"I know." I hadn't meant for that to slip out. She was going to think I was stalking her. I wasn't. I just noticed her. She was hard not to notice. And she had said "still." She had known I lived on campus. Had she noticed me too?
"How did you know that?" she asked.
"I saw you around campus."
"Why didn't you introduce yourself?"
"You were always studying. I would have just gotten in your way." Again, too honest. But she said she wanted something real. I found it easy to tell the truth around her. To tell her whatever she wanted to know.
"Did you go to school there too?"
"No, I moved in with James and then ended up staying when he went to New York with Penny."
"Where did you go to school then?"
"Harvard. Like everyone else in my family." I couldn't hide the resentment in my voice. I had wanted to take a few years off to travel, but my father forced me to go. So much good that had done him. I hadn't had a real job since graduation. I had been traveling ever since. Maybe I'd never stop. Unlike Daphne, stability didn't appeal to me that much.
I was surprised when I felt her hand brush the side of my face. It dipped behind my back and rested against the base of my neck. She felt comfortable around me. Why else would she be holding onto me?
"I would have loved to go to Harvard. I got in. But I almost got a full ride to the University of New Castle. I couldn't turn down that scholarship. Not when I knew I wanted to be a teacher. I would have had to pay off those loans for the rest of my life. I regret that sometimes. Being so worried about the future."
For some reason I felt the need to comfort her. To tell her she hadn't made a mistake. Because maybe we would have never met if it wasn't for that decision. But that's not what came out of my mouth. Instead, I said, "The University of New Castle's campus is actually prettier. And the people are nicer."
"They weren't nice to your brother."
"No. I guess they weren't." I felt guilty sometimes for staying. Like I was being a traitor, staying in the place that had shit all over him and Penny. But I couldn't seem to move. I couldn't go back to New York. There wasn't anything there for me. There wasn't anything for me in Newark either though. "You moved away from Newark, right?" I knew that she probably graduated last year, because I hadn't seen her since last spring. I was an observant guy.
"Yeah. I guess you could say that I needed a change. New York City seemed like a glamorous choice. I'm teaching at a school in Manhattan."
"My family is from New York. But I chose to keep my distance."
"Why?"
Why? Because I hate my parents? Because I'm jealous of James? Because I worry about him? Distance doesn't change those things. Maybe it makes it harder. "I need to figure some stuff out on my own."
"I'm still figuring stuff out too." She laughed in the darkness. But it wasn't like her laughs from earlier. There was something sad in it. I wanted to know what it was.
I thought I'd surprise her here. I thought she'd find the gesture grand and romantic. And I'd get to finally have her. Instead, I had got beaten up. She knew how to take a fucking swing. The girl had an impressive right hook. And she hadn't just physically assaulted me. She was making me think about things I didn't want to think about. Things I avoided thinking about. And now my insides were twisting in knots. Am I avoiding my family? Am I hiding in Newark? I prided myself on truly living. Maybe I wasn't living at all.
"So, you live in Newark and I live in New York. See? It would just be this one night."
One night isn't enough. "I come to New York all the time to bother James and Penny. I'm sure I could bother one more person on my trips."
"I like plans and structure. I wouldn't be able to handle you just showing up for booty calls or whatever you'd call them. That's not what I'm looking for. At all."
Me either. I wanted her to want me. Not just for a night. I wanted to be wanted. I wanted to be needed. No one really needed me. I had my family and my friends but it wasn't the same. I wanted someone to look at me the way Penny looked at James. Maybe I needed something real. Maybe I needed a change. I was sick of sleeping around. I wanted a little of that structure that she was apparently so into.
"So, how long term are we talking about?" I asked. What the fuck did I just say?
She laughed. A real one this time. The sadness was suddenly gone. What I had just asked was ridiculous, but why did she find it so humorous? I could do long term. If I made a decision I could stick to it. Now I just wanted to prove her wrong.
"I can't handle you," she said and lightly touched the center of my chest. "And I don't think you could handle me either."
"Baby, I can definitely handle you."
"I don't think so."
"Is that a challenge?"
She laughed.
"Challenge accepted."
"It's not a challenge."
"Mhm. Well, either way, how about we just see how this weekend goes?" If she was scared of the label of a one night stand, then I'd take that off the table. It could be more. At least a few nights. Just not one. "Like I said, I'm in New York all the time. Probably as much as I'm in Newark."
"I'm not having sex with you this weekend, Rob Hunter."
Yes you will. "Fine. Just kissing."
She laughed. "I think I should swim away and we should never see each other again."
I didn't like that thought at all. And there was something in her voice that made it seem like she didn't like the idea either. Like she almost said it as a question, wondering what I was thinking. "That's going to be hard. We already have plans tonight."
"We can cancel them."
"I'm sure your friend would be terribly disappointed if she didn't get to hang out with my brother tonight."
"Don't encourage that. Kristen is impossible. Actually, you two kind of have that in common. Maybe you should be hitting on her."
God this girl was stubborn. I just wanted to shake her. She could feel this heat. She said she wanted something tangible and I could feel this chemistry. It couldn't just be me. "What are you so scared of?"
"I'm not scared."
"Look. Here's the deal. I refuse to leave you alone for the rest of the time we're here. I refuse to let someone else remove your bracelets. I don't think you even realize how R-rated the cards get. And I can't not kiss you when I'm next to you. So you'll have to let me do that too. Okay? No one night stand. No sex." I cringed saying it aloud. All I wanted was to fuck her. "Just really borderline inappropriate make out sessions. We're going to see where the weekend takes us. We'll go from there. Deal?"
"Why is everything a negotiation to you? I feel like all I've done since we've met is make deals that always seem to sway in your favor..."
I silenced her complaint with a kiss. I was done talking. So what if I told her I wasn't going to put sex on the table? It just meant I'd have to get her to beg for it instead. And she wouldn't have to beg for long before I said yes. I grabbed her ass, lifting her legs around me again. If she didn't feel this electricity, I'd make her feel it. I'd make her feel it until she couldn't stand it. Until it shattered her. Until she opened her legs and guided my cock deep inside of her.