My wife.
My son.
My family.
“I’m looking forward to spending every single day, and every single night, with my beautiful wife. I love you, Amelia. Until the day I die. No, that’s not right. Beyond that. For always. Forever. You and me.”
“I’ll never stop loving you,” she whispers.
“I know, baby. Now, let’s get upstairs and spend the first night of the rest of our lives in the best way possible.”
“How’s that?”
“Together.”
As I lie awake that night with my wife asleep, tucked safely into my arms, and our son dozing next to the bed, I reflect on the past year and what’s brought me to this moment. When I set off for Crystal Cove a year ago, I had no idea how immensely my life would change. Part of me wonders if Mom had some sort of premonition. Somehow she knew I needed to be there that summer. I wasn’t supposed to be there. Amelia wasn’t supposed to be there. Yet we both ended up in the same place at the same time, needing each other in ways we hadn’t foreseen. Ways we both fought until it was almost too late.
A tiny cry breaks the silence in the room. When Amelia stirs, I brush her hair back, placing a soft kiss on her forehead. “I’ve got him, Melia. You keep sleeping.”
Trying to be as quiet as can be, I rise and round the bed, smiling when I see Branson’s arms stretched up in the air. The moonlight streaming in through the window allows me to see his face scrunched up. I scoop him up, investigating what’s bothering my boy.
Turns out he’s hungry. In my pajama pants, with my three-month-old tucked into the crook of my arm, I make my way down the stairs of our new home. I fix his bottle, and as soon as the nipple slips between his lips, he’s one contented baby.
As he suckles the bottle, I walk to the giant bay window that looks out over the backyard. My future flashes before my eyes. I missed this pregnancy with Amelia, and it’s my mission to experience it time and time again. I never thought I wanted a big family, but the minute I found out I had a son, that all changed. I plan to give him siblings—as soon as damn possible.
I think back to what Mom said earlier about not being ready for us to leave. She’s always lamented that time goes by too quickly, that kids grow at the speed of light. I don’t know if that’s true, but no matter what, I’m going to spend my life making memories in this place. With Amelia. With Branson. And with whatever other children we’re blessed with.
Amelia’s taken everything from me. My hopes, my dreams, my future. Every single thing I had planned for my life was lost the moment I laid eyes on her. If I’d had any idea just how life-altering meeting her would be, I don’t know if I’d have taken that step towards her that night at Mickey’s. If I hadn’t, I don’t know how I could possibly live a fulfilling life.
Because, yeah, Amelia took it all. But she’s also given me everything. Herself, my son, my hopes, my dreams, my future. A future I couldn’t have ever imagined wanting. A future I can’t ever imagine now losing. Before her, I thought I knew the man I was. The man I wanted to become. With her, I’m the man I’m meant to be.
Falling in love with Amelia wasn’t easy.
It wasn’t hard.
It just…was.
She’s the renewal I didn’t know I desperately needed. Loving her is like waking up for the first time. Taking my very first breath. Seeing the very first sunrise and wishing to go to bed just to do it all over again. To do her all over again.
And what do you know? I’ll spend the rest of my life doing just that.
And her.
Present Day
DEATH AND I HAVE BECOME intimately acquainted during my time in the Army. I’ve lost countless brothers in the field and far too many to tragedy when we’ve returned home from the war.
Nothing, not a mortar attack, an improvised explosive device blowing up our vehicle, or watching a man step on a landmine, has anything on watching my father clutch his chest and sink to the ground.
It’s all a blur. Mom rushing to his side. Andi scrambling to get Cohen. My baby bro rushing in and taking action when all I can do is watch on the sidelines. It doesn’t make sense. I’m trained to run in, provide aid no matter the injury, no matter the problem. But I can’t. I am rooted in my spot, a helpless spectator. McAllister and Montgomery would give me so much shit if they could see me now.
My only saving grace is my wife’s arms sliding around me and holding me tight.
Charlie anchors me. Keeps me afloat. Just like she always has. Just like she always will.
We haven’t had enough time, me and Dad.
I can’t lose my old man. Not like this.
When I decided to go into medicine, it was because I wanted to help people. Save lives. I can’t count how many times I’ve had to call family members into a secluded room to give them the news that their loved one hadn’t made it. No matter how often it happens, it never gets easier.
But I never thought it’d be my family that would be sitting in that intensive care unit waiting room, desperate for news. I never thought it’d be my father on that table, and as much as it’s killing me that I’m not performing the operation, I understand it. I am too close.
With my family in the waiting room, and watching my dad’s surgery from the gallery, I’ve never felt so damn helpless. I’m being pulled in two different directions. I want to be with my family, to comfort Mom, and find my own solace with those I love the most.
But it something happens to Dad on that operating table, I want to be the one to break the news.
I just pray to God it doesn’t come to that. We’ve only just become a family again. We can’t fall apart now.
My arm instinctively wraps around Mom’s shoulders as she lowers herself into the uncomfortable seat beside me. She spent the first few hours pacing up and down the halls, waiting for any news about Dad. Eventually, Ariana brought her a cup of coffee and persuaded her to take a seat.
“I’m so glad you boys are all here. That Cohen’s back there with his dad. I couldn’t do this without you.” She glances at her daughters-in-law, from Andi to Charlie, then to my wife, Ari. “Any of you.”
“Mom, there’s no place we’d rather be,” I tell her.
She uses a tissue to wipe the corners of her red-rimmed, exhaustion-filled eyes. “I know. What about the children? If any of you need to get back, I understand.”
Charlie gives Mom’s hand a squeeze. “Dad and Olivia are watching the whole brood at our place. Trust me, they’re enjoying their time with the little ones.”
Mom laughs at the idea of Charlie’s boisterous father and strong-willed stepmother watching their twins as well as my own three little hellions.
“For the longest time, this is how I imagined my life turning out. My three boys growing up to raise families of their own. And then everything got ripped apart. I wasn’t sure we’d ever get back to this place. Yet here we are.”
“Ma, it’s in the past. Let it stay there,” Knox says from where he’s holding up the wall across from us.
The faintest smile crosses Mom’s lips. “You’re right, honey. But the past wasn’t all bad, you know. If there wasn’t a past, none of you would be here.” She rests her back against the wall, letting out a sigh. “Your dad and I never told you the story of how we met.”