“Give it to me straight. What’s really bugging you about my interest in Val?”
She huffed out a frustrated breath, and even though she wasn’t right in front of me, I could picture her pinching the bridge of her nose like she always did when she was stressed.
“You’re just like dad, Derek. When you love, you don’t just love a little. You love with your whole heart. If you end up with Val, she’ll be lucky to have you, but I think there’s a lot about her you can’t see from the outside. If she’s an abuse survivor as we both suspect, you’d be wise to take things slow—no diving in headfirst with this one. For all you know, she may harbor extreme fears stemming from a bad experience. Think about what you know about Hana and all she went through. You’ve seen firsthand what catastrophic thinking looks like. That kind of mindset could lead Val to obsess over worst-case outcomes. I’m not saying that’s going to happen with her, but I worry that she may unintentionally sabotage your relationship before it even starts. I don’t want to see you get hurt in the process.”
I frowned at my sister’s assessment and pushed aside the nagging worry she could possibly be right. It may feel like she was constantly nosing into my business but she almost always gave sound advice.
“Are you trying to say I shouldn’t pursue anything with her?”
“On the contrary, I don’t think that at all. In fact, I think you absolutely should pursue her. If not, you’ll be left wondering again—and you’ve already wondered about her for too many years. I just want to make sure you’ve thought it through. Who knows? Perhaps you’re exactly what a girl like her needs. That spark you talked about? It’s time to see if it was meant to turn into a flame.”
18
Val (Gianna)
I absently spooned a bowl of lukewarm oatmeal and stared at the clock. I had two hours until my private training session. With each passing minute, my apprehension grew.
Not having much of an appetite, I dumped the contents of the bowl and went to get dressed. Throwing on the same sweats and tank top I’d only worn for a short time the day before, I gave myself a once over in the mirror. One thing was certain—I left much to be desired. My short hair was pulled into a pathetic little nub at the back of my head. One of these days I’d scrape together enough cash to get a proper haircut. The old clothes on my body didn’t quite fit me right. They were too tight in some places, too baggy in others. Teddy’s ex-wife was roughly my size—roughly being the keyword. While her shirts fit me across the shoulders, I was bustier, and everything pulled tight across the chest. Her hips were wider, which gave me a serious case of sag in the pants. It was no wonder I lacked any confidence—I looked like a ragamuffin.
I eyed up the cash tips I’d left on the bedside table the night before and thought about the cute fitness clothing boutique three blocks away. My first week at Camilla’s had gone remarkably well. While the tips weren’t quite as good as the ones I’d received at Teddy’s Tavern, I still managed to bring home three hundred last night. It was a start, and more than enough to get myself some new clothes for today.
I took in my appearance once again, then glanced back at the cash. I wouldn’t need to spend it all, but perhaps a small splurge would make me feel better about the training session today. On impulse, I grabbed a few twenty-dollar bills and left the apartment before I could talk myself out of it.
Walking into the gym felt completely different than it did the day before. The new workout clothes did wonders for my confidence. I was still nervous about what lay ahead, but the butterflies in my stomach had significantly calmed. I no longer compared them to a swarm of bees. I felt like a new woman, ready to conquer my first self-defense class.
Until I entered the training room.
Derek was already there, in the back of the room, talking quietly with a pretty Asian woman. I assumed she was the woman named Hana, who he mentioned the day before. They both looked in my direction when I cleared my throat.
“Here I am,” I said with a timid shrug, laughing nervously. “Let’s just hope today goes better than yesterday.”
“I’m so glad you made it! Come on over and meet Hana, my training partner,” Derek said. He was beaming, and if I wasn’t mistaken, he also looked a little bit relieved.
Did he think I wouldn’t show up?
If he had, I couldn’t blame him. Up until the minute I walked through the door, I wasn’t sure if I’d show up either.
The woman smiled warmly at me, then crossed the room to shake my hand.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
“It’s nice to meet you too, Hana.” Her hand was small but the handshake was firm. Still, her tiny frame made me wonder how in the world she’d be able to defend herself against someone as tall and muscular as Derek.
“I was just talking to Derek about how to approach your sessions. Why don’t we sit on the mats and we’ll explain things? I thought it might be best if you knew what to expect before jumping right into watching Derek and me demonstrate.”
“Sure, that sounds good.”
The three of us moved to the center of the room and lowered down to the mat. Once seated comfortably, Derek began.
“I want to apologize again for yesterday. My defense classes have a sense of community. The people support and respect each other, so I tend to forget a newcomer hasn’t had time to embrace that yet. I usually follow an order of steps, such as discovering a person’s triggers before engaging in physical contact. I skipped ahead, and I’m very sorry.”
I warmed to the sincerity in his voice. There was something about him I wasn’t able to figure out. I wasn’t sure if it was his friendliness, the way he looked, or a combination of both. I only knew I was drawn to him in an inexplicable way. I found his mere presence calming in ways I wasn’t quite ready to confront.
“It’s okay, Derek. Really. You don’t need to apologize.”
“Derek is the best. He taught me everything I know,” Hana assured. “Self-defense training is not just about the physical act of learning how to protect yourself. We teach Krav Maga here. And yes, Krav Maga involves real kicking and hand-to-hand fighting. That’s the core of self-defense, but I don’t want you to be scared by that. Derek and I are here to teach you how to protect yourself from getting kicked and punched as well as how to use kicks and punches to deflect an attacker. If at any point you feel uncomfortable, all you have to do is say so, and we’ll change course.”
I nodded, reminding myself they were here to help me. Quitting before I even had a chance to learn anything would get me nowhere.
“Okay, I’ll make sure to speak up this time. I won’t run out like I did yesterday.”
“I hope you don’t, but if you need to, there’s no judgment here. Our goal is to help you,” she reiterated. “If you’re ready, have a seat on one of the chairs against the wall. Derek and I will begin a basic demonstration.”
Following her instructions, I stood and headed to the line of chairs as Derek and Hana positioned themselves in the center of the mat. Derek began to pace in a circle while Hana stood motionless.