The minister paused a moment, as if to let the news settle in. A quiet murmur began in the congregation.
Logan glanced back, at her. She was surprised to see concern in those dark eyes.
She shouldn’t have been looking at him and quickly averted her eyes.
But then the minister began to speak again, bringing them through the liturgy, and Sarah, determined to focus, forced all her attention back to him.
Yet his words, once so familiar, did not touch her. Once upon a time church had meant something to her, but Marilee’s death had robbed her of a vital spark—had stolen a gentle innocence that equated good fortune with God’s blessing. She knew it was wrong, but it was hard not to think that.
When her father had dropped into the dark pit of grief and mourning, he had left Sarah behind to muddle through the hard, eternal question always put to a purportedly loving God: why?
And with each day that Frank kept himself apart from her, each week that Sarah slipped quietly through a house heavy with sorrow, alone and grieving, Sarah had pulled further and further into herself.
She had broken up with Logan just before the accident which didn’t help her get through her grieving.
Slowly her father pulled out of his grief but Sarah often got the feeling that he somehow blamed her for Marilee’s death. Even though he had no idea of what had happened that night, Sarah had blamed herself enough that it wasn’t hard to take that burden on. As weeks passed into months and her father still struggled, Sarah knew at least she had to move on. Not much held her in Millars Crossing and seeing Logan from time to time hurt more than she liked. A friend from Millars Crossing had moved to Toronto and asked her to come. So she did. She spent two years working odd jobs, keeping to herself. Nursing her pain.
Then got tired of all that, applied to go to university and was accepted. Her second year she got a basketball scholarship and managed to put herself through school after that. On her own dime.
Sarah glanced down at the bulletin she held, pretending to read it as she shut out the present and the past, thinking about her future and the job waiting for her.
A poke in her ribs threw her abruptly back into the present. She blinked, looking around. Francine got up, taking Sarah by the arm and pulling her up as well. The service was over.
One down, who knows how many more to go?
She glanced around at the congregation then froze as she saw Logan coming down the aisle toward them. She couldn’t face him again. She had to get out.
“I gotta go,” Francine said, pulling out her phone. “Jacob is getting restless.” She gave Sarah a quick hug and melted into the crowd of people. Sarah was about to follow her when she heard her name.
“Sarah. Sarah Westerveld. How are you?” As Sarah turned, she smiled. In spite of the toddler clinging to one hand and the baby on her hip, Alicia Mays looked as cute and put together as she had in high school. Her curly hair was pinned up. Her eyes shimmered with subdued eye shadow and her trim figure was enhanced by a narrow blue dress.
“Hey, Alicia. How are you?” Though her words were automatic, Sarah’s heart trembled at the sight of the young mother. Marilee’s one-time best friend.
Alicia bounced the baby. “Busy, as you can see.” She just giggled. “God’s been good.” She flashed Sarah another smile. “I’ve got another one on the way.”
Sarah glanced at her trim stomach and pulled in her own.
“Mommy, I want to go,” Alicia’s little boy said, tugging on her hand.
“And you? How are you doing?” Alicia asked. “Haven’t seen you around in ages.”
“I’ve been in school. Traveling after graduation. I have a job starting next September in Toronto.”
Alicia gave a slow nod, as if filing away this information. “And, any special person in your life since Logan?”
The question was pure Alicia. Direct and to the point. She and Marilee were two of a kind.
“I’ve been busy with school.” Sarah didn’t want to talk about the precious few boyfriends in her life. It would make her look like some loser who had been pining after her high school love, when, in fact, she had simply been too busy for any kind of meaningful relationship. She had been determined to excel in her schoolwork, determined to make her own way, and she had.
“He’s still single, you know.” Alicia gave Sarah a knowing look, which puzzled Sarah. Surely, she knew of Marilee’s tryst with Logan that horrible night? And if she did, why was she dropping hints like rocks at Sarah’s feet?
Though her curiosity was piqued, she didn’t want to delve into that now. Not with Alicia’s little boy tugging on her hand and people milling about them.
“Mommy. I have to go. Now.” The toddler tugged on Alicia’s hand, dragging her sideways.
And Sarah was rescued from the wink-wink, nudge-nudge that Alicia excelled at.
“We’ll catch up some time,” Alicia called out as she left.
“Sure. You take care.” Sarah gave Marilee’s old friend a smile and, with a sigh of relief, turned.
And came out into the aisle right beside Logan’s mother.
Sarah caught a quick sidelong glance from Donna, received a curt nod and a mumbled “Hello.”
But when Sarah responded, Donna glanced away, her mouth pursed. Behind, she felt Logan’s looming presence like a storm cloud waiting to let loose.
It didn’t take a mind reader to realize that at that moment, she was as welcome as a gravy stain on a tablecloth.
But even as her discomfort grew, so did her anger.
What did Donna know about Sarah? Nothing. She and Logan had been discreet when they were dating and thus Donna and Sarah had never met face-to-face.
She had to get away. Her emotions were too fragile to deal with the animosity she could feel surrounding her.
“Excuse me,” she murmured to anyone who would care. She ducked into the first open pew and walked over to the next aisle.
“Oh, Sarah, honey. There you are.” Aunt Dot caught her unaware and, before Sarah could step aside, her aunt had enveloped her in a smothering hug. Behind her, Auntie Tilly looked at Sarah with a pitying look.
From the fire into the frying pan, thought Sarah, gently extricating herself from her aunt’s buxom bosom and giving her other aunt a quick smile. But at least this way it looked as if she had deliberately chosen to go to her aunts, instead of trying to give herself some space.
“Hey, Auntie.” She gave her Aunt Dot a feeble smile. She was stuck here now.
“Oh, my dear girl.” Dot stroked Sarah’s face, then was about to hug her again, but Sarah neatly avoided the hug.
“How is your father?” Aunt Tilly asked. “Have you heard anything this morning?”
Sarah dutifully reported back what the doctor had told her this morning on the phone.
“Don’t you worry, dear,” Aunt Dot said. “Don’t you worry about a thing. Uncle Morris and I will take you there right after church.”
Sarah gave her aunt a smile, allowed Auntie Dot to tuck her arm through hers and pull her back into the bosom of the family.
He shouldn’t have been surprised.
Logan watched Sarah scramble between the pews, headed away from him and his mother and diving headlong into a Westerveld refuge. Running away again. Sarah’s specialty.