She hadn’t been able to make sense of that at the time, and she couldn’t now.
After filling the tea kettle and setting it on the stove to heat, she retrieved a jar of Earl Grey White Tip tea from the cabinet. Maybe she was wrong. She spooned four teaspoons into the teapot, then reached into the cabinet for a cup. Maybe he was like them, and he did a superb job of hiding it. That pretense would be easy short-term, but long-term? Not so much.
The kettle whistled.
Gabby poured the boiling water into the teapot, inhaled the aromatic steam. Or maybe he’d panicked at being forced into early retirement and had done the first thing he could find to make decent money. But if he’d had money problems, she didn’t know about them. She’d never noticed anything like past due bills in the mail, or food being short in the fridge, or anything to suggest he wasn’t financially secure. Yet considering the strain in their distant relationship, would she notice? Would he permit her to notice? Not then, and certainly not now that she wasn’t living under his roof. He could be wealthy or nearly broke and she’d have no idea. That’s the way he not only wanted it but had insisted it be her whole life.
When the tea had steeped, she filled her cup, snagged it and her phone, and then curled up in her favorite living room chair near the front window. Let it go. You’ll never figure him out. Just suck it up, stuff it down, and wait until tomorrow. He’ll tell you what he wants you to know then.
Good advice but easier said than done. His fear was real. And though they were strangers, they were blood.
Make yourself crazy then.
No, she needed to think of something else. Someone else. Shadow Watcher came to mind and stayed. He was the closest thing to a friend she had, and he was just shy of a stranger. Outside the thunder moved closer, the relentless storm seeming to gather in intensity. Unfortunately, it mirrored the storm building within her. Do something.
She texted Shadow Watcher. “Any luck finding Cally Jean Smith?”
“Not yet,” he responded. “We have a fresh lead. Possible sighting in Huntsville. Troops are checking it out. How’s your father?”
“The doctor says he’s stable.”
“But?”
She wanted to tell him. To talk over the situation. But she’d never before confided in anyone else. Well, aside from her aunt, Janelle. Just once Gabby had spoken openly to her mother’s only sister and look how that had turned out. She’d come to New Orleans, given Gabby a book of recipes for handmade soaps and lotions and oils that once had belonged to her grandmother, promised she’d bring Gabby to her home in New York for a summer visit, and never had been heard from again.
Gabby still had no idea what she’d done wrong to keep her aunt from returning. But she’d learned the lesson of keeping her issues to herself. She didn’t have much of a relationship with Shadow Watcher, but she wasn’t willing to risk losing it by dumping her problems on him to discuss. “I’ll know more tomorrow,” she said, equally determined not to lie.
“Stable is good. Is he talking?”
“No, but he’s writing a little.”
“Complaining or doing the drill-sergeant routine?”
She smiled in spite of herself. “He didn’t complain to me.”
“GK is being evasive. How unlike you.”
“SW is pushing, knowing all the troops have identity issues.” Remaining anonymous wasn’t just important. It was critical to their well-being.
“Sorry. Didn’t mean to pry. Just concerned.”
Shadow Watcher was concerned. About her. Her heart warmed. “Thanks. I’m fine.”
“GK, whenever you say you’re fine, you’re never fine. You’re worried. Save the canned answers for those who don’t know you.”
She grunted. “Must I remind you that you don’t really know me?” She hit Send then sipped at her tea.
“Maybe we’ve never met, but I know you. You work too hard, you fully commit to what you do, you have no one else and you have a tough relationship with your father. In five years, you’ve mentioned him less than ten times—usually when you’re seeing him at Christmas and on his birthday, which you did not do last year. The birthday, I mean. You saw him Christmas.”
He’d noticed all of that? “I sent him a birthday cake. I just didn’t visit.”
“Didn’t know about the cake. Did know you hadn’t seen him.”
Curious. “How did you know I hadn’t seen him?”
“You weren't tense for a week. Whenever you see him, you’re as tight as stretched wire for a week either side of the visit.”
Was she? She sipped from her tea and set her cup on the side-table coaster, then shrugged. She was. “I knew you were observant but not this observant.”
“Oh, you’d be surprised. When I’m interested, nothing escapes me.”
And he was interested in her? She must have misunderstood. That’s what he had said, but it couldn’t be what he’d meant. “Are you saying you’re interested in me?”
“Of course.”
Her heart slammed against her ribs. A bolt of panic and a reed of excitement too pleasant to accept as honest shot through her, confusing and anxiety-inducing. “Why?”
“It’s complicated.”
Evasive? That was odd. “I asked why?”
“At first, because you found Troop Search and Rescue. We don’t get found. I didn’t trust you. So, I watched you, and you were sharp. And really skilled. I wanted to know how skilled, so I kept watching. You can’t deny your talent is impressive, GK.”
So was his. “You said, ‘at first’.”
“I did.”
Typical. Not giving an inch. She pushed. “That implies your reasons changed.”
“They did.”
She grumbled under her breath. “To what?”
“Honestly?”
“Always.”
“Okay, then. Fascination. You are different from most women.”
That could be a good or a bad thing. If bad, she didn’t want to know it. Not now. Gate Keeper was specifically gender neutral. How had he figured out she was a she? Since asking would be counter to her interests, she changed the subject. “You asked what my father wrote. It was just two words.”
“What were they?”
“Help me.”
“With what?”
“I’m not sure, but I suspect he’s got some trouble going on in addition to his health issues.” She made herself stop there, hoping she hadn’t already said too much. “I’ll know more tomorrow.”
“Should I put Troop Search and Rescue on alert?”
“No, absolutely not. I’ll handle it.” At some point in their conversation, she’d decided to trust him a little, but rely on him? On the troops? No. That was too far out of her comfort zone to even contemplate.
“This is all tough stuff, GK. You don’t have to go through it alone. I—we—are here for you.”
Her eyes burned. The back of her nose stung. And the desire rising in her to empty her heart to him swept through her. Words she had suppressed her whole life fought to be spoken. She swallowed hard repeatedly, barely kept them unspoken and contained inside her. Stuff it down! Stuff it down! “That’s very kind of you, but this is nothing I can’t handle.”