I regret the words as soon as they leave my mouth. I went too far. I wanted to appease Nat with my answer, but all I’ve done is given my sister an opening for more questions. She looks at me with something close to disappointment. I don’t attempt to explain my words. I’ll only bury myself further.
Sighing heavily, Nat looks me over with blank eyes. “Vous pouvez vous mentir, mais vous ne pouvez pas me mentir.”
“C’est la vérité.”
Nat looks unconvinced. “Les gens peuvent mentir avec des mots, mais pas avec leurs yeux.”
The way her eyes bore deep into mine makes me shudder. Nat knows the truth, and she’s waiting for me to confess. She can stand here all day because it’s not going to happen. I stand my ground, looking her right in the eye. Nat doesn’t know what she speaks of. If I’m lying it’s to save Rainey.
At last, she gives in. Nat takes a step back and shakes her head. “Liv, I may be your little sister, but I’ve made my own mistakes in life. I believe I can offer advice.”
Never in my life did I think I’d live to see the day where Nathalie would be giving me guidance on life. That’s when you know your life has shattered into millions of bits. “Oh, and what’s that?” I ask, trying to keep my voice light.
“Only a fool allows fear and pride to get in the way of love.” She regards me with the gaze of someone who knows my future because she’s lived it.
A chill drifts down my spine. “Nat—”
“Did you ever think your life would turn out the way it has?” she asks, cutting me off abruptly.
Her question gives me pause for a moment. “Never.”
Nat nods. “I only envisioned love and family for me. Never this.” She stares out the window. Her eyes remain blank. “I don’t know what to do now.”
“You do exactly what you did after our parents passed.”
“Liv, there’s no closet beneath the staircase to hide in,” she says with a straight face.
I smile and gently elbow her arm. “The closet remains at Belgrave.”
Nat’s shaking her head before I can finish my sentence. “I need to stay here for now.”
That’s not the answer I want to hear. I think both Rainey and I envisioned Nat coming back to Charleston with us. Brignac House is not where she belongs. This place has stolen part of her spirit.
“What is here?”
“Nothin’. But things must be put to rights.”
At that, I nod. I understand the need to finish what you’ve started. Even now, I have the urge to find Rainey and tell her what Étienne’s said in the telegram
“Whenever you decide to come home, we will be waitin’ with open arms.”
Nat tilts her head, and for a moment, she stares at me with hopefulness that I don’t anticipate. “Everyone?”
I find myself nodding before she can finish her question. “Of course.”
Because I don’t know how to make this better. Because there’s no time to build a closet beneath the staircase for her to hide in, I offer my arms to her.
For the first time since I’ve arrived, Nat’s eyes well up with tears. She rests her cheek against my chest. My arms securely wrap around her. She doesn’t sob, but her small body gently shakes.
I don’t know how long we stand there. But I would’ve stood there for as long as she needed me to. Nathalie was my little sister and one of my best friends.
Soon, her cries turn to sniffles. She takes a step back, searching for something to wipe her eyes. I grab a handkerchief from my pocket and hand it to her.
“Thank you,” she says as red slowly stains her cheeks.
“It’s quite all right.”
She blows her nose and gives me a weak smile, but I can already see the walls she’s built around herself coming back up. “Excuse me. I need to gather myself.”
I step to the side to let her pass. “Of course.”
She brushes past me, tightly clutching my handkerchief. Once she’s at the door, she stops and looks at me. “Liv?”
I lift a brow. “Yes, Nat?”
“Love her or let her free.”
Nathalie walks out of the room, softly closing the door behind her. As I walk back to the table to pick up Étienne’s telegram, my sister’s words linger around me while Rainey’s scent clings to my skin.
Heavily, I fall back onto the settee behind me and drop my head into my hands.
I don’t know how to love a person with Rainey’s strength and will. But I can’t let her free.
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
Livingston
I’ve had my fair share of uncomfortable dinners. But I firmly believe those dinners have been preparing me for the time spent at Brignac House because no dinner can compare to the agonizing silence surrounding this table.
I want to believe it’s because of Oliver’s death but my sister and the servants appear undaunted by the quiet. In fact, I’ve never seen a staff serve food around a dinner table so quickly and silently.
My eyes keep lifting, expecting to see Rainey sitting across from me. She would be just as amused by this spectacle. But she’s nowhere to be found. She was noticeably absent for lunch and I haven’t seen her all day.
After enduring two courses with no one saying a word, I decide to speak. “Where is Rainey?”
Nat’s gaze veers toward Matilda, almost as though she’s judging her reaction. Matilda stares at her plate with intense focus. Is she in a trance? Then, abruptly, she lifts her gaze and looks around the dinner table as if a conversation has been taking place the minute we all sat down, and she’s ready to participate.
My God, this woman is strange. I’m counting down the seconds until our train leaves for Charleston.
Leonore wipes the corners of her mouth before she speaks. “I believe she’s in her room. She isn’t feelin’ well.” Very swiftly, Leonore looks away, and takes a drink. A red stain creeps onto her cheeks.
I arch a brow. Leonore is lying for her daughter. I shift in my seat, and look at my plate, thinking on how to best answer her. “How unfortunate. Please give her my regards.”
She dips her head and gives me a strained smile. “I certainly will. I think it’s the travelin’. It can be awfully taxin’ on the body.”
I’m willing to bet my entire trust fund that if I went upstairs and walked into Rainey’s room, I wouldn’t find her ill and lying in her bed.
“That’s interestin’,” Nat cuts in.
All eyes turn to her. My sister points toward the doorway. “Before dinner, I saw her in the hallway upstairs and briefly spoke to her. She said Loras sent her an invite to have dinner at their house.” Nat stops speaking and thinks over her words. “Or perhaps it was Rea?”
“Why in God’s name would you allow your good friend to go there?” Matilda asks.
My emotionless sister looks her mother-in-law in the eye. “Because she’s a grown woman, and your petty feud with the Breymas family has nothin’ to do with her.”
Death extracts many emotions out of us. For my sister, it brings nothing out. I do believe the part of her that once cared what people thought of her is pushed to the back of her mind or died with Oliver. Typically, I’d celebrate my sister’s bold words, but all that echoes in my mind is that Rainey is at the Breymas home … near Loras.