“I want you to tell me that you don’t love me.”
She tried to blink away the tears, but they were falling fast. “Why do I have to say it?”
He dropped one of those sweet little kisses that she used to love so much on her lips. “Because if you can say it now, I’ll believe you.”
She sniffed.
“But I don’t believe you can.”
She looked up into his beautiful blue eyes. Part of her wanted to say it. But she couldn’t. She’d never been able to and never would. She shook her head.
“No, you don’t?”
She sucked in deep breath and then slowly blew it out. “No, I’m not a liar.”
He rolled to the side, pulling her with him so that she lay face to face with him. His smile was tentative, but it was there, and she could feel one on her own face to match it. She knew what he wanted to hear. And as much as part of her didn’t want to, she had to tell him.
“I’ve hated you. You know that.”
He nodded.
“But I love you. I always have.”
He hugged her close to his chest and kissed her slowly and tenderly. Then he leaned back so he could see her face. “And I love you. I always have and I always will. And when I’m ready to let you out of bed, I’m going to show you that I didn’t lie to you.”
Leanne’s heart sank. She’d been caught up in the moment. But he’d brought it all crashing back down.
“You know, if you’ll just admit that you lied, I think I can live with it. I’ll get over the rest.”
He held her gaze for a long moment. “I want to be happy with that. But it still kills me that you don’t believe me.”
Anger bubbled up. She was tempted to roll out of bed, find her clothes, and go. But it felt so good to be lying here back in his arms. She’d finally accepted that he owned her heart and always would. It was time to stick around and work through it with him.
He smiled. “You’re angry but you’re not leaving?”
She nodded and snuggled against his chest. “This is why I said no talking. Not yet.”
He dropped a kiss on her forehead and held her closer. “You’re right. For now, this is all we need.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Ryan poured them each a drink and took them to where she was standing in front of the window overlooking the lake.
“Thanks.” She took it with a smile.
He stood behind her and slid his arm around her waist, pulling her back against him. It was hard to believe that she was really here. He needed to be close to her, needed to have her in his arms and never let her go again.
He slid his hand inside her T-shirt, and she chuckled. “I hope you have a needle and thread and intend to sew all the buttons back on my dress. I’m not leaving here in your workout gear.”
He nuzzled his face into her neck. “What if I told you I don’t?”
She looked up at him over her shoulder and raised an eyebrow.
His heart raced. “You’ll just have to stay.” He knew he shouldn’t be going there yet, but he couldn’t help it. He had to. He needed her to know that this was it as far as he was concerned. He had her back, and he didn’t plan to let her go.
“I’d need clothes in the morning, even if I did.”
He met her gaze needing to know if she was misunderstanding him deliberately. She was.
She shrugged and stepped away from him. “Okay. So, I know what you mean. But … how …” She blew out a sigh and set her drink down. “Part of me wants to just bury my head in the sand and say okay; pretend that everything’s fine now. But you know I can’t.”
“I know, babes. And I can’t either. What you said … that you could live with it, find a way to get over it …” He shook his head. “That’s what I wanted to hear back then. I needed to know that you loved me enough to do that.”
Her eyes flashed, and he knew he was on dangerous ground, but he pushed on.
“I mean, I wanted you to believe in us no matter what. There is nothing to get over. I promise you. And I’m about to show you.” He held his hand out to her.
She looked at it and then looked into his eyes. “Where are we going?”
“Trust me?” He was only going to take her into the office, but he needed her to show him that her trust in him wasn’t completely destroyed.
She hesitated, but then grabbed her drink and took his hand. “Okay.”
He led her into the office and offered her the chair at his desk. He pulled up another and reached over her to fire up his computer.
She looked up at him, her big, blue eyes boring into his.
“Whatever it is, say it, Lee.” He dropped a kiss on her lips. He couldn’t resist.
“I don’t even know what I want to say. I just want this to be real somehow. I want for you to be able to wave a magic wand and make it all go away.” Her hand shook as she pushed a strand of hair behind her ear.
He leaned in and kissed her neck. He couldn’t help it, but she shied away.
“But Ryan, I know what I saw.”
“I know what you think you saw.” He turned to the computer and pulled up the first document she needed to read. He thought about it and then opened the file manager. “Everything you need to know is in there; three documents, a couple of email strings, and two videos. And it’s up to you; I’ll leave and let you have all the time you need, or I’ll sit right here by your side and answer every question you have as you go through them.”
She looked at the screen then turned back to him. “Why are you prepared to let me see it all now? If this is really going to clear everything up why couldn’t you have shown me at the time?”
“I didn’t know most of this existed then. Even if I had, I couldn’t have shown you because it was only declassified a few years ago.” He shrugged. “I couldn’t tell you the truth. I could only ask you to believe me. By the time I could have proved it, there was no point in showing it to you. By then, you didn’t want to know.” He touched her cheek. “And to be honest, I didn’t want to show you. I didn’t want to have to show you. I was still angry with you. Angry that you didn’t believe me.”
She pursed her lips, looking as though she was about to get angry with him again, but he dropped another kiss on her lips before she could. “Read it first?”
She nodded.
“Do you want me to stay?” He hoped she’d say yes. He wanted to see her reaction. But she shook her head.
“I don’t feel close enough to you yet.”
That hurt his heart, but he understood.
“You’ve been the enemy for years, Ryan.”
“I know.” He got to his feet. “I’ll be in the kitchen.” He turned back when he got to the door. There were tears rolling down her face, and he wanted to go back and hold her. He didn’t want to be the cause of her tears anymore. He wanted to be her future, wanted her to be his. But he wasn’t the one who got to decide that. She needed to figure out for herself if it was what she wanted. “I love you, Lee.”