She added these personal thoughts to her answer. For some reason she wanted Gabe to know this, and for once she didn’t feel embarrassed sharing something so deeply personal with him. Given his proclivities, it felt as though nothing would shock him, and he’d never acted judgmental toward her before now—not when he’d first met her and learned how innocent she was and not after that innocence had been stripped away.
The fantasies had started years and years before Dmitri’s house had ever haunted the hallways of her psyche. The guy that starred in the story was always extremely good looking, and strong, and if she was honest with herself, sort of resembled Gabe—as if she’d been fantasizing about this one specific man years before she would ever meet him. Maybe that was what had caused her to be so immediately taken with him when he’d walked into Dani’s bar for the first time. It was as if he’d stepped right out of her mind and into real life. And she’d wanted him to take care of her.
She tried to remember if the fantasies had ever gotten even subtly sexual. She didn’t think they had. It was all sort of… vague. But in those fantasies she belonged to the mystery guy, that much she knew. She’d been so sheltered up until college that it wasn’t surprising she hadn’t known enough about the mechanics to have specifics. Maybe Gabe was right about what all this meant. It was hard to know what was normal.
Not only did Gabe look like the man from those fantasies, but he acted that way, too. It was just that the fantasy had never gone as far as real life was about to go.
When she forced herself to think about it and not run away from the thought, she did trust him. Once he’d reassured her the previous night that they were just sleeping, she’d found her body molding softly against the hard planes of his. And moments ago when he’d kissed her on the forehead, it had felt domestic and normal and safe.
Her minor rebellions against the inevitability of being in his collar faded away as if they were nothing—surface ego protection and fear. Somehow, the time spent alone reflecting and answering Gabe’s questions made her feel strangely secure in the direction of her life even as she still felt jittery and nervous about the unknown exact details.
But she’d felt jittery and nervous before their first date, too. Wasn’t some level of that normal? She hated that she had to constantly ask herself if this was normal or if that was normal. And what would things be like, how would they be different if she’d been raised more normally or if Dmitri’s house hadn’t shattered everything her family had sheltered her from.
It took nearly two hours to finish the questions. Gabe still wasn’t back yet. She wasn’t sure what she was supposed to do now, but she was hungry. She’d barely eaten breakfast due to anxiety. Now her appetite came roaring back. She took the questionnaire inside and laid it on the bed, then went down to the cafeteria for some lunch.
It was meatloaf today, along with an assortment of vegetable choices and of course some fruit and dessert at the end near the drinks. Phyllis fixed her a plate and she retreated to a far corner table near a window that looked out on the pool.
She was halfway through her meal when Annette joined her with a tray. “Hey, you seem different.”
Julie doubted there was some sign flashing over her now announcing to the world that she’d accepted her new role with Gabe. No doubt rumors had gotten around the house by now and Annette had heard them.
It was easier to play along and give her the information she wanted. If the girls hadn’t talked, maybe Shannon had. After all, if she’d been here for weeks and was just now getting waxed, of course it was for Gabe’s benefit. She’d gotten used to waxing at Dmitri’s, so although it brought back unpleasant thoughts of the house, since it was something the girls had done on their own, it didn’t carry the same trauma as other memories.
“What do you know?” Julie asked. She wasn’t in the mood for a round of he said/she said.
“I heard Brian took you to his dungeon and Gabe got you out of there and then you two have been very sort of… private and ensconced since then.”
No doubt Annette thought Julie and Gabe had been having nonstop kinky sex since that moment since she couldn’t seem to grasp the gravity of Julie’s life before this place.
“He went to the collar guy,” Julie said, still feeling weird about this conversation.
Annette’s eyes seemed to grow to the size of saucers as she leaned forward in her seat. Annette was a bit older than Julie but there was something almost childlike about her that Julie hadn’t noticed before. She acted like they were in a sorority and the head of the frat had just proposed. Though Julie had more or less accepted belonging to Gabe, it seemed odd that anybody should jump up and down about it.
Sensing the chill, Annette sank back in her chair. “So, what? He twisted your arm? He forced you? You’re not happy with Gabe!?!”
Of course she resented Julie. Because everybody loved Gabe. Julie had practically been Enemy Number One at the house for weeks now for denying him.
“I’m scared. This is not how I imagined my life would go.” Though when she tried to stop and think about how exactly she had imagined her life would go, she drew a blank there as well.
“Everything will be okay, you’ll see,” Annette said.
Julie looked up to find Gabe striding toward them and was surprised by how relieved she was to see him.
“I finished the questions. You were gone a long time, and I didn’t know what to do.”
Couldn’t Annette go away?
As if Gabe had read Julie’s mind, he said, “Annette, would you give us a few moments?”
“Oh, yes, sir, of course.” Annette picked up her tray and headed to another part of the cafeteria with it. She had the good grace to move out of earshot, but Julie wasn’t convinced she couldn’t read lips.
Gabe sat in the chair she’d vacated and took and ate a strawberry off Julie’s tray.
“Hey!” Without thinking, Julie smacked his hand. She froze immediately after. This wasn’t Gabe, the guy from the bar that she was on a date with. This was…
Before she could complete the thought, Gabe took her hand in his. “Hey, what was that?”
“I-I’m sorry, I would never...”
“Shhh. No, I don’t mean the smack. I mean the terror. Why were you so afraid after you did it?”
“You know why. I-I don’t want to go to the dungeon.”
“You think that’s who I am? You think I’m such an epic control freak that you can’t playfully smack my hand for stealing food off your tray?”
She looked up to find his startling green eyes were more intense and inscrutable than usual.
“You are not a thing to me. I love you. I want something real with you, and if that means sometimes you playfully smack my hand when I steal a strawberry, I think that’s healthy don’t you?”
She nodded, relaxing again.
“Are you ready to begin your training?”
The nerves came back all of a sudden. “Aren’t you… don’t you want to have lunch?” Delay. Stall. Delay. She’d noticed that morning when he’d gone through the breakfast line that he hadn’t gotten very much food, so surely he could stand to eat something.
He chuckled. “I grabbed a quick bite while I was out.”