“Are you okay?” I finally ask when she doesn’t say anything. I figured by this point she might speak up, tell me what’s on her mind, or even start cursing at me, but instead she’s been tight-lipped.
“I . . .” Keira struggles finding the words, “I’m surprised. I figured you had told people.”
I take a step back and give Keira some room to breathe, sure this is overwhelming her. Taking in a deep breath, I try and find the words that’ll make her feel better about this. “My brother, Brax’, knows, but no one else in my family does. Brax’ is the first one I’ve told.”
“Why haven’t you told anyone?” She finally asks, and I go back down the rabbit hole of being a people pleaser.
Shrugging my shoulders, I answer her. “I’m worried about disappointing them, maybe. You hear those horror stories about when people tell their families and get disowned. Maybe I’m afraid of that. I’m . . . I’m not really sure to be honest.”
Keira closes her eyes and takes in a deep breath, shaking her head. “I know it’s an incredibly hard thing to do, but, it’s something you need to do, Gemma. You can’t keep living a lie. At the end of the day your family will either support you or they won’t. The only way you’re going to find out is if you rip the band-aid off and tell them.”
“You sound like someone who had a positive experience,” I reply, hoping this will give me more insight on what her life was like around the time she told her friends and family. Plus, I’m hoping what we have will be salvageable. I can’t imagine what this is like in her shoes right now, finding out I haven’t said a thing to anyone.
Keira chuckles lightly and scoffs at the end. “No, I wish. My mother slapped me across the face when she found out I was dating a woman after my ex and I finalized our divorce. She called me an abomination and said she wanted nothing to do with me.”
“Oh my god. I’m so sorry. Has she come around?”
Keira’s expression falters to a look of sadness. She shakes her head. “No, she had a stroke a few weeks later which rendered her braindead. She passed away, hating the type of woman I am. I’ve . . . I’ve had to make peace with it, that not everyone will accept me for the way I choose to live my life. And that’s okay, I wish nothing but the best for them as long as they’re not being hateful toward me.”
“I’m so sorry. That sounds horrible.”
Keira nods lightly, “Yeah, it sucked knowing the last interaction she had was her telling me how much of a disappointment I was to her because of my sexual preferences. But, at the end of the day it was her cross to bear, not mine.”
“So . . . what do you think about what I’ve told you?”
Keira closes her eyes for a moment before opening them again. “Gemma, I really like you. I like you so damn much, but if this is ever going to work you can’t expect me to act like we’re just friends. I know you’re about to ask me to act like we’re friends at your work thing, because let’s face it, you aren’t ready to come out to the world, and that’s okay . . . but out of respect for both of us, we can’t continue this.”
A lump forms in my throat and I’m rendered speechless. I don’t know what to say, how to act, or even if there’s a way to fix this. “I don’t want to lose you, Keira.”
She smiles briefly before it fades away. “Gemma, I don’t want to lose you either. I know we’ve just started this, but somehow you’ve been chipping away at the walls I’ve put up. But even with that being said, I can’t just stand back in the shadows and hide what we are. You just called me your girlfriend, Gemma. Now why would you say that if you aren’t ready to tell everyone who you are, and be loud and proud about it? I know you’re not the type of woman to ever lead me on . . . but you need to figure stuff out.”
“What’re you saying?” I hope I’m wrong. I really hope the unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach is leading me in the wrong direction right now, though my gut has never led me astray.
“Take the next couple of weeks and figure out what you want. At the end of the day if you aren’t ready, you aren’t ready, but I don’t deserve to be forced to stand in the shadows, Gemma. Until you’ve made your decision, I think it’s best if we don’t communicate. You need a clear head, as do I.” Keira mutters, avoiding all eye contact with me. She walks past me and heads straight for the door. I hear the click of the lock coming undone and the door rattling against the frame as it’s shut.
God. What have I done?
Chapter Sixteen
Keira
I haven’t heard from Gemma for a couple of days now, but in hindsight I gave her a couple weeks to let me know where we stand. But even though I’m the one who made the timeline, I’m really struggling right now. While we haven’t seen each other very often, I’d be lying if I said she didn’t make a huge impact in my life already.
We went from communicating every single day to going radio silent and that’s been a hard pill for me to swallow, especially after she called me her girlfriend. Hell, I turned down going out with Bailey because I genuinely believe Gemma and I have something special. But no matter how special it is, I can’t just turn a blind eye to what she confessed.
Her family doesn’t know she’s a lesbian, and it’s obvious she’s still hiding it because she’s afraid. I’ve been through this rodeo once before and I don’t want to go through it again. It was agonizingly painful, and in the end my heart was broken.
Now it’s Friday, the day she asked me to go with her to an event. Something I would’ve loved to do, but I guess it’s good I’m not going. I have my own work event I needed to attend. One I totally forgot about until Rylee stopped by my office to give me a personal reminder. And when she comes by to remind you, it’s not something you say you can’t go to. Eh, whatever. I would’ve been sulking around the apartment anyway since I don’t have Kaia until Sunday morning when Vic gets back into town.
We’re having a charity event tonight which has become an annual thing for Corporate Cares. The event where Rylee and Colton met all those years ago, actually. A black tie event meant to bring in thousands of dollars for the kids, so I’m going to plaster on a fake smile, do my makeup really well, and slide into a dress I’ve been holding onto in my closet. I’ve been saving it for a grand occasion and this might be it.
In a matter of thirty minutes I’m ready and am in the back of an Uber, waiting for my driver to take me to the event. Opting for a full-coverage look with a soft pink matte lip. I didn’t want to go overboard with my makeup considering my dress is a statement in itself. I’ve already slid into my optical illusion dress by Jovani. If you look at it from one angle it’ll look silver, but another it’ll look like a vibrant gold.
The ride proceeds to go smoothly and before I know it, I’m at the entrance of the venue where the event is being held. I open my door with my clutch in hand and walk in through the lobby, heading to the ballroom. The room is packed with people. One glance and I figure there must be two or three hundred in here, but it could be more. Music plays in the background while drinks clink together and the sounds of laughter can be heard from all around.