He turned back toward her, staring at her in the soft glow offered by the streetlight over their heads. She saw the pain in his eyes and it twisted her heart.
“Yes,” he whispered.
Missy took his other hand in hers, holding it, waiting for him to tell her more.
“She was six years younger than me and our Pop died when she was just a baby. My Mom checked out after that, working long hours, never around, drinking too much when she was. I moved out when Jody was twelve, so she didn’t really have anyone, I guess. She always dated these rough, jerky guys who were a lot older than her. She started dating Roy when she was eighteen and I’m pretty sure he wasn’t the first guy who slapped her around.
“I didn’t like him, and I didn’t think he was very nice to her, but he was older and had a little money. She moved into his condo, which was a lot nicer than the place she shared with my Mom. When I asked her about the bruises, Jody said she loved him and begged me to leave it alone. I shouldn’t have, but I did. I stayed out of it. Biggest regret of my life.
“Anyway, she showed up at my job one night about four years ago. Guy from the ticket booth came and got me. Her lip was split, her nose was broken, and she could barely move her arm because her collar bone was busted. I’d never seen anything like the raw meat that was my sister’s face. I lost it. I went ballistic. I went over to their place and I beat Roy within an inch of his life. Jody was actually the one who ended up calling the cops on me.” He looked down. “I ended up in the state pen for aggravated assault. While I was in there, she married him. It’s sad but typical. Most women return to their abuser. It’s a vicious cycle.”
Missy swallowed painfully. Lucas raised his eyes and they slammed into hers. His were so full of sorrow, so full of regret, she winced, bracing herself for whatever he was going to say next.
“He beat her to death one night,” Lucas said, “while I was in prison.”
“Oh, God. Oh, no, Lucas…”
“I shouldn’t be with you,” he said suddenly, dropping her hand to crack his knuckles as he scuffed his shoe on the sidewalk. “I couldn’t even save my sister. I’m an ex-con. I’ve got next to nothing, Missy. A crappy room and a crappy job. I’m ugly as sin. I’m—”
“Stop!” She raised her hands to his cheeks and held them there until he looked at her. “You’re wonderful,” she said in a clear, soft voice, stepping forward until her chest pressed up against his, wanting so badly to comfort him. “You hurt someone who was hurting her. You tried to save her. You did your time. You’re getting back on your feet. You’ll make something of yourself, Lucas. I know it. You’re not bad, you’re good. I believe in you…and—and from where I’m standing…you’re beautiful.”
He shuddered; actually shuddered against her, as she finished speaking. His arms came around her and his lips found hers in the dim light, more urgent than last time, fierce and possessive. He held her tightly, finally drawing back to rest his forehead on hers as a light falling snow dotted his dark hair.
“I’m going to make something of myself, Missy,” he promised, pulling back so she could see his face. “I’m not staying here forever, working as a short-order cook. No, ma’am. I’m going to make something of myself.”
Missy nodded once, leaning forward to kiss him before laying her cheek on his shoulder. But the sudden agony in her heart took her breath away.
I’m not staying here forever.
She was incredibly stupid to not have realized it sooner, but he’d be leaving Gardiner as soon as he got back on his feet. He’d leave her and go somewhere amazing like Helena or Billings, and she’d be left behind as she always was. Because that’s what men did: took what they wanted from her and moved on.
Missy could feel the heat of his body rising from his shoulder, warming her cheek, and she clenched her jaw. She was used to taking what she was offered and making do. She was used to taking scraps of kindness, feeling grateful, even if she had to pay for them with her body. She was used to being used, feeling sad and disappointed.
But she wasn’t used to anger. It surprised her to feel it bubble up inside. She wished she’d never met Lucas Flynn. She wished he’d never spoken to her at all, never showed her something beautiful, something different. The others had been clear. They’d let her know their designs from the start. But, Lucas had been sweet and polite. He’d gotten to know her a little. They’d made the emotional connection she’d craved all her life and it still wasn’t enough. I’m not staying here forever. He was already planning to leave.
At least you had this, Missy. At least you had this. You can live on this forever.
“You’re the sweetest girl I’ve ever known,” Lucas breathed, clasping her tightly against him.
At least you had this.
Desperately, Missy tried to believe it would be enough, wanting it to be enough, wincing that it wasn’t.
She closed her eyes against the burn of tears and let him walk her the rest of the way home. Like a gentleman, he did not suggest any more than she gave, did not ask to come in—just kissed her cheek sweetly and said he’d see her at work.
Later, alone in her bed, the tears flowed freely as Missy berated herself as an idiot for not seeing the big picture sooner. Lucas was broken and sad, as so many of the others had been, but he wouldn’t be that way forever. He was just like the boys she’d tried to befriend all her life, like all of the other faceless men who’d needed something from her only to leave her used and discarded.
No, that wasn’t true. It wasn’t just the same. While she’d had some modest hopes about connecting with the others, she’d never let herself fall for them. She’d given those boys and men her body.
She’d given Lucas her heart.
Chapter 5
The following evening, as Lucas flipped burgers, he couldn’t stop thinking about Missy.
She’d gotten real quiet after he told her about Jody, and even though she’d let him kiss her goodnight, she’d hurried inside without another word., which confused him because they’d had such a great evening together. At least, he had.
Being with Missy felt better than anything he’d ever known, and he’d sort of hoped she felt the same. She made him feel like he wanted to be a better man. She made him feel like he could make something of himself despite his past. She made him feel like redemption was possible, like by loving Missy, and taking care of her, he could somehow make up for not saving Jody.
Whoa! Whoa. What?
He stared at the burgers in front of him until they started to smoke then flipped them onto buns and hit the bell at the order-up window.
Loving Missy. Love. Did he love her?
He looked through the order-up window to see her wiping down a table distractedly. She was wearing the black and white sweater from last night buttoned up over her uniform. Stu had asked her twice to take it off, but she’d refused, saying she was cold and planned to feel cold until he got her a new dress in her size. That made Lucas smile. When she was angry, she always showed a little extra spirit, just as she had with those assholes and the pitcher of water last week.
But was she only angry about the uniform or was there something else? He had an uncomfortable feeling that something more was wrong and it had to do with him. She’d rushed their goodbye last night and barely looked at him since arriving for work.