My legs buckle, and I slide to the floor. Ashlea follows me down all the while stroking my hair.
“Oh, honey.” I feel Mom holding my hand and then rougher hands that I know are my father’s.
The tears keep coming, and they turn into sobs as my family does their best to comfort me. When I finally can see through my tears, Ashlea, Mom, Dad, and Kris are all sitting on the floor in the entryway with me. All of us are crying. This whole time I thought I’d protected my family from my worst nightmare, but they were right there with me.
“Why didn’t you ever say anything?”
“Oh, honey, you were broken inside and out. You needed time to heal, so we let you do that. Sweetheart, if you never wanted to talk about it, that’s okay, we love you,” replies Mom.
“I’m so sorry.”
Dad rubs my leg. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”
Finally, I look Kris in the eyes. “Did you know?”
“I found out recently.” I close my eyes and shake my head as more tears flow, then I feel his hands on my face. “Open your eyes, babe.” I shake my head. “Athena, open your eyes.” By their own volition, my eyes fly open. “Nothing has changed, you’re still you.” Shaking my head, Kris wipes my tears and nods. “You’re still you.”
“He’s right, honey,” agrees Mom.
Dad makes a noise, gets up on his knees, and grabs my hand. I’ve only seen my dad cry a few times in my life, and it breaks my heart to see him this way.
“You are the same perfect human being that I helped create and bring into this world. Those animals got what they deserved.” Dad makes a sobbing noise as he drags in more air.
Looking at the people I love most in the world, I see that although I thought I was going through this alone, they’ve been suffering right along with me.
***
Maybe it was ten minutes, maybe it was hours, my family sat with me in that hallway until I couldn’t cry anymore. Ashlea took me home, and we talked about all of it. Every grisly, horrible detail. Now, I’m curled up in bed, numb from letting it all come out. There’s a knock at my door, and as much as I don’t want to face anyone, I know I have to.
“Yes?”
The door opens a foot, and Kris sticks his head in. “Want company?”
I shrug, not knowing how I feel.
He pushes the door open, and in one hand he has a chocolate bar and the other a cup of tea. “I bring gifts.”
As though I can’t help it, I smile. “I like gifts.”
Kris comes into the room and kicks the door shut. “Well, I have the best gift. Me.”
I laugh as he places the tea next to me on the bedside table, walks around it, kicks off his shoes, and lies next to me. Kris opens the chocolate and breaks off a piece putting it into his mouth.
“Hey, I thought that was mine?”
“I told you I’m the gift.”
He breaks off another piece.
“Have you heard the law about not getting between a woman and chocolate?”
Kris pops the chocolate into his mouth. “That’s a real thing?”
I pull the bar out of his hand and put it on my side table. “Fuck, yes, it is.”
He trails a finger up my arm. “You okay?”
I nod.
“Can I do anything?”
Picking up the chocolate, I smile. “This is good.”
Kris kisses my arm. “Want me to stay?”
“Not sure I’m good company.”
“Is Ashlea here?”
“Yep. Guess she’s in the guest room.”
“Have you eaten?”
“No.”
“Okay, I’m going to go rummage through your fridge and cook something, and you and Ashlea are going to either sit out by the firepit or in your garden.” Kris kisses my arm again and stands.
“Kris?”
He turns, one eyebrow raised. “Hmm?”
“How can you want to be with me?” It comes out strangled, my voice is alien to me.
Pursing his lips, Kris sits on the bed beside me and it dips, I roll into him, encircling him with my body. Kris brushes the hair on my face.
“Athena, it’s the other way around. I left you. You have no idea how grateful I am that you let me back in, that you made it easy for me. You could have let me twist in the wind. I really believed you and Todd were an item. You could have let me leave believing that, but instead, you took another chance on me, and, baby, I’m not fucking this up.”
I’ve never seen him so serious. His eyes bore into mine, and he strokes my hair.
“I’m not talking about that. I am talking about—”
Kris holds a finger over my lips. “Do not even let that enter your pretty little head. I’m sorry for what happened to you. I want to rain hurt down on those men. But if that hadn’t happened, you would have found a Todd.” He smiles and shakes his head. “Well, apart from the gay part, you would have found a man and settled down. I haven’t been a monk in LA—”
“That’s different.”
“You’re right, it is. You were forced, and one day you and I are going to sit down and talk all that out, but know it doesn’t change how I feel about you. It doesn’t even enter my head. To me, you’re perfect.”
I want so badly to believe him.
Closing my eyes, so I can’t see the depth of his emotions, I say, “It was my fault.”
I hear his intake of breath and feel the absence of him as he moves away from me, and I wait, eyes closed for him to speak, and there’s nothing. Counting to ten in my head, I open my eyes, and he’s there, kneeling on the floor with those piercing blue eyes, staring at me with so much compassion.
“There’s nothing you can say that will ever make me believe it was your fault. Those animals are the ones I blame. Not you, never you.”
Nodding, I sit up. “Do you want some help in the kitchen?”
“Nope, I want you to get Ashlea, grab a bottle of something out of the fridge, and go outside. Relax, you two have a big day tomorrow.”
“Oh, shit, tomorrow.” Raising a hand to my forehead, I groan. “Do I have to go?”
“Yep, you’re there for the bride, I’m there for the groom. It’s our job to make sure they make it to the chapel on time.”
Kris stands and opens my bedroom door. Ashlea is on the other side, her hand raised as though she’s about to knock.
“Kris?”
“Hey, Ashlea, we were just coming to get you. I’m going to cook you two a meal, and you two are going to drink a bottle of something outside.”
“Who’s looking after TB?”
“Right now, his dad. But when I’m done here, I’ll go check on him.”
Ashlea smiles, then looks at me. “Seems like he’s got it all sorted.”
Walking toward her, Kris moves out of the way, and I embrace her. “He does. Let’s go see what’s in my fridge.”
Ashlea beams at me. “I am hungry.”
“Not thirsty?” I ask.
“Your taste in wine sucks.”
Kris makes a noise then bursts out laughing.
Ashlea nods. “It’s true.”
“Well, you ladies best go look and see if there’s something in there you both might like.”