His mouth is hot and makes my body melt, my core lights up and every inch of my skin feels alive. Awake for the very first time.
He said I was gorgeous; beautiful, and even though I’ve spent a lifetime believing I wasn’t enough when Smith looks at me all I see is honesty. Truth. He isn’t playing games, making a fool of me. No. His cock is hard against my belly and he wants this as much as I do.
It’s hard to accept — a man choosing me — all of me. And I hesitate, even when he tells me we ought to make the most of the night because a voice in the back of my mind begins to shout warnings.
“What is it?” he asks.
I swallow, wondering how honest to be with him, but knowing if I am truly considering sleeping with a man for the first time in my life, I need to be transparent.
“When you looked at me -- when my brother suggested giving you a thick virgin, you seemed almost… disgusted at the idea.”
Smith’s brown eyes turn dark, his intensity ratcheting up a few notches and he takes hold of me by the base of my neck. A hand on my waist. His breath on my ear.
“Listen to me real good, Sugarplum. It wasn’t disgust. It was goddamn desire.” His voice is rough but also somehow romantic. My heart swoons as he looks down at me. “I couldn’t understand how a girl like you, all curves, with a perfect round ass and big, sweet tits could be a virgin. It didn’t seem possible. So, it wasn’t distaste that you saw… it was delight.”
My body weakens at his words, my knees nearly give out. He has a hold on me, physically and emotionally and it makes me want to give him everything in the world.
“Oh, in that case,” I say, with a small smile. “What are we waiting for?”
He grins, cupping my cheek and kissing me again. The fire is warm against my legs and my heart savors the cozy feelings this cabin gives me.
“I have to tell you something first, Sugar.”
“What?” I take his hand, lacing our fingers together. I’ve known him a few hours but already I feel secure next to him. There are no red flags with Smith, and the only alarm bells that are ringing have to do with knowing this is a one-night stand. My heart is going to be ripped to shreds come morning.
“I’m a virgin,” he tells me. His chocolatey eyes search mine and I can't help but show my shock.
“Really? How?”
He lifts his chin, eyes to the ceiling. “God, a nineteen old virgin is one thing … but damn, I’m an old-ass man. You think I’m a weirdo?”
I run my hand over this arm. “I don’t think that. Not at all. I just… I’m surprised. You seem so… experienced. You certainly seem to know what lines to use on me.”
“I’m not using canned lines on you, Sugar,” he says, pulling back. I’ve upset him. “I don’t talk like this to other women. Wouldn’t consider this with any other woman. I’ve been waiting for the right person. I’ve been waiting my whole damn life.”
I blink in disbelief, wrapping my arms around myself. This level of unrivaled devotion seems insane. “You don’t know what you're saying. Waiting for me? You don’t even know me, Smith. I may be a virgin, but I’ve seen things. I’ve had to steal and lie to survive. I may not know what it means to be touched by a man, but it doesn’t mean I’m innocent.”
He pulls me back to him — refusing to let me go without a fight. But he isn’t clenching his fists. Instead, it’s as if he’s unfurling his heart and offering it to me.
“You can run from this all you want, Sugarplum. But my instincts are never wrong. And you, girl, are meant for me.”
“For one night,” I say flatly, not knowing how to believe I could deserve any more than that.
He shakes his head, tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear, looking at me as if I’m both a fool and a friend. “I know we just met, but Sugar, when I look at you, I see so much more than one night. I see the beginning of forever.”
I tense at his words, wanting so desperately to hold on to them and not let go, but I’m scared. I just met this man and I’ve never had a reason to trust men. “Listen, Smith. My body is screaming yes, but my heart is pulling back. The truth is, I’m terrified of being broken and alone. I have been so many times in my life.”
“Who hurt you?” he asks.
I give a short, tight laugh. “Who hasn’t?”
He doesn’t lean in for a kiss, doesn’t draw me to bed — even though I know we are both craving that — instead, he holds my cheeks with both of his calloused hands and says, “I know what you need, Sugarplum.”
“What’s that?”
“Something sweet.” He takes my hand and leads me to the kitchen where he begins to pull out hot cocoa mix, put a kettle on, and in the pantry, he finds a mason jar of marshmallows. He fixes us each a mug and then leads me to the couch. He doesn’t tell me to strip, or to beg, or to get on my hands and knees. No. Smith treats me like a lady.
And God, as I slip off my boots and curl my feet under myself next to him on the big leather sofa in front of the fire, my eyes start to fill with the most unexpected tears.
Smith hands me the hot cocoa and then sees the tears in my eyes. “Oh Sugar, what is it?”
“It’s just… you are being so nice to me. I expected… I don’t know, I always assumed one day my brother would get rid of me, to someone who wouldn’t respect me. And I had come to terms with the fact that was my fate, you know. That it was all I deserved. So tonight, when he told me to go with you, I figured the time had finally come. That I’d lose my virginity to a man who was willing to put a price on it. But then... But then you…”
Tears fall down my cheeks and I try to wipe them away, but my shoulders shake. I set down the cocoa on the coffee table, not wanting to spill it and Smith takes my hand. “Sugar, first of all, you’re priceless. Second of all, fuck that being your fate. You can’t settle. Let yourself dream, girl. Don’t let your brother and his bullshit plans for you be your destiny, Make your own.”
I close my eyes, “You don’t understand what it’s like for girls like me.”
“Girls like what?” he asks.
“Girls who have no money, no skills, no education. I don’t have a lot of options.”
“And if you had those things, money and resources, what would you do?”
My eyes open at his words and his sure and solid face greet me with eyes full of compassion, and a body so strong that I feel like I could lean against him and be protected from any of life’s storms.
“You know what, Smith? No one in my life has ever asked me what I wanted.”
He smiles, handing me back my cocoa. The marshmallows have melted just like my heart. “Well, Sugarplum, let’s change that. Starting tonight you get to make all the decisions. So, what’ll it be? What do you want?”
I take a sip of the velvety chocolate, the sweet warmth spreading through my body. Feeling brave, with my hand in his, I answer with absolute certainty. “I want you, Smith. Tonight, I want all of you.”
Smith
She says she wants me and I'm not going to tell her no, not after a lifetime of men not giving her what she wants. This time I'll give her exactly what she wants, what she needs, and God, how good it feels to know that I am what she chooses.