At nearly one am my phone vibrated on the counter. My head snapped up from the kitchen table and I peeled a cupcake wrapper off the side of my face. Taking a deep breath, I got up and checked the message.
BERK: I’m so fucking sorry. I had to do a thing and it went way later than I expected and I didn’t have a charger. I’ll make it up to you for sure.
BERK: Some next-level making it up to you.
BERK: Shit, you’re probably asleep. Sorry if I woke you.
BERK: Talk tomorrow.
BERK: I miss you.
I smiled at the small glowing screen and climbed back into bed with my phone tucked under my pillow. Good thing I hadn’t let my imagination run wild. I hadn’t gone into a panic spiral. Well, staring at my bedroom ceiling at one am wasn’t exactly cool as a cucumber. But I drifted off to sleep, cuddled up against my pillow that still smelled like him.
I smoothed out my skirt as the fall air nipped at my uncovered legs. The cinnamon sugar smell wafted up from my arms. I balanced the plastic container with the lid securely snapped on in my hands as I climbed the steps to The Brothel.
Freshly baked muffins for breakfast, that was totally normal. It wasn’t a desperate attempt to make sure he was okay. Besides, I wanted to see him, and I wasn’t going to wait around for him to show up. I needed to take charge, right? Be proactive. Stop letting life happen to me.
Be confident for a change.
I knocked, but it was so freaking early, I didn’t want to wake everyone else. Slipping the key out of the spot behind the porch light, I checked over my shoulder making sure their new hiding spot wouldn’t be discovered. Who was I kidding? The only person out this early on campus was the mail man. Opening the door, I said ‘hello’.
I walked into his place like he always walked into mine. Climbing the stairs, I tugged at the hem of my skirt. An honest-to-god skirt. While it was only walking across the street, it was the first time I’d worn a skirt with my legs out, other than the engagement party, since I was probably ten years old. I wanted him to see me in it, and if he was promising next-level making it up to me, why not make it easier on both of us?
They weren’t salted caramel cookies, but I knew he’d like these. I couldn’t wait to see his face when he took a bite. I loved the sounds he made when he ate whatever I made. Who didn’t love some freshly baked coffee cake muffins first thing in the morning? And if I was lucky, maybe we’d get in some early morning cuddles. He’d pull me into his bed and we could doze and play all morning until he had to leave for the team bus for his game. With a quick knock, I opened the door, smiling wide.
“Morning, sunshine, I thought I’d—”
Only it wasn’t Berk in his bed. It was a girl. A petite redhead with freckles, a serious case of bedhead, and no pants on. And she was wearing Berk’s t-shirt. The faded FU one that was fraying around the bottom of the sleeve.
“Who are you?” I asked even though I didn’t want to know the answer. I didn’t want to know the name of the girl who’d just punched a hole right through the little fantasy I’d been dreaming up in my head.
“I’m Alexis. Are you lost?”
The tunnel vision started, like I’d been punted down the deepest well on campus. ‘Alexis’ came out slowed down, like someone was playing the entire world at half speed. This was Alexis. This was the girl I’d baked a cake for. The girl all the guys said was bad news, but Berk kept talking to. All through our letters, after the engagement party and after two nights ago he was still not only talking to Alexis—but apparently banging her too.
He’d stood me up last night to bang his ex—or current—girlfriend.
I couldn’t breathe. Air stalled in my lungs like my head was being held underwater and I was clawing for the surface. The burn was sharp and slamming at my ribs. A small wheeze made it past my lips.
She slipped out of bed with her arms crossed over her chest. She was small. Skinny with long legs that made her appear statuesque even at her height. And she looked totally pissed off that I was there. “Who are you?”
My chest was so tight every attempt to breathe created a new crack. If I moved too quickly I was going to shatter.
I needed to get out of there before my humiliation was complete.
“I’m no one.” I spun around and rushed back down the hallway. The bathroom door opened as my foot hit the top step. I wouldn’t break down. Not here. I’d save that for once I was on the other side of the front door. A complete collapse of the brave Jules I’d tried to be. She was gone.
“Jules?”
My fingers wrapped around the banister and I was frozen like someone had laid down an entire tube of Crazy Glue.
It was Berk’s voice. And everything froze.
26
Jules
“Jules, what are you doing here so early?” He didn’t sound angry or defensive. More like pleasantly surprised. His arms wrapped around me and he kissed the back of my neck. This didn’t make any sense. Shouldn’t he be trying to rush me away, or coming up with excuses?
“I baked you some coffee cake muffins.” I lifted the container, still not turning around.
“You’re the best, you know that?” He reached over my shoulder and took the container from my hand and laced his fingers through mine. “Since you’re here, there’s someone I want you to meet.”
He tugged on my hand, freeing me from my self-imposed staircase prison.
On numb legs, I let him lead me back toward his room.
He pushed on his bedroom door and I half expected what I’d seen inside to be a figment of my imagination. Maybe I’d made it all up because I was incapable of letting myself be happy. Maybe there wasn’t a half-naked girl in his bed. The door opened fully and there she was looking pissed with her phone in her hand.
Berk grinned. “Alexis, this is Jules.”
Her gaze flicked to us standing in the doorway like we were an inconvenience to her already shitty morning.
“Jules, this is Alexis.” He held out his hand, pointing at the girl on her phone. “My sister.”
The words went into my head, but somehow they got scrambled and didn’t make a bit of sense.
“Your sister?”
He nodded and flashed a sleepy smile, rubbing his eye.
“Alexis is your sister?” I pointed at her.
The depth of her frown increased and she glared at me.
“Yeah, she got stranded last night and I had to go pick her up.”
“Alexis is your sister.”
He turned and looked at me with his eyebrows scrunched together.
“I know we don’t look alike.” His sigh was a long-suffering one, like he’d had to have this same conversation more than once, the same as me with Laura. “But she’s my sister.”
“On a good day,” Alexis grumbled from the bed.
“That’s not something you need to throw in every time I say it, Alexis.” He said her name pointedly, like he’d had to tell her a million times to stop touching his stuff or stay on her side of the car. “And will you put some pants on? What if the guys wake up and see you?” Berk rummaged through his drawers.
“I don’t know, a couple of them are pretty hot. Especially the new one. What’s his name again?”