‘I don’t know. I think you do, though.’ As I say it, I’m aware that it doesn’t feel true.
He doesn’t know. Everything else I’ve said, even if he wasn’t expecting it, he knew it might come up. But not this. Not Chimpy.
‘What’s happened to you, Beth? Hearing you say these things … it makes me ashamed for you. How have you become this? I can withstand any attack you want to launch at me, but it makes me sad for you.’
‘Nothing you say is going to work on me,’ I tell him. ‘Not until you tell me the truth.’
‘All right, well …’ He shrugs. ‘I guess we’re done here.’
‘Are we? You’re not curious about anything I’ve said? If you don’t believe the two children living in your old house are called Thomas and Emily, you could easily check. Ring Huntingdon police and ask for PC Paul Pollard. He’ll tell you.’
‘The police? You went to the police about this?’
I nod. ‘I’m worried about the children. And Flora. She would never have cut off her parents and stopped them from seeing their grandchildren. Not of her own free will.’
‘Ah, I see. You think I’m controlling Flora? Stopping her making her own decisions?’
‘She was always scared of you. I didn’t see it at the time, but now I see it as clearly as I see you standing here in front of me. All those times she mumbled, “Lew-is,” when you were off on one of your rants. I always assumed she was embarrassed, but she wasn’t. She was scared. That was her way of begging you to stop – and even that she could only bring herself to do in the mildest way. That’s why I didn’t recognise it for the fear it was. And I think it must have got worse and worse. The last time you all came round was the worst I’ve ever seen it. Do you remember ordering Flora out of our lounge so that we wouldn’t catch a glimpse of her breasts while she fed Georgina? She obeyed without question. She always obeyed you, but on that day she looked properly scared. I was too wrapped up in my own guilt about that stupid photo to notice at the time, but I remember it vividly. That was fear I saw on her face. Fear of you.’
‘I feel this is where I should say, “Much as I’d like to spend the morning talking about my wife’s breasts …”’ Neither of us laughs. Lewis says, ‘You’re scraping the barrel, Beth. Her breasts? I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t remember … No, I’ll go even further. I don’t think anything like that happened the last time we all got together. In fact, I’m sure it didn’t. Flora sunbathes topless on beaches all over the world. You know she does: you’ve been on holiday with us enough times to know. People in every continent have seen her tits and I don’t give a shit. Wow.’ He exhales slowly. ‘That’s something I didn’t expect to be saying this morning.’
‘You’re not going to make me doubt myself, Lewis. I’ve spoken to Tilly from number 3 Wyddial Lane. The woman you stalked, remember?’
‘You want to talk about stalking?’ He’s not quite shouting, but he’s almost there.
I’m in the middle of the room. He’s behind his desk. I could make a dash for the door and I’d get to it before he could stop me.
If I need to. I still don’t think he’ll turn violent. His losses of temper were always verbal only. I never saw him hit anything or anyone. He wouldn’t risk me running out of the room yelling that Lewis Braid had assaulted me.
‘What is it that you’re doing if not stalking, Beth? Coming all the way to America to tell me about some children that are nothing to do with me … My life, Flora’s life, it’s none of your fucking business. I owe you nothing. No explanations, nothing! You have the nerve to say Flora’s scared of me? You’re the one she’s scared of. Not me. You. She never runs away from me.’
My breath catches in my throat. Does he realise what he’s done? Lewis closes his eyes. He slumps a little in his chair.
Yes. He realises.
‘So you admit Flora was in Huntingdon – that I saw her there, and that she ran away from me in the car park? There’s no point denying it now. We both heard what you just said.’
I count the seconds, waiting for an answer. Finally, he gives a small nod.
Thank you. I wasn’t wrong and I’m not crazy.
‘Why would Flora be scared of me?’
‘Because she needed you to leave her alone, and you wouldn’t. Instead, you turned into a stalker.’
‘Needed me to leave her alone, or wanted me to?’
‘I can’t answer that,’ Lewis says wearily. ‘I’m not her.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘You’ll find out soon enough. Come on.’ He pushes back his chair and stands up. ‘I’m not having this conversation without Flora.’
‘Where are we going?’
‘Do you want answers? I thought that’s why you came here – for answers?’
‘It is.’
‘Then you need to trust me, or you won’t get any. Which might be better for everybody, but it’s too late for that. You won’t leave it alone, so you’re going to get your answers – whatever the cost, right?’
‘What do you mean?’
He looks as if he’s weighing up whether to say what’s on his mind. ‘Since Georgina died, Flora hasn’t been … She’s not the same person you remember, as you’ve so observantly noticed. Seeing and speaking to you will make her much worse. That’s why we’ve been trying to keep you at bay. It’s not going to help Flora to share intimate details of our life to satisfy your curiosity. It’s not going to help me either, as the person who has to look after Flora – which is why I’d very much appreciate it if you’d turn round, go home and forget all about us. But you’re not going to do that, are you?’
How has he done it? How has he gone from lying brazenly to my face to making me feel guilty?
He’s a liar. The guilt you’re feeling is a lie. Don’t let him see it.
‘If you want to protect Flora from having to talk to me, you could easily do that,’ I tell him. ‘Give me an explanation that makes sense.’
‘It wouldn’t be fair to do that without involving Flora. It’s her story to tell as much as mine. Where are you staying? A hotel?’
‘The Marriott, Delray Beach.’
‘Go there now. Flora and I will meet you there in an hour, hour and a half. Soon as we can.’
Will you? Or will you take Flora and the kids and run?
I can’t think of any way to stop him leaving his office and going wherever he wants. I can hardly block his way to the door, or lock him in.
Locked up at Her Majesty’s pleasure … Lewis said it before and it stuck in my mind.
Wait. What if …
An idea is starting to form in my mind. Of all the expressions Lewis might have used, he chose that one. He chose it: Lewis Braid.
I’ll need to check to see if I could be right. A simple internet search will sort that out.
‘I’ll see you at the Marriott,’ I say as evenly as I can manage.
‘Are you all right?’ Lewis asks. ‘You look a bit …’