I finish the bottle, twist the cap back on, then toss it into the trash. “Congrats.”
Heading for the staircase, I call Bruno and demand he come upstairs with me.
“Wait,” she blurts out.
“What?” I ask over my shoulder.
“Why are you congratulating me?”
I know I’m being a dick, but I’m so goddamn tired of trying to win her over and failing. We take two steps forward, then something like this happens—a reminder that I’ll never be good enough for Cameron St. James—and we move five steps backward.
Turning around and facing her, I flash a smirk and shrug. “For getting back what you wanted.”
Chapter Eleven
CAMERON
DAY 6
Staring at the vase of roses on the dresser, I wait to feel something. Anything.
I was tempted to throw them out yesterday, but the flowers are beautiful, and I would have felt bad for tossing them. Not because of who sent them, but because it seemed like a waste of a perfect bouquet. I didn’t want to upset Eli further, so I brought them to my room
Zane has always showered me with gifts, and I was too blind to see the reason behind them. They’d make me so happy, knowing he thought of me enough to send something so pretty, and I’d forget whatever problems we were having. Then another issue would come up, he’d buy me something else, and the cycle would repeat.
I’m an idiot for not realizing this sooner and allowing this nonsense to happen for as long as it did.
But now, I look at this bouquet and feel nothing. Well, except indifference. I couldn’t care less about him or that he’s trying to win me back.
To my dearest Cameron:
I was stupid for breaking your heart. Please forgive me and let me make things right again.
I love you.
-Zane
If I had to guess, Kendall started a rumor about Eli and me, and it got back to him. She was never his biggest fan, and him breaking up with me pissed her off even more. I’d bet my trust fund she had something to do with his miraculous change of heart.
But honestly, fuck him.
Nothing could make me take him back nor do I want to.
In the past week, I’ve seen a new perspective in life, and it’s nothing like the one I had during the two years we dated. For all I care, Zane can jump off a bridge and forget that I exist. The only man I do care about isn’t talking to me and avoided me last night. I plan to do whatever I can to help push his insecurities away. I nearly melted against him yesterday, after finally giving in to my inhibitions, and he left me high and dry because a bouquet of roses that I don’t even want arrived.
As I undress and get into the shower, I think back to our younger years before we fought all the time. We were close until I ruined it by picking my snobby rich friends over him. I don’t even know why I did it aside from wanting to be liked by the popular girls. My mother’s constant pressure to fit in didn’t help either. There was no excuse for treating him the way I did, and I will make it up to him. The last thing he deserves is to feel less than because of our past because right now, I don’t feel good enough for him.
Remembering the way he touched and kissed me has my body temperature rising all over again. The warm water melts across my skin as I slide my hand between my legs. I rub circles over my clit, and my eyes roll into the back of my head. Imagining Eli’s fingers on me along with his bedroom eyes have me moaning until the buildup is too much. I bite down on my lower lip to keep from screaming his name. It was so intense, I stand under the stream until I catch my breath.
I dry off, get dressed, then fix my hair. For the first time in ages, I feel brave enough to finally go after who I truly want. Deciding to take advantage of this newfound courage, I leave my room and go to the second level.
My heart hammers in my chest as I knock on his door. Waiting for him to answer has me sweating with the anticipation of what I’m about to do, but he doesn’t answer. I take the stairs and check in the kitchen, but he’s not there either. There are two plates on the table and a covered dish. He made breakfast, but he’s not here.
Where the hell could he have gone?
The gym.
Taking the stairs to the basement, I hear the clanking of the weights as he works out. Peering around the corner, I spot him on the bench press in a sleeveless T-shirt and black gym shorts. His hair is pulled up, and sweat’s dripping down his neck.
Weirdly enough, it’s fucking hot.
I’m in my leggings and NYU shirt, looking like a hot mess, but I don’t care because it’s comfortable as hell.
I walk in, waiting for him to finish his reps so I don’t scare him. He’s wearing earbuds and is breathing hard, so I know he can’t hear me, but it doesn’t stop me from watching. I’m completely mesmerized by his focus and strength.
Eli sits up and finally looks in the mirror across from him. His eyes shoot to mine, and he arches a brow as he reaches for his phone and pauses the music.
“Enjoying the show?”
Leaning against the doorframe, I cross my arms over my chest and grin. “Actually, I was.”
He turns and faces me, then grabs his bottle of water from the floor. Our eyes stay locked as he inhales his drink, and the intensity of our gaze has me second-guessing my plan, but I’m determined to do this.
No more being a coward.
“Did you make breakfast, then bail?” I ask.
He stands and saunters toward me. “I’ve been waiting for you.”
“Why didn’t you tell me? I thought you didn’t want me around after yesterday,” I say shyly.
“I’ve been waiting for you,” he repeats, closing the gap between us. “For a long fucking time.”
I blink, swallowing down the lump in my throat. “It’s only ten,” I counter.
He chuckles softly, the corner of his lips turn up into a panty-dropping smirk. “Years, Cami. I’ve been waiting for you to finally see me, and as soon as you did, reality smacked me in the face, and I remembered you’re not mine. Never have been.” He brushes his arm over his forehead. “You just got out of a relationship, and I shouldn’t have crossed the line, but the temptation was too hard to resist.”
“I wasn’t saying no,” I tell him. “I kissed you first yesterday.”
“I know, but—”
“But nothing,” I interrupt, tilting my head at him. “Stop trying to convince yourself that you’re not good enough for me because that couldn’t be further from the truth. I’m not worthy of you.” Licking my lips, I bring a hand to his chest and fist his shirt, yanking his face lower. “If that doorbell hadn’t interrupted us, we would’ve ended up naked on that couch, and my only regret would’ve been that it didn’t happen sooner.”
His intense stare burns through me, and I anxiously await his reaction.
“I don’t want to be your rebound, Cami. Or your quarantine fling. So unless you can say with one hundred percent certainty it’s not, then I can’t. Don’t give me false hope. Please,” he begs.
“I swear it’s not like that at all,” I whisper, panic building inside me. “I want you, Eli. I’ve always wanted you.”