“Now, let’s get this gun bullshit taken care of.”
We went to Gert’s room, and he went into his closet and took out the metal box and opened it.
AK47 said she would get rid of the gun. Gert tried to argue and then his hand started hurting and he didn’t have the energy to argue anymore.
“Fine, take it.”
Even though there was no sound after that, it was like a bomb was exploding. AK47 was wearing THE LOOK and when she stopped wearing it her face was the face she gave him when they were boyfriend and girlfriend. Gert had on a face like that too.
I did not like how angry and quiet the air felt. “Can someone say something?”
AK47 put her bag down. She kicked off her shoes.
“I’m still pissed off at you,” she said to Gert.
“I am too,” I said.
Gert said that he knew all that. He got up and walked over to AK47 and they stood looking at each other for a long time. Then AK47 said, “Zelda, can you go out and play for a little while?”
“You are going to have sex,” I said. “Aren’t you?”
AK47 took Gert’s not-hurt hand and said, “It appears that that’s the case.”
“I’ll put on my headphones,” I said.
We walked down the hallway, Gert and AK47 holding hands and walking first, and me walking behind them. When I got to my room, I closed my door. I was victorious for one part of my legend: Gert and AK47 were in love with each other and having sex, even if Gert was still not in school, like I wanted him to be.
I took out a pen and put a check mark next to GET AK47 AND GERT BACK TOGETHER from my list of things to do to be legendary.
It was a very powerful moment. I decided to share it with Dr. Kepple, so I went to my computer and clicked on his website, which I had bookmarked.
Dear Dr. Kepple,
Hello again. It’s Zelda. You still haven’t answered my last e-mail, but that is okay, since you are probably busy studying Vikings. I am becoming very skilled at using my sword and would say that I could defeat most of the villains I have read about in your book. I mentioned my Viking sword, if you remember. And I have succeeded in getting Gert and AK47 back together, an important part of my legend.
However, I have some questions about Viking hoards that Kepple’s Guide to the Vikings does not answer. On page 174 you say that Viking tribes went to war with other tribes and pillaged, which means to take treasure from other places that you have defeated. Are there any ways that Vikings get hoards, other than pillaging? I also have an interview at a library for a job. (I don’t know if Vikings have libraries, so that is another question you can answer.)
Thank you for reading, and have a good day.
Skál,
Zelda
chapter thirteen
That night, after Gert and AK47 went to bed and I sent my letter to Dr. Kepple, I set my alarm clock so I could wake up early, before Gert and AK47, and make them a feast of a breakfast to celebrate her coming back to the tribe. They had sex a long time, I could hear them, and I started to wonder about having sex with Marxy and fell asleep and wanted to dream about it but didn’t.
When my alarm clock went off Gert’s door was open, he was still asleep inside on the bed, lying down face-first. AK47 was at the front of the apartment, putting on her shoes to leave.
“Where are you going?” I asked.
She put her finger to my mouth to shush me. “Let him sleep,” she said.
I lowered my voice and asked where she was going. AK47 stood up and whispered, “No offense, Zee, but this isn’t a happy ending.”
“But you and Gert had sex.”
She put her finger to her mouth again and pointed to the hallway so we could talk there.
“Yeah, we had sex,” she said, closing the door behind us. “And?”
“And you love each other.”
“I know you think all stories have to end in a perfect way,” she said. “Life is complicated. You can love someone and they can be bad for you, or not right. I’m just not sure.”
“But you can always be perfect for each other and help each other become strong,” I said back.
She sighed. “Zelda. He doesn’t want help. Okay?”
I ran in front of her and put up my arms and said, “YOU SHALL NOT PASS.” She tried to walk past me and I kept standing in front of her.
“Come on, move,” she said, and I told her I was moving, and jumped in front of her again.
She stopped trying to get around me. “Are you hungry?” she asked.
“A little.”
“Well, I’m hitting McDonald’s before work. If you want, you can come plead your case. But I’m too hangry to be human on an empty stomach.”
* * *
We waited in line at McDonald’s and she explained why she didn’t trust what Gert was saying, about getting on the right track and changing.
“As much as I’d like to think he’s changed, after the last time we broke up, I can’t throw myself headfirst into this shit. I just can’t.”
“He said he will not be involved with Toucan anymore.”
“I don’t know this Toucan asshole, but I know people like him. And if your brother owes him money, that’s bad news.”
“But that’s why you should stay! You can be his fair maiden!”
“Honey, I’m nobody’s fair maiden. Gert has to learn to take care of himself.”
We got to the front of the line and ordered our food. AK47 liked the McMuffins and I liked pancakes.
“Look. For whatever reason, I have a soft spot for that asshole in my heart. Maybe it’s because of poor role models growing up and I feel the need to save birds with broken wings.”
“What if we make him go back?”
“Make him? The point is he has to start doing things himself. This was his chance.”
“He can take courses again if he failed,” I said. “You have to give heroes the chance to face defeat and then rise above it.”
She put her McMuffin down. “Zelda.”
“You are always talking about how I need to be given the chance to take care of myself and be my own legend, and you helped me pick out clothes for my job so I can be my best Viking self.”
“It’s not the same thing.” AK47 didn’t say anything for a few seconds. She stared out the window at a van that was trying to park into a space that was too small for it. “I just, I love him, I do. And I want things to work. But it’s not so simple.”
Then I thought about things that helped me in my legend, and I realized what Gert needed more than anything. “I think we should make rules for Gert to follow,” I said. “We need a RULES FOR LIFE FOR GERT.”
AK47 laughed.
“He’s a grown man, and I don’t know if you noticed, but your brother is very much against rules.”
“I am a grown woman and rules help me,” I said. “And these will be rules for the tribe. If he loves us, he will agree to follow them. Do you trust me?”
AK47 took a drink of her juice. “It’s not about trusting you, it’s about—”
“Do you?” I asked.
“Yeah, of course.”
“Then I’m asking you to trust Gert and give him a chance to be a hero again.”