“Oh. Based on what Yorso has said, Nobeks are fiercely competitive. Having a little guy showing up bigger boys—”
“Their resentment was obvious.” Osopa snorted, his smile cynical.
“You didn’t have any friends?”
“Not to speak of. I don’t blame them. I would’ve been irritated with any know-it-all brat who upstaged me too. So I learned to be even more self-sufficient than I already was, which put me at a greater distance from my peers than before.”
Tina felt his pain as her own. They’d faced the same rejection, though they’d dealt with it differently. She hated that Osopa had been hurt as she had, but it made her feel close to him.
“Did visits to your family improve?”
He shook his head. “My sister settled into a depression that showed no sign of leaving. My attitude was abysmal where she was concerned. On one occasion, I uncharitably told my parents she probably liked their fawning over her, so why should she get any better?”
Tina winced, sure she knew how that comment had been taken.
“Snem, my Nobek father, explained to me under no uncertain terms I was to never say such things again—to not even think them. I returned to training camp barely able to sit after my punishment. And resentful.” He sighed.
“Did Jisa ever recover from the disappointment?”
Osopa stared unseeing at the wall, now blank with Tukui’s paintings removed. “She’s not the center of attention any longer. When I was fifteen, my parents were involved in a shuttle crash. My fathers were killed, and my mother was left badly disabled. My sister lives with her, taking care of her.”
“I’m sorry you lost your fathers, Osopa. And that your mother was so badly injured.” She covered his hand with hers.
He turned it palm up so he could twine his fingers with hers. “It’s been nearly fifteen years since the crash. I miss them still, but I have a fulfilling life here. I have a career I enjoy, and I have clanmates who more than offset what I missed out on as a child. Including my Matara, with hair like fire and the soul of a saint.”
Tina chuckled at the effusive praise. “I doubt I qualify for sainthood. What about your sister? No one offered to clan her? Was it because she cares for an invalid?”
“She’s had offers, most of which included welcoming our mother moving in with them. As I said, women are so rare that infertility isn’t a dealbreaker for many clans. But Jisa has refused every interested clan.”
“Why?”
“My inclination is to believe she’s bitter. After all these years, she doesn’t hesitate to declare me selfish and uncaring because I pursued my career rather than live with her and Mother.”
“Don’t you contribute to their welfare? Men on Earth are supposed to work to support their families.”
“My parent clan’s estate is wealthy enough to guarantee the welfare of my mother and sister financially for their lifetimes. They have a large staff to cook and clean. They could afford a fulltime nurse for my mother if Jisa weren’t so intent on playing the martyr.” Osopa groaned and hunched his shoulders. “That wasn’t kind of me. She takes excellent care of Mother. I wouldn’t trust anyone else to do as good a job.”
“Old hurts don’t heal quickly.” Tina wondered how it would have gone if she’d returned home, only to be treated by her father the same as before. Something in her shrank at the idea.
“Maybe Jisa’s right about me. I cherish them in my heart, because they’re my family. It’s been hard to show because I’ve doubted they thought the same of me.”
“You stopped trying. I couldn’t, to the point of making myself miserable. Neither of us handled our circumstances well, did we?”
He squeezed her hand. “My past can’t put distance between you and me. I have to do better. You’re my Matara. My world.”
The heartfelt statement startled her. Even more shocking was the blatant yearning in his gaze. She’d have given up everything for Osopa to mean what he said, if she’d had anything at all to give.
She tried to laugh it off, though her heart screamed for it to be real. “Your world? After so few days of acquaintance, that has to be an exaggeration.”
“It’s not. From my first day in training camp, I was taught to worship my future clan. To make its members the center of my existence. That’s the driving motivation of every true Nobek: protect our clans and the empire at all costs.”
“I can’t be that important when you barely know me.”
“No? My entire focus during the battle with the Tragooms should have been destroying them. Most of it was. But there was a part of me that couldn’t stop worrying about you, Tukui, and Yorso. Especially you, because you’re the most vulnerable. A piece of me was screaming nonstop the entire time. ‘Is Tina safe? Has she been injured?’ As soon as I could, I ran to be sure you were okay. If you’d been hurt, I’d—I’d—I can’t imagine what would have happened. It’s too terrible to consider.”
She’d done nothing to earn such devotion. After astonished silence, she managed, “I was scared for you too. Maybe you have issues showing your emotions, but you’ve been good to me.”
“I want to be better than good. I want us to be lovers in truth. Not for making babies, but because it’s torture for us to not be together. I want to be the reason you smile.”
Tina could barely breathe. Was this real? She didn’t dare hope, but hope filled her nonetheless. “I’d like that too.”
The kiss was tentative, as if they had never touched before that moment. They sank into the moment. Into each other.
He’d bared himself to her, letting Tina see the vulnerabilities that he’d trusted only to Tukui and Yorso. As terrifying as the idea had been when he’d contemplated it, the act relieved Osopa. It was as if a piece of him had been begging him all along to reveal his truth. The hurt and shame of his past had become manageable again by exposing them.
She knew the anguish of being invisible to those who should have loved them. She’d lived it as he had. Perhaps, now that they were together, they could heal.
She molded against him, his fire woman growing hotter as he explored her slight curves hidden beneath the voluminous dress she wore. They drifted down to the sleeping mat. He covered her with his body. He was her shelter, her safety. She was his anchor, the secure place he could fix himself to without fear of being cut loose.
Osopa wasn’t sure how they ended up naked. They’d pulled their clothes off, but he couldn’t remember doing so. Perhaps his uniform and her dress had melted in her fire. It didn’t matter. What mattered was her soft warmth against him, her gentle gaze returning his with a heartrending mix of hope and desire, how she yielded to his aching hunger when he slid within her.
Her eager surrender was a gift, all the more precious since Tina no longer viewed it as a necessity to be accepted. She was a woman not just eager to please, but intent on claiming the pleasure in the manner she preferred. Osopa thrust deep, drowning in the pleasure of how she clutched him.
He pinned her wrists with one hand while clenching her thigh with the other. Showing the mastery she demanded to submit to. He watched her soften in obedience to his cravings, trusting him to be the man she deserved. The man he needed to be for her.