“But what?”
She doesn’t answer, so I slide my other arm along her back, and her hands rest on my chest.
She’s not ready. She can’t do this. She’s lost too much, and I’m being a selfish asshole.
“Do you feel that?” I ask as her palm settles over my heartbeat.
She nods.
“You make me feel this way. Just being near you . . . you’re so damn beautiful. So smart. So brave. I know I’m a bastard for even thinking of kissing you, but I would be lying if I said I don’t.”
Her chin dips a bit, and I take a chance and gently press my lips to her forehead. “And you make me feel a lot more than I’m ready to feel. I can’t . . .”
I lean back and use my hand to tilt her chin up to look at me. Once her lashes lift and those blue eyes meet mine, I know this isn’t the right time. “I shouldn’t push you.”
“You’re not.”
I am.
My hands drop because if I keep touching her like this, I’m going to kiss her, and that would be so fucking wrong.
She takes a step back at the same time as I do. “I should go.”
Brenna’s hand is on her throat, and her head bobs. “Okay.”
“I’ll be back next week for auditions.”
And I walk out of the room before I do something really fucking stupid.
Chapter Twelve
Brenna
“Because I’m a fucking idiot!” I reply back to Cybil when she asks again why I didn’t kiss him.
“Let me get this straight, you like him, he tells you how gorgeous you are, he tells you that he wants to kiss you, and you say . . .”
“I want to, but I can’t.”
She rolls her eyes and groans. “You, my friend, are an idiot.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“Do you?”
I glare at her. “Yes, Cyb, I know.”
“Because Jacob Arrowood is the hottest guy in the world. I’m sorry, even being married, I’d have kissed him before he could realize his mistake.”
It must be nice to be Cybil. “Yeah? Even if Reggie were gone? Even if your entire life suddenly dropped out from beneath your feet? Because I can tell you that all that self-assured bullshit wouldn’t be there anymore.”
That’s the thing, if Luke were alive and I never had to actually worry about it being a possibility, I would say the same shit.
Cybil’s tone softens but still has that toughness. “Maybe not, but are you going to live your life this way? Are you always going to be afraid to put yourself out there? This is honestly the perfect first relationship or whatever after Luke.”
My eyes go large and jaw drops open.
“No, listen to me,” Cybil says quickly. “He’s there for what? Four and a half more months. That’s it. It’s a good small window to get your feet wet. You know he’s leaving. You know that he has no intention of staying there, and you’re sure as hell not moving again. So, it’s perfect.”
I release a heavy sigh. “And then what?”
“He leaves and all that good sex and fun allows you to make way for the right guy. Look, you are going to want to date at some point, but that little town is not brimming with men, right?”
“Right, and I don’t know that I would ever want to date someone from here.”
Cybil smiles. “Exactly! So, this solves your problems. You can get back on that horse, get ridden well, and then find a new mount. It’s like Daddy always says, you can learn to try or die trying.”
I roll my eyes. “What the hell? That one makes no damn sense!”
She shrugs. “I’m not sure about that one either, but my point is that this scenario might just be perfect.”
Perfect is not the word I’d use. “Cybil, I got married at eighteen because I got pregnant. I have never dated and don’t know how casual even looks. I don’t know that I can go from the love of my life to a guy who is leaving in four and a half months.”
“You just said it. You don’t know how to do casual, and this wouldn’t have any other option than being that.”
Maybe she’s right or maybe she’s insane. “All he said was that he wanted to kiss me. He didn’t say anything else. Let’s just . . . not get ahead of ourselves.”
She laughs. “Yeah, Adonis wants to kiss you but nothing else, sure, we’ll go with that.”
“Who is Adonis?” Sebastian’s voice sounds from the doorway.
Shit. I have no idea how much he heard.
“He’s just a guy from Greek stories,” I answer.
“And he wants to kiss you?”
I smile and shake my head. “No, your aunt is a mess and likes to be stupid.”
He looks over at the phone, lips in a wide grin as he rushes to the bed. “Aunt Cybil!”
“Sebastian!”
The two of them chat, and I nibble on my thumbnail, pondering all that she said. Could I even do anything like that? I can’t see it as a possibility. There is nothing about me that doesn’t scream permanent. Not to mention, what the hell do I tell my kids? I’d be going on dates and being around Jacob when it wouldn’t make sense. Sure, they have already expressed that they want me to be happy, but it’s different for kids when it’s reality.
Then I’m a therapist in a small town, and that has a certain level of respectability. Whether or not my personal life is any of their business, people tend to insert themselves where they want.
And they love to talk about Jacob and the Arrowood brothers.
“Mom! Aunt Cybil wants to come visit.”
Oh, no. No way. I know her, and I know exactly why she wants to come. “I wish we could, but you have a lot to do if you get cast for the play.”
“But I want to see Aunt Cybil. She would be great to practice with if I get a good part.”
Cybil smiles, completely unrepentant for shamelessly using my son’s love for her against me. “I would, honey. I sure would. I can be an excellent Sandy.”
At that, I snort. “Yes, you’re very pure.”
“Daddy always said that purity is a rarity.”
“Wow,” I cut in quickly, “a daddy-ism that we can actually understand.”
“Hush your mouth,” Cybil snips back. “Listen, I have off work and Reggie is working on getting more flight hours so . . . I’m free as a bird. I would love to come see your little town and meet all your new friends!”
Even if I say no, Cybil will get on a plane and show up. She’s insane and intrusive, and I love her more than I can say. Sometimes, when you’re a military wife, your friends become like spouses. They’re there for the good and bad times, hold you together when you’re falling apart, and that’s been Cybil for me. Maybe her coming here would be a good thing.
And then I remember what is probably prompting this visit.
“If I say no, would it matter?”
She shakes her head with a grin. “Not even a little, darling.”
“Well, I guess I’ll see you next week.”
Sebastian runs out of the room, calling Mel’s name to give her the news.
“I swear, Cyb, if you do anything . . .”