“They shouldn’t be here,” I said. I pointed at Toucan. “Especially him. You said you weren’t going to be part of his tribe anymore.”
“Is that true?” Toucan said to Gert. “I’m hurt.”
“Zelda,” Gert said. “Bed. Now.”
Toucan sat on the couch and patted it next to him. “You.” He pointed at me. “Come. Sit. We need to have a conversation.”
I didn’t want to sit down next to Toucan. A lot of Gert’s friends were scary, but I never worried that they were scarier than Gert, who could be the scariest person on the planet. Gert acted like he was scared of Toucan.
Gert said I should go to bed, but Toucan said not yet.
Gert nodded at me, so I sat down on the couch. Gert also sat down, and on the other side of me was Toucan. The Fat Man didn’t sit down. He leaned against the counter and lit a cigarette.
“You didn’t see the house rules?” Toucan said to him, pointing at the sign near the door. “Take it out on the balcony if you’re going to smoke.”
The Fat Man tipped his head with the cigarette still in his mouth. “Seriously?”
“Very seriously. You don’t like smoke, do you, Zelda?”
“No,” I said. “Not even Gert is allowed to smoke in the house.”
Toucan pointed at the balcony window. “You heard her.”
The Fat Man took himself and his cigarette out to the balcony and shut the door. Toucan put his arm around me, which I hated, since he was not a member of our tribe.
“So, you know that everything that has to do with me has to do with your brother, which means it has to do with you. I have your brother help me out with some things. In exchange, I pay him. That’s what capitalism is.”
“Capitalism,” I said.
“I give you money, you give me goods and services.” He watched the Fat Man on the balcony with his cigarette. He was leaning over the edge and letting ash fall down. “So this is very important. I need to know I can trust Gert, and part of that is knowing I can trust you. Can I trust you?”
His arm was squeezing my shoulders so hard that it was starting to hurt. It reminded me of Uncle Richard on the couch, except Toucan’s grip was stronger. When I tried to wriggle free, he didn’t let go.
“Gert,” I said. “He’s hurting me.”
“Can I trust you?” Toucan repeated.
“You can trust her,” Gert said. “Can you relax?”
“I want her to say it,” Toucan said.
Now Toucan’s squeezing made me feel tiny. I felt like I was about to pop, like a balloon. “You can trust me,” I said, and Toucan let me go. He stood up and smiled, and Gert stood up too.
“All right,” he said. “It was nice to see you again, Zelda.”
The Fat Man knocked on the glass of the sliding balcony window. Toucan nodded and the Fat Man came back inside, throwing the cigarette on the balcony before stepping on it.
“Time to go,” Toucan said. “Gert, walk us down.”
He turned and walked out with the Fat Man behind him. Gert said, “I’ll be right back, just sit right there,” before following them.
Gert was gone for ten minutes. My shoulders hurt and when I pulled my sleeve up I could see the skin was red, like a bruise that was waiting to happen.
Then I saw that I had peed myself. I didn’t notice at first. But between my legs, and the couch under my butt, was wet and getting cold.
Gert came back with a new Reebok gym bag and shut the door. He saw me sitting on the couch, and my wet pants. And I was crying, which made me feel even worse.
I hadn’t wanted to cry in front of Toucan. Now I could cry, so I did. I had peed myself and was crying. Gert put the bag down. He ran over and lifted me up.
“I’m sorry I peed on the couch,” I said, and Gert put me over his shoulder, the way parents hold their kids.
He brought me to the bathroom and put me down. “Get out of those clothes. I’ll bring you some new stuff, okay? They’ll be outside the bathroom door. Get changed.”
In the shower, I thought about how stupid I was, peeing myself in front of Gert, in front of Toucan, who was a shit-heel that I didn’t want to be afraid of. But I was afraid of him. When I came out, Gert was in the living room, with a spray bottle of soap and a bucket of water. The couch cushions that I’d accidentally peed on were by the door.
* * *
That night I couldn’t sleep. The person I wanted to talk to, whose voice I wanted to hear, was Hendo. I had taken his phone number from the library computer and had it in my phone. Going under the covers, I called him.
“Who is this?” Hendo said.
“It’s me.”
“Me who? Oh.” He coughed into the phone. “Man, what time is it?”
I looked at the clock and told him the time, which was 1:32 a.m. He asked me what was going on. I first made him promise he would not tell anyone.
“Yeah, fine. Just let me get back to bed.”
I told him everything that happened—Toucan, the Fat Man, and Gert. The only thing I left out was peeing myself. It was gross and very unsexy. Hendo listened for a while and when I was finished he asked if there was anybody else there.
I said no. “Unless they were hiding.”
“What were they talking about?”
“I don’t know. Toucan just said ‘capitalism.’ ”
Hendo said he had no idea what that meant. “Did Toucan give Gert anything?”
“There was his gym bag and beer and cigarettes, which are not allowed.”
“Did Toucan take the bag or leave it with Gert?”
I rubbed my eyes. I did not know why he was asking. Hendo said to think, that it was important, and then I asked him why it was important and he said nevermind, which I did not like.
“Sorry,” Hendo said. “I know you don’t like it when people say that to you. Accept my apology?”
“Okay,” I said. “I think he left the gym bag.”
Hendo asked if I was working the next day, and I said I was. Hendo told me he would pick me up and we could talk it over in the car. “Okay? Right now I need to get some sleep.”
“Can you talk a little longer? I like hearing your voice.”
“Tomorrow,” Hendo said.
I hung up and threw the phone at the bed. It bounced up and onto the ground.
chapter twenty-five
In the morning Gert had cleaned everything. The cushions were not wet anymore. When I came out of my bedroom he was waiting for me. He said he was sorry for last night and for Toucan.
“I know you don’t like being in the dark about what’s going on.”
I crossed my arms and said, “Or lying to AK47,” because he had asked me not to tell her that Toucan had come over.
“I don’t like it either,” Gert said.
I asked him why he was still being around Toucan, when he promised he was finished.
“This is the last thing I’m doing for him. Then we’re all done.”
He would not talk any more about Toucan or what he had to do for him. “Capitalism,” I said, and Gert sighed and said, “Something like that.”
He asked if we were cool. I said we were, and he told me he would do some laundry, to clean the clothes I was wearing the night before.