What if she decides that she wants to give this guy a real shot? I mean, she gave me a shot and I clearly blew it. What if she decides that I’m not worth another shot? What if all she needed to get over the hurt I caused her was to see me again, tell me off, and kiss me goodbye? What if me coming back here was just what she needed to get over me, and now this guy is here to rescue her?
I watch her window until I can no longer hold my eyes open. They drift closed, and before I know it, I’m fast asleep.
I roll to my side and pull her against my chest. She cuddles in close, and I breathe in her sweet scent. Her hand is around my bicep and she squeezes it, making me feel like the strongest man on earth.
“I love you, Jade,” I whisper into her hair.
“I love you too,” she replies, breathless from our love making.
“I’m going to marry you one of these days, you know that?”
She looks up at me with a hint of a smile playing on her lips. “Is that right?”
“Mm-hm. I can see it now. You’ll be in a long, white dress, and your dark hair will be pulled back into a loose braid. The sun will be shining down on you, making your skin glow. And when you step into my view, I’ll be breathless. Nervousness will take over as I watch you walk closer. But even though I’ll be nervous, I won’t change my mind because I know that we belong together.”
She smiles up at me with her sleepy eyes. “How do you know?”
“‘Cause I can feel it every time we touch. Every time you look at me, my breath is stolen from my lungs, my heart races, and I can’t see anything but you.”
I place my hand under her chin and direct her eyes to mine. “I promise, Jade. You will be all mine one day and I’ll never let you go.”
My eyes open, and I see her dark apartment in front of me. The living room light isn’t on anymore, which means that they went to bed. I wonder if he’s on the couch or if he’s in her bed, where I was last night. I check the time on my phone and see that it’s going on three in the morning. I shake my head and roll my neck around, hearing it crack. I listen real hard and don’t hear anything but my own breathing inside the car. Off in the distance, there’s a dog howling. I can hear the sounds of the tree limbs blowing and the wind whipping around buildings, but there’s no sign that there is anything going on in that apartment.
I begin to relax and think about that dream, the memory. At the time, I was only seventeen, but I knew without a shadow of a doubt that Jade was it for me and that I’d make her mine one day. I told her I’d never let her go, and that’s exactly what I did. I hate myself for breaking that promise, and I have lived with that hate every single day for almost ten years. I couldn’t blame her for pushing me away now, not after everything we’ve been through. I deserve every bit of heartache she can inflict on me, and I’ll take it as long as it means we’ll end up together. If she decides that she needs to see where things lead with this guy, I won’t be happy about it, but I’ll wait. I’ll wait forever because that’s what she deserves after the things I’ve done. One day, they’ll break up, and I’ll be there waiting to pick her back up again, to prove to her that I was right all along. We do belong together, and we will end up together.
I lay my head back against the headrest, and I close my eyes again. I push away all thoughts of him and her being in there alone together. I know if I sit and focus on it, I’ll never get back to sleep. A part of me knows that I should just go home and go to bed, but if I do that, I won’t get any sleep because I’ll be wondering if he’s here hurting her. I’ll stay right here, so I keep an eye on things.
I focus on my breathing, taking each breath deliberately and with purpose. I listen to the sound of my beating heart, and I work at lowering its speed. It’s racing with the thoughts of them in there alone. I listen to the wind blowing around my car and the soft rocking it causes. Before I know it, I’m back to sleep, and instead of dreaming of our past, I’m dreaming of our future, a future where we’re together and happy and in love with a growing family. I can’t wait to make her mine and start our lives together. Even if I have to wait twenty years, I’ll do it. She doesn’t know that, but I make a mental note to tell her tomorrow. She can push and pull away all she wants, but I’m not leaving. Ever. I’ll always be right here, waiting to pick her up and make her mine again.
Thirteen
Jade
I walk back inside and take my place next to Paul. He looks over at me with confusion in his dark eyes.
“I feel like I’m missing something here.”
I offer a smile and nod my head. “Yeah, we need to have a talk.”
He sits up and turns his body to face mine.
“Memphis is my ex-boyfriend from high school. The one I told you about. He was the love of my life, my first love. And after he graduated, he upped and left without a goodbye. He broke my heart, and I’ve been working every day for the last ten years at repairing it.”
“That must have been hard for you,” he says, reaching out and taking my hand between his.
I nod. “It was. But now he’s back and he’s asking for another chance.” I wet my lips as I work myself up to get to the hardest part. “And I thought about it and I think I want to give him another shot. There’s just something inside of me that can’t resist him. It’s like my body knows that he’s my other half. So,” I reach out and pick up my laptop, “when I decided that, I sent you these messages.” I open it and turn the screen to face him.
He looks from me, to the screen. His eyes moving quickly as he reads the words I typed out. I can tell when he’s done by the way his shoulders slump forward slightly.
“I’ve always struggled with the internet dating thing. A part of me really fell for you, but deep down, I always wondered if you were who you said you were. And it seemed like every time I would mention wanting to meet, you wouldn’t answer. I thought that was my answer. I thought since things seemed to be getting serious with us, that you were pulling away. So I never even second guessed it when I started this thing back up with Memphis. But then you showed up here tonight and…” I shake my head. “Do you hate me? Of course you hate me. You came all this way for the worst break-up in history.”
He laughs and takes my hand in his again. “I don’t hate you, Jade. I just hate that I’m too late.”
I look up and lock my eyes on his.
“I think I’m in love with you, and I know how crazy that sounds. This is the first time we’ve been able to meet, to touch, and I’m in love with you? But the thing is, my love isn’t based on your looks or how well you can kiss. I’m in love with your mind, your words, your emotions, the way you can always seem to sense what I’m feeling even with thousands of miles between us. That’s the kind of love that lasts, Jade. And as much as I love that you’re getting your second chance with him, I also hate the thought that I have to go back home without you, knowing that we can’t even be friends. You’ve been a part of my life for so long now, I don’t know how I’ll live without our talks.”
I nod as I feel tears sting my eyes. “I know. I like our talks too. You always seem to get me, even when I don’t know what I’m even getting at. I think that if we could’ve met a lot sooner, that love I feel for him would’ve been replaced with the love I could’ve felt for you. But things never seem to work out the way I plan. I didn’t expect him to come back, not now, all these years later. I’m sorry things are such a mess with us.” I laugh as I wipe my tears away.