I swallowed the lump in my throat, terrified to tell him his fears matched my own. Instead of responding right away, I flagged down a waitress who was walking around with a tray of bubbly champagne for guests to purchase. I fumbled in my purse for a twenty, but Derek beat me to it. After paying the waitress, he handed me a flute and kept one for himself. I downed mine in one long gulp. I wasn’t a big drinker, so combined with the wine I’d had at dinner, the champagne went right to my head. I smiled weakly and shrugged.
“What can I say? It was good champagne.”
“Talk to me, Sparky.” Derek eyed me warily. “What’s wrong?”
I stared at him, trying to articulate how I was feeling. I could tell him he made me feel safe, then immediately contradict that with all the reasons he terrified me. I could tell him the truth about being legally married, which could potentially shatter the fragile trust we had. I could share all the terrible things Ethan did to me, but that would bring me back to that final night—a night I wanted to bury forever.
Right now, I just wanted to be happy—to feel good. I wanted to be kissed and feel like a whole woman again but the idea of wanting a man again nearly choked me. I would love to give in and completely surrender—pretend I wasn’t broken for just one moment—but Derek was right. I was afraid, and I wasn’t sure if my body was capable of physical intimacy or pleasure anymore.
I had been attending group therapy sessions at Stone’s Hope, a women’s shelter not far from my apartment. The sessions made me see I wasn’t alone. They stressed that there wasn’t a miracle elixir to heal my pain. Only time could do that. I worried my mental scars ran much deeper than the physical ones. I’d relied too much on the shelter of my body to keep them safely hidden away, and I wasn’t sure if I was ready to rip them open again.
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, inhaling his woody, spicy scent that was already so familiar. The only way for me to know any of the answers was to dive into the dark and murky waters to see if I could swim again. Opening my eyes, I looked deep into the depths of his.
“Why haven’t you tried to kiss me?” I whispered.
“Is that what you want me to do?”
I blinked, not sure how to respond. I didn’t expect him to counter with that.
“Well, er…yeah. I mean, we’re on a date. Isn’t that what comes next?”
He looked at me as if I was a mismatched puzzle and the pieces weren’t quite fitting where they should.
“We’ve covered a lot of ground since you moved here. I know you’re not ready for anything serious, and you want to go slow.” He paused and set his glass down near his feet, then stood and snaked his arms around my waist. When he spoke again, his voice was hoarse and ragged, and his hazel eyes were a blazing inferno of desire. “You have to set the pace here, Sparky. I won’t kiss you until you give me permission.”
I thought back to the day he first tried to convince me to take a self-defense class. He promised not to push me to do anything until I was ready—and he’d been following that motto ever since.
“You really are a boy scout, aren’t you?”
“I’m sorry?”
“I mean you’re a good man, Derek. Almost too good to be true,” I explained with a small smile.
He reached up and gently cupped my face, and his hazel eyes turned hypnotic—spellbinding and alluring. I could feel his warm breath mingling with mine as his thumb grazed my cheek. His other hand reached up to grip the nape of my neck and my heart began to pound. His lips were only inches away from mine but he didn’t close the remaining gap. For a few moments, he simply looked at me.
“I want to kiss you,” he stated, his voice husky and low.
“Then kiss me.”
I could still feel his uncertainty—as if he thought I was a scared rabbit who could be spooked at a moment’s notice. Perhaps I was, but I didn’t want to wait to find out. I wanted to feel his lips on mine. Closing the small remaining gap between us, I pressed my mouth to his.
The moment our lips connected, I felt a current charge down my spine. Electric. Energizing. My tongue darted out to test the seam of his lips. He opened and allowed me to taste with savory, hungry licks, and I felt his gasp more than I heard it. Cupping the nape of my nape, he angled his head and deepened the kiss. Our lips grew urgent in frantic need, both of us terrified of breaking the electric thread holding us together.
The other people on the boat ceased to exist. We were in our own world, his kisses erasing away every kiss that came before. His tongue tangled with mine in a tentative exploration I felt all the way to the tips of my toes. I sifted my fingers through his misbehaving waves and my core tightened.
Kissing him made me realize this part of me—my desire—hadn’t gone away forever. It had only been lying dormant—and Derek Mills had awakened it.
25
Val (Gianna)
Derek and I stood outside the door to my apartment, reluctant to have the night come to a close. Reaching into my purse, I pulled out my keys.
“Thank you for dinner,” I told him.
“You’re welcome. I had a nice time. I…” He hesitated, and I fiddled with the keyring as I waited for him to continue. Instead, his gaze flitted to my mouth, then back up to eyes. Wrapping his arms around my waist, he drew me in.
My heart stalled, and my tongue darted out to moisten my lips. I wanted this man to kiss me again more than anything. I hoped like hell he wasn’t going to wait for me to give him permission this time around.
Heads bowed together, our breaths mingled as he slowly closed the distance, and the electricity sparked once again. Our mouths tangled and I couldn’t get enough of him on my tongue. Aligning our bodies, he pulled me closer. He suckled my lips between his, then dipped his tongue in to taste mine. When his hand found the hem of my shirt, I moaned from the feel of his warm hand against the bare skin of my waist. My fingers curled at his nape and I contemplated inviting him inside.
However, before I could offer the invitation, the thumping bass from the dance club next door began to rattle the walls, effectively disrupting any thoughts I had about making a decision I would probably regret. Inviting Derek inside would only lead to one thing—the very thing I didn’t think I was ready for. Reluctantly, I pulled my lips away but kept my forehead pressed to his as I looked down at my watch.
“Right on time,” Derek said.
“What’s right on time?”
“The music. It’s ten o’clock on a Saturday. That’s when Club Revolution opens its doors.”
“It’s also when the walls in the hallways begin to shake,” I joked, pointing to one of the trembling light fixtures in the hallway. “I know it can’t be helped, but I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to it.”
“I used to have an apartment here on the third floor. I moved across the street a couple of years ago when a bigger flat opened up, but I remember what it was like living in this building. The noise from the club is easier to ignore if you’ve been there. Whenever I heard the music, it made me want to pop in. The club is actually a pretty fun place.”
“Is it?”
“Yeah. I mean, I’m sure the older residents of the building don’t care much for the noise they make, but it’s grown on me.” He scratched his chin and cocked his head to one side contemplatively. “We should go together one weekend.”