“She was so beautiful,” I whisper. “Sofie will look just like her when she’s older.”
“I know.”
“We should save the dress for her.”
“Yes, but that’s not all that’s in this bag,” Mom says, standing up and laying the garment bag on the bed, pulling down the zipper. I get a glimpse of a deep turquoise material. “I think you should have this. It matches the beads in your hair.” She pulls out a fifties-style dress with wide straps, a tight bodice, and full skirt. The material is a luxurious Shantung silk with large, dark green, tropical foliage and an occasional deep cherry flower on the turquoise background.
“It’s beautiful.”
It is. It’s absolutely stunning, yet nothing at all I’d imagine my sister ever wearing.
“It’s perfect,” Mom confirms, her eyes meeting mine, but I don’t see any of the anger and resentment I’m used to seeing there, only sadness. “And it’s yours.”
“Mom, I don’t think—“ I start, but she shakes her head and I snap my mouth shut.
“It was always yours; she had it made for you to wear on her wedding day.”
Rafe
The last thing I expect to find is Sarah and Ed’s car in front of the house.
I’ve been out most of the day at a local dude ranch west of town, for my quarterly visit. Nothing too exciting, just routine exams of the horses and the small herd of cattle, and administering necessary vaccinations. It still takes up a whole day and the rest of the week I’m scheduled to visit the other farms in the area raising livestock.
My normal routine would be to stop at the clinic to update the ranch’s files, but fueled by a sudden sense of urgency I aim straight for the house.
The first thing I hear when I walk in is the loud slamming of a door upstairs. Both the living room and kitchen are empty, so I take the stairs two a time. The door to the master is open and I can just see Sarah zipping up the garment bag I know holds Nicky’s wedding dress. Overcome with a surge of anger, I burst into the room.
“What are you doing?”
Startled, her head snaps around, and I notice guilt behind the shine of tears in her eyes. “Rafe,” she mutters.
“What did you say to her this time?” I pelt another question at her, but don’t wait around for the answer. I turn on my heel and head down the hallway to the spare bedroom, only vaguely registering the large number of garbage bags against the wall.
“Taz?” I knock on the door and call her name again. There’s no answer so I turn the knob and stick my head around the corner.
At first it looks like the room is empty, until I hear a soft rustle on the other side of the bed. When I walk into the room, I see her. She’s sitting with her back to the wall between the window and the bed, her knees drawn up to her chest and her face buried between them.
“Leave me alone.”
Ignoring her soft plea, I slide down on the floor beside her, lifting an arm around her and tucking her close. It takes only a minute for her rigid body to relax into mine and a hand comes up to my chest, fisting the material of my shirt. Belatedly I realize I probably reek of sweat, cow, horse, and manure, but it hardly seems to matter.
It would seem I’m unable to keep my distance when I know she’s hurting. I sit there quietly, listening to my mother-in-law’s soft footfalls going down the stairs, while absorbing Taz’s grief until I feel her silent tears soaking my shirt to the skin.
“What did she say to you?” I finally ask softly, repeating my earlier question to Sarah.
She pulls her head back, and I involuntarily notice how pretty she is, even with her eyes swollen and nose running. “What?”
“Mom; what did she say to upset you?”
“It’s not her. It’s me.”
“I don’t understand.” I brush aside one of her dreads stuck to her tear-streaked cheek.
“I asked her to come,” she explains. I keep a straight face, even though I’m surprised as hell. “To help me go through Nicky’s stuff. I’ve been procrastinating long enough, and I should get it done while I still have time. When I mentioned it to Kathleen this week, she suggested I ask Mom to give me a hand. I thought…well, I’m not sure what I thought, but it actually was a good thing. Cleansing in a way.”
“So this is why you’re sitting on the bedroom floor crying?”
She smirks at my doubtful tone—which I like—but then she sits back creating some distance between us, which I like less. “I’m not crying because of anything she said. Not this time. I’m upset because I’m starting to realize a few things about myself that aren’t particularly flattering.”
I lift my knees and rest my now empty arms on them. “I find that hard to believe.” The words are out before I can check them.
“Believe it,” she immediately replies, apparently oblivious to the meaning behind my statement. “It’s me who has some soul-searching to do.”
“You certainly aren’t the only one,” I admit, realizing I should probably apologize to Sarah for my earlier knee-jerk reaction. “Let me know if you want company. Maybe we can be each other’s sounding board.”
She doesn’t answer, but she gives me a wobbly smile. Before I give into the temptation to kiss those full, smiling lips, I push myself to my feet. Bending down only to kiss the top of her head. “I have an apology to deliver,” I announce, before walking out of her room.
I’m relieved to find Sarah in the kitchen, washing a few mugs by hand in the sink. I reach over her shoulder to pluck the rag from her fingers before turning her in my hold.
“I’m sorry, Mom. I jumped to conclusions I had no business jumping to.”
For a brief moment, I feel her arms tightening around me before she lets go and steps out of my reach. “Forgiven,” she says, before her face scrunches up. “But your stench is inexcusable. For the sake of humanity, go have a shower. I’ll grab the kids from the bus and get them settled.”
I don’t bother arguing and do what she suggests. My thoughts started running the moment the warm water stream starts pelting my back, replaying the past half hour in my mind. Something Taz said keeps nagging at me. “I should get it done while I still have time.”
Still has time? What does that mean?
I rush through my shower while anger starts building in my veins. With a towel around my hips, I slip into the bedroom to grab clean clothes and almost bump into Taz dragging a couple of garbage bags out into the hallway.
Ignoring her sharp intake of breath, I lean into her space.
“What exactly did you mean, you ‘should get it done while you still have time’? Are you going somewhere?”
“What?” She takes a step back, but I simply close the distance.
“Is there something you forgot to tell me?”
Suddenly her hand is in the middle of my chest, burning my skin. I barely notice the force she tries to put behind it. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, but you may wanna back up.”
I take a step back, close my eyes, and suck in air through my nose, trying to calm myself down before I do or say something I’ll regret. Again.