A slow grin developed on his face. “Really? That was it?”
My stomach soured. He wasn’t interested. I should’ve kept this to myself. “It was…” I said. “Yeah. It was a bad idea.”
“I don’t think it was a bad idea.” The moonlight caught his eyes, making them sparkle. “Why didn’t you bring it up again?”
“Honestly?” I tucked my wild hair behind my ears.
“Honestly. Please.”
“It’s embarrassing.”
Matt waited. He was not going to let me off the hook.
“Well,” I said. “The reason I never brought it up again was because I read that scene…”
Laughing, he balled his hands into fists. “That scene,” he said. “Grrr. I hate it.”
“No.” I reached for him and wrapped my hand around his strong upper arm. “I read it, and yeah, I did think maybe it was somewhat autobiographical.” I paused. “But I wasn’t, like, judging you for it or anything. I only worried that I wouldn’t be able to keep up with you.”
“Oh, Dani.” His face softened.
“I met my ex-husband in college, and I’ve never been with anybody else and—” A tear fell from my right eye, and I wiped it away angrily. “Damn it. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.” He reached over and wiped my cheek with his thumb.
I sighed. “I was worried I’d bore you.”
“You do the opposite of bore me, Dani.”
I felt my nose getting puffy and full, but I tried to ignore that. I bit my lip to fight away any more tears.
Matt squeezed my hand. “We have to talk about this, though. I’m only here for a few more weeks. And you work for me.” He raised his eyebrows.
I shook my head. “I kissed you before I knew you were my boss, so I think we’ve found a loophole there. I mean, I’m seeing it as one.”
“What about the first thing?”
I sat up straight, hoping to project an image of strength. “Well, I understand you’re only here for the holidays, and I’m okay with it. Like I said, I was with the same person for twenty-five years. I’m not looking to jump into another few decades with someone else.” This was true. My goal was to try new things and experience life, not to fall head-first into a relationship with the first guy I met.
He pressed his lips together. “I’m not the most…demonstrative person.”
I laughed. “Yeah, I know. We just spent the afternoon together, and you made sure to change the subject any time something personal came up.”
Matt frowned. “And my time is not my own right now. I’m not going to be super available to you.”
“That’s okay,” I said. “I get it. I have my own life—with the job and my family and the holidays and all of it. We’re good.”
He ran a hand through his hair. “I’ve told you most of my shortcomings by now, so let me say something positive. I think I’m pretty great at sex.”
I giggled. “How about you let me be the judge?”
He held my shaking hand the entire drive from my parents’ place up the long, winding road to his rental house. As he parked, he peered up at the house. “Looks like Jane’s gone.” He glanced over at me. “That would’ve been awkward.”
I laughed, relieving some of the tension in my body. I felt like I was vibrating from the inside with so much excitement and nervousness, it was hard to tell where one emotion started and the other ended. I was about to be more vulnerable in front of someone than I had been in twenty-five years. The thought terrified me but also thrilled me. I never would have dared to glue “have sex with someone I barely know who also happens to be famous” on my vision board, because the thought never would have even occurred to me. That was how little I’d allowed myself to dream these past few decades. I’d been able to envision nice closets and puppies for my future, but not fun, hot sex with an attractive man.
He held the key in the ignition, car still on. “You still up for this?”
“Yes,” I said. “Definitely.”
“You can stop it at any time.” He turned off the engine. “We can go get a coffee or something,” he added with a wink.
I laughed. “You too,” I told him.
We exited the car and walked side by side up the path. I shivered, but not from the cold. Trying to stay in the moment, I took a deep breath like Una instructed us during yoga class. A tiny part of my brain was trying to talk me out of this: he’s going to be disappointed, he’s leaving in a few weeks, he’s out of your league.
I opted to confront these inner demons head-on and address them instead of letting them ruin my night.
“It’s really been a while for me,” I told Matt. “I want you to know that because it’s the truth, but also because I’d like to lower expectations.”
“Dani.” He touched my cheek. “You’re beautiful and funny and sweet, and this is going to be great.”
I kissed his fingers, and he unlocked the door to the house.
He tossed his keys onto the table inside the front door, and I followed him up to his bedroom, the room with the flowery bedspread where I’d found his boxer-briefs on day one of my tenure as his housekeeper. “At least your underwear won’t be a surprise.” I watched as he lit a candle on the dresser and lowered the lights.
Matt stepped toward me, his darkened eyes focused on my lips.
I held up a hand to stop him. “Wait,” I said.
He frowned.
“I have an idea.” I pointed to the master bath. “You go in there, and I’ll call you in when I’m ready.”
He raised an eyebrow at me.
“Trust me.” I caressed his cheek and softly touched my lips to his, inhaling his woodsy scent. “I promise. This will be worth it.”
After he closed the door, I giggled inwardly as I prepared myself. Even the thought of doing what I was about to do sent a giddy, naughty tingle down my spine that I’d never felt before. My ex always made fun of me if I wanted to try something new or if I altered anything I did or how I looked in even the most miniscule way. But I somehow knew Matt wouldn’t do that. And even if he did think I was being goofy, it’d be okay. He was on my side. I knew that.
And he’d be gone in a few weeks, anyway. If I couldn’t get fully vulnerable with someone who’d be gone from my life by the end of the month, then I’d never be able to do it with anyone.