“Jacob . . .”
My heart is racing, and a million warning bells are going off in my head. I’m not ready to marry him. We haven’t been together that long, and I have two kids to think about. I love him, and there’s not a single doubt in my mind that I want to grow old with him, but not like this.
Not because he almost died.
“I saw my life flash before me. I saw the life that we could have. I know we haven’t been together long,” he says, echoing my thoughts, “but I also know that you’re the only woman I’ve ever loved, and I want to spend my life with you. Marry me?”
Why did he have to say all this? Now I have to answer and pray to God he understands. After a trauma, people often make rash decisions. If this is what he wants, then we need time. “I want to say yes. I want to marry you, grow old with you, raise the kids together, and spend all my days with you, but I want you to propose to me when you’re not still reeling from a near-death experience.”
“You don’t think this is what I want?”
I sigh, running my finger down his strong jawline. “I think that I’m a psychologist. I think that, in my mind, I’d always wonder if this was just some knee-jerk reaction or if I was really the one.”
His eyes close, and I see the hurt there. “You have no idea how I feel, do you?”
“That’s not it. I know how I feel. I know that I love you in a way I never knew I could again.”
He leans in and kisses my nose, my cheeks, and then my lips. “Then believe me when I tell you that I feel the same.”
“I do believe you. I’m just asking for a few more months. Let’s get through the craziness of our relationship going public. Let’s let the kids settle into this and give ourselves some time to just be us without adding more stress on it.”
“Whatever I have to do to keep you, I’m going to. I want you to know that. I may have to leave to go back to Hollywood, but I’ll always come back to you.”
A tear falls down my cheek, and he leans in and kisses it. “Don’t cry, beautiful.”
“They’re happy tears.”
He gives me a soft kiss. “I love you, and I never want to be what causes you pain.”
“Then just tell me you’ll stay. Promise me that you’ll stay for me.”
Jacob cups my face, holding me so tenderly that it’s as if he thinks I might break. “I’ll stay . . . for you. I don’t know why you want that because you’re perfect and I’m a damn mess.”
I take his face in my hands, making sure our gazes are connected when I speak these words. “We’re all flawed, Jacob. It’s finding someone who sees the beauty in the cracks that makes them perfect for you. You may have tiny imperfections, but that’s what makes you who you are. I am not perfect.”
He rests his forehead on mine. “There was a time when I didn’t think I would ever find someone to love. I accepted it, and then you came into my life. I thought I’d be here for six months and leave while flipping off the Come Back Soon sign. Now, Jesus, I can’t imagine leaving you.”
“Then don’t.”
He kisses me softly, yet, it feels deep. It’s as though all the emotions that are between us come through this kiss. There’s fear, love, happiness, and a sense of comfort all silently mixed together. “I don’t think I could.”
“Good, because I love you and I want all the things you want. I promise, Jacob. It’s not that I don’t want to marry you because I swear, I do.”
“Shh. I understand it. I should have known better anyway.”
I look at him, wondering what the hell he’s talking about.
Jacob chuckles. “Sean did this with Devney, and I told him how stupid he was. You deserve a proposal, the flowers, candles, a ring . . . this was . . . you were right, and I’m sorry.”
“I don’t need all that.”
His arms wrap tighter around me. “Maybe you don’t need it, but you deserve it.”
And that is maybe the sweetest thing he could have ever said to me. A sense of calm settles around us as we stand in my bedroom, holding each other. Both of us a little scared, beaten, and whole.
“You know, if we are able to get through things like this, we’re going to be a pretty awesome couple.”
He smiles down at me. “Why do you say that?”
“Why do you think?”
“Why are we back to you not answering questions?”
I giggle. “Because most of what couples fail to do is communicate. I never want that to be us. If we can just talk, we’ll find our way through anything.”
“What happened before I left . . . that . . .”
“Was awful.”
Jacob nods in agreement. “I won’t leave like that again.”
“I won’t let you.”
“Good. Now, we have a date at a middle school play, and I’m not going to be late.”
I release a long sigh and give him a peck. “Fine, but you’re coming home and going straight to bed.”
“And tonight, you and I are going to make love. This is my warning, so get your argument ready.”
I take a step back, giving him a coy smile. “Oh, I don’t think I’ll be arguing.”
“Damn right, you won’t.”
“You’re mine, and I’m going to love you for a long time.”
He makes a playful growl and kisses me hard. “I like the sound of that. I’m hoping we have forever.”
“Me too, Jacob. Me too.”
Forever sounds just about perfect to me.
Chapter Forty-One
Jacob
I’ve played a superhero the last two years. I started off as this guy who was average and then found a suit that made him heroic. That was what I loved the most about being the Navigator. I was just a guy who could do extraordinary things. I’ve never, in my actual life, experienced what he did—until now.
“Jacob! Jacob! You’re alive! You’re okay!” Clarissa says as she rushes toward Brenna and me. “Are you okay?”
“I am. I’m good.”
Clarissa is playing Sandy. For all the crap she gave me in the beginning, she was the best for the part. Even if I wanted to stick her in the chorus line for being a pain during auditions.
“We were so worried,” one of the kids in the back says.
Another voice louder. “We thought you were dead.”
“Thankfully, I’m not.”
“Why did you leave to go to California anyway?” Candi asks.
Leave it to the kids to bring up the one part of this conversation I was hoping to avoid. I look to Brenna, but there’s no anger on her face, just a soft smile. I guess surviving a plane crash really helps with letting go of the original fight.
Not that I plan to use that ever again.
“I had to film and was doing my best to be back. I’m sorry I left you guys and didn’t have a chance to say anything. I promise, it wasn’t an easy thing to get on that plane.”
“We were upset,” Candi says without pause.
“I’m sure, and I’m sorry I let you down. Believe me, I care a lot about all of you and I fought with my director about pulling me away. If there had been any way I could’ve gotten out of it, I would’ve. Then the plane went down, and . . . unfortunately I missed your two shows anyway.”