“Dani,” he said, “I think it’s time to cut our losses.”
“What are you talking about?”
“We knew all along that this wouldn’t last…”
“Wait.” I held up a hand to stop him. “You’re not ending things with me.”
“The manuscript is due right after the New Year, right when we’d have to say good-bye anyway.” He paused. “We might as well end things now. It’s easier.”
I cocked my jaw. “What are you ending?” I asked. “Our romantic relationship or our professional one?”
He didn’t answer.
“Because do you actually expect me to come here day after day and take care of the house after you’ve broken up with me?”
“No,” he said.
“Do you expect me to make all the food for your premiere party but then sit back and watch you have fun with people who are not me?”
“I know that’s a huge opportunity for you,” he said, “so I want you have it. You make the food for the party, and I’ll stay away.”
“Which is really what you wanted anyway, to avoid seeing people and risk uncomfortable conversations.” I folded my arms. “You’re such a coward.”
He didn’t respond to that.
I backtracked. Calling him a coward had been out of line. “You’re very stressed,” I told him. “I get that. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”
“You’ll make the food for the party, though?”
Anger and frustration bubbled up inside me. “Yes, of course I will,” I said, “because I promised Jane and Gerald, and I honor my commitments.”
He closed his eyes for a moment. “Dani, we both know this is ending, so let’s not make it more difficult than it needs to be, please.” He retreated into his office and closed the door. I stood still for a moment, waiting, hoping he’d come back. About a minute later, he appeared in the door again, holding an envelope.
“Good. You’re back.” I smiled. “Matt, seriously, I understand what you’re going through, I can stay out of your way while you’re writing, I promise, but why can’t we see each other when you need a break, like we’ve been doing all along?”
“We can’t. Dealing with a relationship right now, even if it’s only temporary, is too much for me.” With shaking hands, he offered me the envelope. He’d scrawled something resembling “Dani” on the front of it. “I want to give you something, though.”
“What’s this?” I glanced under the flap. The envelope was filled with money.
“I know you didn’t ask for anything, but I want to do something to help you,” he said. “It should take care of Kelsie’s rent, for a few months anyway, until you can find a new job.”
“This is a payoff.” I glared up at him, but his eyes stared off in the distance.
“It’s not a payoff,” he said, his eyes softening. “You deserve good things, and this is the money you would have earned through the rest of the year, anyway, plus a little bonus.”
I barely heard him over the blood rushing into my ears. He was attempting to buy me off and send me away, and he was ruining the gift I’d scrimped and saved to make happen for my daughter. I would not let another man swoop in and try to save me financially. This only proved Matt never really knew me at all.
I threw the envelope back at him. “I don’t need your pity or your charity.” I ran down the steps.
From the top stair, he shouted down, “Dani, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you. I was only trying to help. This is your money,” he said. “You earned it.”
I yanked open the front door and paused. I should say something. I should turn around and give him a piece of my mind, tell him how much he hurt me, how bad he was at relationships, and how it didn’t surprise me at all that he had no friends, if this was how he treated someone who truly cared about him. But the words wouldn’t come; they were stuck somewhere deep in the pit of my stomach, under layers of sadness and disappointment and hollowness. I’d never really allowed myself to picture how things would end between us, but if I had, I would’ve imagined a long, passionate kiss and teary good-byes. Instead, I got this. I would not dwell on it.
All along I knew this would end, and now it had.
I slammed the door behind me and ran back to my parents’ house, with all the zingers I should’ve said to Matt echoing around my brain.
…
Matt
December 22nd, two days past deadline
“What are you doing?”
Jane pushed open the kitchen door and found me attempting to clean up the mess I’d created when the water for the steel cut oats I’d made boiled over, covering the stovetop with a foamy white film.
“Making breakfast,” I said.
Her eyes darted around the kitchen. “Where’s Dani? She’s supposed to do that for you.” Jane’s no-nonsense glare landed on me. “And you’re supposed to be editing.”
“I have been editing.” I carried my bowl of oats over to the kitchen table, where my laptop sat open, ready for more words. I pushed the computer toward Jane, who took a seat and started reading.
“You got a lot done,” she said, eyes wide. “Twenty-thousand words in one day.”
“And some of them are, in fact, the word ‘dragon.’” I scooped a spoonful of oats into my mouth. I could barely taste them. They stuck to the top of my mouth like paste. I knew intellectually I was supposed to be hungry, and I had to eat to keep up my energy, but food had lost all meaning for me.
I’d sold out. I was putting dragons in my book.
And I’d hurt the one person who meant anything to me in the process.
I watched Jane’s eyes as they moved left and right, scanning the new words I’d written over the past eighteen or so hours. I’d been up all night writing, blasting instrumental music in my ears, because every time I stopped to use the bathroom or to try to catch a few winks, my mind went right to Dani and how I’d sent her away last night so unceremoniously.
I was a complete and utter jerk. But it had to be done. She was probably at home right now telling her family what an ass I was. And she was right.
Jane frowned as she read.
“What?” I asked, mouth full of sticky, gluey oatmeal.
She took off her glasses and cleaned them on her skirt. “I mean, it’s a first draft.”
Those weren’t the glowing words of encouragement and excitement I’d expected. Jane, as dour and serious as she could be, was usually my biggest cheerleader. “So, you’re saying it sucks.” This was why I never showed anyone my work before it was done.