“It’s not like I could walk down the mountain.”
“Exactly. You were trapped.”
Still, there’s something in her voice that makes me nudge her. We’re sitting on the beach, stretched out on lounge chairs. Finally relaxing for the first time since we got here.
Though there’s no such thing as taking a vacation from scrutiny.
“What? What aren’t you asking?”
She purses her lips. “I was only wondering what you two talked about. What happened when you were alone on the bus.”
“Ew!”
“What?” She’s laughing, teasing me.
“Hayley, I thought I was going to die. I’ve never felt that way before, that sort of panic attack. My heart was racing, and my stomach was in knots. I could hardly breathe or think.”
“Except for the stomach part, that sounds like it could be the result of something else …”
“You’re the absolute worst. Trust me, the only thing on my mind was getting off the mountain without dying. He was nice to stay with me.”
“He was very nice. I’m not arguing that. It was cool of him to talk to you. I’m assuming he talked to you.”
“The whole time.”
“About what?”
“Gosh, I can barely remember. It was all a way to take my mind off things.” With my hands over my face, I groan. “Everybody has to think I’m a complete idiot. I know they were all looking at me funny and whispering about me.”
“Not everybody.”
“Is that supposed to make me feel better?”
“I hoped it would.” She lowers her sunglasses, eyeing me. “I mean, some of these girls are total bitches. I hate even being associated with them through this wedding and can’t wait to never see them again. Though I guess they’ll be at the baby shower someday, if Kylie ever has a kid.”
“Why does she have so many bridesmaids? I mean, eight seems a little much.”
“Because she has soooo many friends.” Hayley snorts before leaning back in her chair. “It’s a shame they’re all wretched.”
“She seems smarter than them. Too smart to want to spend time with them.”
“They were sorority sisters. Honestly? I think she was so grateful to be accepted by older girls. With her going into college so early and everything, she wasn’t exactly popular. Most of the people there thought of her as a freak, I think.”
“Jeez.” I never considered that before. It had to be lonely for her.
“But they welcomed her into the sorority, and I know she felt privileged to be in their company. I can’t imagine it personally since they’re the worst. But I’m older now than she was then, so it’s easier for me to see. Now, I think she sticks with them out of habit and feels like she has to. Besides, she’s so busy with work all the time; she doesn’t have the energy to make new friends.”
I never expected a whole dissertation. “Not that you’ve given any thought to this.”
“Shut it.”
“No, it’s okay. You’re her sister. It’s only natural for you to have given this some thought. Especially when you don’t like those girls. You must’ve done a lot of wondering about why she spends time with them.”
“Yeah. Among other things she’s made me wonder about.”
“Speak of the devil.” I jerk my head slightly, indicating the group of girls farther down the beach. Kylie is with them. “I hope she finally chills out. Maybe a couple fruity drinks will help.”
“I don’t know that drinks will take the stick out of her ass.”
“I think I feel sorry for her.”
“You would.”
“I’m just saying. I love you. You know I do. But it’s not like she tied you up and held lit matches to your feet. Imagine peaking at a super-early age. You have to spend the rest of your life living up to that impossible standard.”
“Sounds a little like you.”
“Oof, you nasty thing.”
“I wasn’t trying to be nasty. Seriously, I wasn’t,” she insists. “I’m saying, it really does sound like you. You peaked so early and with hardly any of the growing pains most people in your profession go through. How do you do better than that? How do you top yourself? Because, of course, people expect you to.”
“There you go. It stinks. It more than stinks. It’s the worst.”
“Yeah. Now that you put it that way …” She laughs, which is a surprise, given the nature of the topic. “Leave it to you to make me look at her in a different way. Isn’t it usually the other way around? Aren’t I the one telling you how silly you’re acting?”
“Would you use the word silly? I’d use the word … charming.”
“I would not.” She snorts. But at least she’s not being all down on her sister anymore.
And she’s not asking pointed questions about the time I spent alone with Kellen.
I wasn’t kidding when I told her I don’t remember what we talked about. Nothing specific. I do remember he told me about his family, his job, his apartment. Basic cocktail-party small talk. He asked about my family. I told him about my parents. Grandmother and Peter. I do remember that.
I also remember that he thought it was pretty neat, the two of them getting together after so many years. And I remember thinking then that I thought he was pretty neat for feeling that way.
I still do.
I think he’s pretty neat in general. A little temperamental maybe. Grumpy at times. But a decent soul.
He didn’t have to stay with me on the bus. He didn’t have to be nice about it when he did either.
“Tomorrow morning is snorkeling,” Hayley reminds me, blowing a sigh through pursed lips.
“I think that sounds like fun!”
“So, you’re gonna do it?”
“Probably not.”
“Kitty.”
“Don’t try to strong-arm me into it either. I need to work down here too.”
“You are not going to do any such thing,” she growls. “You deserve the time off. And if you don’t come snorkeling—which will disappoint me, I’m not gonna lie—you’d better do something fun instead. Which means not working.”
“I have to at least take notes if I hope to remember anything I see down here. And I have to monitor my social media feed. I’ve been posting pics but not responding to any comments.” I raise my pitch, mimicking Maggie. “Interaction, sweetie. It’s all about interaction.”
“You do her voice way too well.”
“If she’d stop saying things worth mimicking, I wouldn’t have a reason to practice.”
“Who do you practice it with? You live alone. Do you randomly talk to yourself in Maggie’s voice?”
I turn to the water, raising a magazine in front of my face. “Shush.”
“Because I think that’s how Norman Bates got his start.”
“Quiet, pest.”
“Hey, girls!”
That gets our attention. We both look to the left, where Kylie and the rest of her bridesmaids have set up shop. Their chairs are in a circle, their feet in the center.