The way he said “good girl” made my blood boil. I was still trying to come up with a clever comeback when the elevator rang, announcing a visitor. Matteo pecked the tip of my nose with a superior expression before staggering off toward the elevator. I couldn’t believe him.
I was still glaring at his back when the elevator doors slid open and Aria walked into the apartment. She was talking on the phone. To my surprise Matteo moved into the elevator, leaving us alone. I suspected he could lock the elevator from the outside, so I couldn’t leave unless I took a dive out of the window and ended up as a blood splatter on the sidewalk down below.
“Who are you talking to?” I asked as Aria headed toward me.
She gave me a bright smile and held the phone out to me. “Lily and Fabi want to talk to you but Father forbid them from calling you, so…” She trailed off. Of course, I’d suspected something like that. Father had made it pretty clear that he didn’t want me around them anymore.
“Thanks,” I mouthed to Aria before taking the phone from her and pressing it against my ear. “Lily?” My voice was shaky and I had to clear my throat.
“Oh, Gianna! I was so sad when Father didn’t let me say goodbye to you. I’ve been begging him to let me talk to you but he got really mad and now I’m grounded.”
Grounded had always felt like a strange term for our punishment. We had never been allowed to go anywhere alone anyway, so being grounded only meant that we had to stay in the house even more.
“I’m sorry,” I said, trying to keep my anger for our father back. Lily still had to live under his rule. She didn’t need to get in trouble because of me. I walked over to the living area and sank down on the sofa. Aria perched on the edge beside me. “How’s school?” I asked.
“Boring. But at home is even worse. Since you and Aria moved out, nothing fun ever happens anymore,” Lily murmured. My heart ached for her. I’d always had Lily, and for a long time Aria, but Lily would have to survive for years without that kind of support. Of course she still had Fabi but he was a boy and would soon face very different challenges. “What about Fabi?”
“He’s being a pain in the ass,” Lily said. In the background I could hear my brother say something. “You are!” Lily retorted. “Oh shut up. It’s my turn now. You can talk to her later.” There was the sound of grappling and then there was Fabi’s voice in my ear. “Gianna!”
“Shhh, you fathead,” Lily hissed, obviously taking the phone back. “Nobody can know that we’re talking to her.” For a moment there was silence as if they were both listening for sounds, then Lily spoke again. “Is Romero there with you?”
I laughed. “That’s why you’re calling? I thought you wanted to see how I was doing,” I said in a mock hurt voice.
“Of course I want to know how you’re doing.”
“I’m fine.” There was a pause. Deciding to stop torturing her, I added, “And Romero isn’t here.” I glanced at Aria and she whispered “upstairs.” “He’s at Aria’s place, discussing important mob business with our husbands.” Sarcasm dripped from the words. “Do you want me to go upstairs and ask him to talk to you?”
“No!” Lily blurted. “He’ll think I’m in love with him.”
“Aren’t you?”
Silence. Poor Lily, I didn’t have the heart to tell her that there was no chance in hell that Father would ever allow an alliance between my sister and a mere soldier, especially one from New York. Love just wasn’t something that mattered.
“How do I know if I’m in love?” Lily whispered after a while.
Yes, how? I hadn’t been in love with Sid or anyone else. I wasn’t in love with Matteo.
Right?
“I don’t know,” I admitted.
“Aren’t you in love with Matteo?”
“Why would you think I was? I ran away, remember?”
“But you’re married now.”
“Marriage doesn’t equal love.”
“It did for Aria,” Lily said. My eyes darted to Aria who was frowning at me.
“You’re right. Maybe you should ask her then.” Before Lily could say another word, I handed the phone to Aria. “Lily wants to know how it feels to be in love.”
Aria took the phone from me, her blue eyes full of concern. She listened to Lily for a moment before she said, “That’s hard to put into words. Love is when you feel safe in someone’s arms, when he’s the first thing you want to see in the morning, love is surrendering. You risk getting hurt but you don’t care. You are willing to give someone the power to break your heart. Love means seeing someone at their worst and still seeing the good in them, love means someone is perfect for you despite their imperfections.” She grew quiet, eyes distant.
I didn’t have to ask; I knew about whom she was thinking. I swallowed hard. I could have never said what Aria had just said. Unwantedly an image of Matteo’s cocky grin flashed in my mind. I’d definitely seen him at his worst that day he’d tortured the Russians.
“But how do I know when I’m in love?” I heard Lily’s whine through the phone.
Yes, how?
“It’s a gradual process. I don’t really know when exactly I started loving Luca. For a long time I thought I hated him.”
I pushed to my feet, suddenly restless. This wasn’t a topic I felt comfortable with. It made my chest feel tight, made me start to panic in an odd way. I hurried into the kitchen and made myself another cup of coffee. After a couple of sips, I returned to Aria who gave me a questioning look. I raised my cup as a way of explanation. “Here,” she said, handing the phone back to me.
“So what else is new?” I asked lightly.
I could practically hear Lily roll her eyes. “Are you going to come to our Christmas party?”
I opened my mouth to say yes, because I’d always been there, then I realized I probably wasn’t wanted anymore. “I don’t know. Things are difficult at the moment.”
“You mean Father doesn’t want you to come.”
“The only reason I would want to come is you and Fabi. I don’t care about anyone else. And maybe you and Fabi can come visit New York in the New Year.”
Lily was silent. “Father said he won’t ever allow us to go to New York again after what you did.”
That shouldn’t have shocked me as much as it did, I suppose. Of course he wouldn’t let Lily out of his sight. He couldn’t risk another one of his daughters turning into a slut. “We’ll figure something out. I’ll ask Matteo if we’re going to Chicago.”
Facing Father again was the last thing I wanted to do. For all I cared I would never set foot on Chicago ground again, but the idea of never seeing Fabi and Lily again was even worse.
“Promise?”
“I promise,” I said. “Now give me Fabi before Father realizes you’re talking to me and not Aria.”
“Hi,” came Fabi’s voice.
“I bet you’ve grown another two inches since I last saw you.”
“When I grow up I’ll be at least six feet tall,” he said proudly.