I don’t know whether this is a relief or something else to worry about. I guess I should stick to relief and leave it there. I don’t have to face him this morning—a meeting I’ve been dreading ever since remembering his request to watch the dog for the weekend.
I just wish it didn’t feel so much like something was broken that couldn’t be fixed.
Before going across the hall to grab the dog—it makes sense to have her with me, in my apartment, rather than keeping her cooped up by herself and only checking on her occasionally—I change into my yoga clothes and unroll the mat in front of the window. It’s a little early for me, to say the least, since I work until the early morning hours.
Yoga is normally the last thing on my mind at this time of morning. I’m usually in dreamland.
Frankly, I could use a little extra time in dreamland after spending most of the night awake with Paxton. Not that I’m complaining.
By the time I finish my practice and take a shower, the sun is fully up and flooding my apartment with brilliant light. I can’t help but take that as a sign of good things to come. Reasons to be happy.
And having Phoebe as a companion all weekend isn’t such a bad thought. She won’t look at me with resentment or bitterness, like her owner probably would right now.
“I’ll fly out to the ranch on Monday, and I can’t wait.” Am I grinning like a goofball? Probably. I can’t help myself.
“My, that is exciting. I’ve always wanted to see one of those large outfits for myself. Though the thought of the smell doesn’t exactly thrill me.” My grandmother wrinkles her patrician nose, like she can already smell the horses. And what comes out of them.
“I was thinking the same thing! I guess it’s the sort of thing you get used to. But shouldn’t most of it be in the barn? Maybe I can avoid that area.”
“Be careful out there. I wouldn’t want to find out you’d been trampled.”
“I hardly think Paxton would put me in a position where I might get trampled. The horses sound well-trained.”
“Animals are unpredictable, my dear. One never knows what’s going on in their heads. They don’t know their own size or strength either, especially when compared to a small girl such as yourself.”
I would hardly call myself small. “I’ll make sure to warn him that he’ll have you to deal with if anything like that happens.”
“Do that.” She sets down her cup and saucer with a tiny frown. “Something’s bothering you.”
“Huh?” My smile widens as I become self-conscious. “I’m super excited about seeing the ranch and writing about it. And Paxton’s great. Things are going better with him than with any of the others I’ve dated.”
“Mmhmm. Which is why it strikes me as odd that you’re looking so distressed.”
Darn that grandmotherly intuition of hers. Am I wearing a sign around my neck or something? Maybe it’s written across my forehead. Honestly, I was feeling pretty happy and hopeful a few moments ago.
But then my stream of consciousness flowed in Phoebe’s direction. I can’t let this afternoon tea go on too long, for fear the dog might have to do her business. The notion of coming home to a wet floor doesn’t thrill me much.
And where did my subconscious go as soon as it landed on the dog?
“Things are a little complicated in other areas of my life right now,” I have to admit.
What’s the point of pretending like everything’s okay? She’ll only keep asking, and I’ll get more and more upset every time I have to tell her things are fine.
“Anything I can help with? You know, for all my years, I do have a few marbles left rolling around in my head.”
“If there’s ever been an understatement, it’s that.” I manage a smile, though I’m still feeling slightly miserable. “It’s Matt. You remember him, right?”
“Of course. The handsome bachelor at the auction who brought in the most money. Your neighbor. I’m very familiar with him. You bring him up in conversation at least once every time you visit.”
“Do I?”
“Like clockwork.”
I guess that makes sense. I spend a lot of time with him. “Well, you won’t believe what happened yesterday. I can’t make any sense out of it myself.”
“Can I venture a guess?” When I nod, she continues, “He confessed his feelings for you.”
I throw my hands into the air with a gasp. Good thing I wasn’t holding my teacup. “What would even make you say that?”
“Am I wrong?”
“Technically but not exactly. He didn’t actually confess with words … he kissed me.”
“And?”
“Is this bizarro world? What else needed to happen? He kissed me. Nothing like that has ever happened between us before. It was completely unexpected. I don’t know what to do with it.”
She lifts a skeptical eyebrow. “Completely? Was it completely unexpected?”
“Why do you sound like you don’t believe me?”
“Because, I don’t.”
“I don’t know how I feel about that. You think I’m lying?”
“Not deliberately, my dear.” She folds her hands in her lap, looking at me straight on. “It’s become clear to me that the two of you are quite close. I admit, more than once, I’ve reminded myself that a caring friend lives across the hall from you, one who happens to be male and in good health. It brings me a measure of comfort to know you aren’t entirely alone.”
“That’s nice.” Granted, it doesn’t make any sense, but it’s nice. I still don’t know what any of this has to do with the current situation.
She fills me in quickly enough. “Listening to you talk about him over the past year has made it obvious that the two of you are closer than most friends.”
“I’ve had plenty of close friends in my life,” I fib.
“Kitty, it’s not nice to lie to your grandmother. But for argument’s sake, how many of these close friends were men?”
I wish she wouldn’t pierce me with that penetrating stare of hers. There’s no way for me to fudge the truth when she looks at me that way. “Not many.”
“I would venture to say, none. That’s not a criticism, merely a fact. I’ve never known you to be close friends with another man besides Matt. And I’ve certainly never seen you smile the way you do when you talk about him. Your voice changes. Sometimes, you bring him into conversation when we aren’t talking about anything pertaining to him.”
I want to hide in a hole right now. “Is that true? Do I really do that?”
“Fairly regularly, yes.” She chuckles at my horror. “It’s nothing to be upset about. The two of you are comfortable together, and you like each other very much. What’s the harm in that?”
“For one thing, I have never consciously thought about him that way—not since we became friends at least. Before I knew him and he was just a hottie who lived across the hall, that was a different story.”
“But now, he’s a person.”
“A person who routinely criticizes me and teases me and makes fun of me.”