pulled his hand away from hers and started the car.
After they’d been on the road for a while, Julie said, “You were planning to keep the non-monogamy thing a secret from me, weren’t you? If we’d continued dating?”
He sighed. “Yeah. You wouldn’t have understood.”
“I would have understood honesty more than lies. You would have been cheating.”
“I couldn’t have been honest without doing what I’m doing now: taking your freedom away.”
She didn’t say anything else after that. What more was there to say? They’d had more in-depth meaningful discussion in this one night than a lot of couples had their entire relationship. Gabe turned the radio on. Classic rock droned low in the background.
He’d been too close to losing her only a few short hours ago. He couldn’t believe he’d kept it together. But he’d had to, for her sake.
“Oh my God. Is this where you live?” Julie said when they reached an imposing iron gate. They’d been driving through a heavily wooded area—all part of the property—for the past ten minutes. Beyond the gate was a large hill, and at the top of it sat an enormous white house with thick Corinthian columns. The architecture made it look like a museum rather than a place people could actually live.
“It’s where you live now, too.”
The apprehension and tension strained from her face all the way down through the muscles of her neck. “Are you going to keep me locked in a basement?”
“No, you’ll have your own very nice room. You’ll have free run of the house and the grounds.”
Gabe pulled up to the heavy iron gate, punched in a code, and the gate swung open. He parked the Bentley in front and got out and came around to help Julie out.