There was hardly any accusation in my voice, I was almost sure.
“She’s a couple months old. Where can she go?”
His relentless calm made me want to kick him. “Couple months, huh? Got that nailed down.”
I’d surmised the same myself since I’d been babysitting since the age of thirteen and had taken care of kids of all ages. But hearing him admit it made me madder somehow.
It was ridiculous to feel betrayed. We were friends. He didn’t owe me full disclosure. I might’ve believed we’d told each other almost everything, but clearly, that was not the case and I’d just have to come to terms with it.
Maybe by the time his daughter turned eighteen.
“Well, considering I was only…with her mother for a couple of days last December, it wasn’t too hard to guess her age. She might have been premature, I guess, because she’s small—where are you going?”
With my hand on Sadie’s head at my side, I turned toward the door. “Downstairs.”
“With the dog?”
“The dog,” I enunciated carefully, “is smart and sweet. She will not injure the baby.”
But Jared didn’t move. Instead, he braced both hands on the doorjamb, reminding me just how big and broad he was. Not to mention how much larger he was than me, which secretly thrilled me when I was feeling especially female as we walked side by side down the street.
My thoughts were traitorous sometimes. Tonight, especially.
Sadie’s large plume of a tail swished against my leg as she let out a whimper in support. I glanced down at her and inwardly sighed at the pleading expression that usually meant she had to pee. “She has to go out. Speaking of that, have you changed your daughter’s diaper yet?”
It was surprisingly satisfying to watch Jared pale under his tan. “I don’t have any diapers.”
“I should hope not, unless you’ve been keeping other secrets from me.” I held up a hand. “Ones I do not need to know about, thanks.”
His jaw worked. “I wasn’t keeping a secret from you. I didn’t know she existed until tonight.”
Sympathy swam through me at the obvious pain in his voice. My first inclination was to wrap my arms around him and give him a rib-crushing Ramos hug. At least that was a concrete action I could take.
But the petty, small-minded woman inside me would not let the mothering side of me take control.
“I’m assuming you remembered the sex part though.”
He gave me a tight nod.
“And you recall that you did not tell me about that.”
“It was not pertinent.”
“Oh, no? I’d say it was extremely pertinent, considering the result’s dirty diaper is probably stinking up your living room.”
Even as I spoke, I felt bad. Judging from the scarce amount of information Jared had shared, his kid hadn’t had an easy go of it thus far. What kind of mother did she have to dump her off on Jared this way? And where exactly was she?
“Since we’re on the topic, what sort of woman did you get naked with, huh? Just wondering what kind of chick drops her infant on a clueless dude and takes off for what, a mental health vacay?”
“I’m not clueless. And she didn’t take off for a vacay.” He did air quotes. “She just took off, period.” His forehead pinched as he closed his eyes. “I don’t know her name. I don’t even know if she gave her one. She’s a couple of months old, and her own mother didn’t even care enough to tell me the kid’s name.”
Horror curled through me at the reality of just what he was describing. God, that poor sweet little girl.
“We’ll give her one.”
His eyes opened as I heard myself. But it was too late. I couldn’t take it back or remove myself safely from the situation so I couldn’t get any more hurt than I was already.
It didn’t matter if my reasons were stupid or if I didn’t have any right to have them. My chest hurt just the same.
“You’ll help?” I bit my lip as he reached out to brush a curl away from my eyes. “Please, Bee. I need you. You said it yourself. I’m clueless.”
My lips twitched. I could never stay mad at him for long. Damn him. But if I didn’t stay mad, the pain would sneak in, and I didn’t want that to happen either.
“You told me you weren’t.”
“Well, in matters of life, I guess not, no, or at least I wasn’t until I went to the city for a law enforcement convention and hooked up with a woman who wasn’t at all who I thought she was.”
I stroked Sadie’s soft ear as she leaned her head against my thigh. “Did she leave you high and dry?”
“No. It wasn’t like that. It was honestly nothing but two nights in a hotel room. We didn’t make plans to connect afterward because we were blowing off steam. That’s all.”
“While you were blowing, did your hand slip on the latex?”
His direct glance nearly made me blush. “My hand never slips, Bee.”
“Then what happened?”
He pushed a hand through his short dark hair. “I don’t know. She said she was on the Pill too.”
“Sounds like you need a S on your chest if you can go through two forms. If she was being honest.”
“How the hell do I know? Now I’m questioning everything. Replaying every conversation and every—”
“Liplock?” I suggested, instantly wanting to seal my own lips shut with superglue.
“I think it means more to you than it did to me, since you’ve spent as much time thinking about it in the last few minutes as I have the entire past year.”
“Well, you knew about it and I didn’t. And if it was so meaningless to you, it seems even more likely you’d be like, ‘hey, got some this week, sucks to be you.’ But hey, what do I know, right?” I patted Sadie’s back, and she wiggled her rump excitedly. “C’mon, Sadie, let’s get some fresh air.”
Except Jared wasn’t budging from the doorway.
I sighed. “Seriously? Can’t you take a hint?”
“I didn’t tell you because I wasn’t proud that I’d done it.”
“Oh, no, did you have first time regrets?” Being a smart ass under pressure was a bad habit of mine, and usually, Jared just laughed off my remarks.
He was not laughing now. In fact, his expression was practically a glower.
“It wasn’t my first time, which you damn well know. Far from it. That blessed event belonged to Anna Nordway when I was fourteen.”
“Fourteen?” I couldn’t help widening my eyes. “Early bloomer.”
He shrugged. “It’s different for a guy.”
I shook my head. “Oh, Lord, please grant me the serenity not to knee him in his misogynistic balls. He’s already gotten some use out of them, so I could look at it as a public service.”
He surprised me by laughing. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Yes, you did. Next, you’ll say women should stay in the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant.”
His nostrils flared, and something stirred way down low in my belly. So low I wasn’t sure anything had ever gone on in that particular place before. “What about you?”