“Well, I try to embrace pressure situations by seeing them as a challenge to reach my full potential. I even try to pressure myself during practices.”
I’d like to stop and think more about what he’s saying because I feel like it could help me in my own life, but we have to keep talking because nobody wants to listen to empty air on a podcast.
“What about the fans?” I ask, since this is something I also have to deal with. “Do they put a lot of pressure on you?”
“Sure. But that’s their right. They pay money to watch games and they’re entitled to see us perform at our best.”
“Nobody can perform at their best every single day, though.”
“True. But I think fans forgive an off day or night if you genuinely work hard.”
I nod. “I wonder if there’s a difference between fans in Dallas and here in New York.”
“I wonder too.” His slight smile is wry. “I guess I’ll find out.”
“Does it bother you when fans say mean things about you?”
He purses his lips. “I’d be lying if I said no, but I honestly try not to pay attention to that stuff.”
“Right? But it’s hard not to when your career puts you out there in front of the whole world.” As I’ve been learning the last few years.
“The important thing is to do what’s best for you and not to worry about pleasing everyone else. Because you can’t. And just stay consistent with your own values and beliefs.”
“Your values obviously include working hard.”
“Yeah. Learning from mistakes. And staying humble. Hockey is a sport that really focuses on teamwork. As kids, we’re taught to be humble and private. It’s a part of hockey culture.”
He definitely doesn’t fit the stereotype of an arrogant, entitled pro athlete. I’m finding myself mesmerized by him. I’m sensing there’s so much beneath the surface of what he’s saying. I’m dying to know more.
We keep chatting. My podcasts are usually forty to forty-five minutes long and it’s so easy to fill the time talking to Josh. When Oliver gives me a signal to start wrapping things up, I’m amazed how much time has passed. And kind of bummed.
“Let’s finish off with some quick questions. Do you have any tattoos?”
“Yeah. I have tattoos on the inside of each wrist.” He lifts his hands. “And a bigger one on my shoulder.”
“Would you rather have to fart every time you have a serious conversation or have to burp after every kiss?”
He chokes on a laugh. “What? Uh…”
I grin, waiting.
“I guess fart every time I have a serious conversation. Burping in someone’s face is a turnoff.”
Still smiling, I say, “Would you rather eat a sandwich made from three ingredients in your fridge chosen at random, or eat a sandwich made by a group of your friends from three ingredients in your fridge?”
He considers this, fingertips rubbing his chin. “Ingredients chosen at random. God knows what my friends would put into the sandwich.”
“Excellent! Well, I’m going to wrap things up,” I say. “I hope you all enjoyed my conversation with Josh Heller. You can find him on Instagram @JHeller25—is the twenty-five for your age?” I know that’s how old he is.
He shakes his head. “That’s my jersey number.”
“Ah, okay.” I list off my Twitter and Insta handles for questions or comments. “Or suggestions for other topics, because you guys all know I’m open to talking about fucking anything and having fun! Love, peace, and chicken grease!”
Oliver signals that we’re done and I heave a huge sigh. “Fini!”
“That was actually fun,” Josh says.
“Did you not expect it to be fun?”
“I didn’t know what to expect. Sorry, I didn’t mean to sound insulting.”
“That’s okay, I get it. I didn’t expect to have so much fun talking to you either.”
“I’m not exactly a fun guy.” He grimaces and rubs the back of his neck.
Now that’s got me curious. “I’d love to talk more. Hey, why don’t we go for lunch?”
“I…uh…”
Shit, he’s trying to get out of it. Rejection has always been hard for me, so I brace myself.
After a beat, he says, “Okay. Sure.”
My heart bounces. “Great!”
Chapter 5
Josh
I can’t believe I’m doing this.
This woman is kind of nuts. But kind of cute. And hot. And…funny. Goddammit, she had me in stitches. I haven’t laughed like that in years.
She’s so…bright. I mean in a shining, dazzling way. Although she’s definitely smart. And she’s open and honest and real. Wiping her sweaty hand and asking me about spitting. There’s something weirdly attractive about that.
She goes and talks to Oliver about editing and production or something like that and I stroll out into the waiting area. I stand in front of the wall looking at framed pictures. I guess these are all podcasts that are recorded here. There’s Sara. I study her logo with a picture of her, which isn’t nearly as pretty as she is in real life.
I was nervous about this. I’ve been interviewed a million times in my life, but this is something different. I was expecting some perfect chick and…I don’t know what I was expecting, but it wasn’t that.
I also wasn’t expecting to go out for lunch with her after, and it’s really weird that I agreed to it. She threw me off when she asked. I like my day to be planned in advance so I know what to expect. And yet…I said yes.
“Okay, let’s go!” Full of energy, she breezes into the room and sails straight to the closet. She pulls out my jacket and hands it to me, but I set it on the back of a chair to help her into hers. She gives me a flick of surprised eyes, turning her back to me to slide her arms into the sleeves. Hey, my mom taught me to do this.
We’re both wearing almost identical jackets—puffy and black. I love this jacket; it’s thin but super warm. I put mine on, tucking my scarf inside my jacket while she winds a huge knit scarf around her neck.
“Do you have anywhere in particular you’d like to go?” she asks, leading the way out.
“Nope.”
“Okay, no problem. There are a lot of places near here.”