Right now, it’s on me to try to come out of this year in one piece.
There’s a knock on my door, and I wipe my hands on my apron, then wipe my eyes with the back of my hand.
I pull open the door and see Filson standing there.
Filson.
“What’s wrong?” he asks. His voice gruff and harsh, like always.
“Nothing. I’m fine.”
“Like hell you are. Why aren’t you on your date?”
“Why are you here? You said you were coming in the morning.”
“I figured I’d get to work on the Christmas lights. I know where the key is hidden for the garage. Thought I’d surprise you when you got back from twirling around a rink with that piece of work.”
“I didn’t go out with him.”
“Why not?”
“I couldn’t. Not after… the kiss.”
Filson wastes no time. He steps inside the house he knows so well and closes the door. Locks it. Pulls me into his arms.
“I know I’m wrong for you in so many ways. But Maple St. Claire, kissing you feels so damn right.”
Filson
With the door closed, I refuse to let Maple out of my sight, not for a second. For so long I’ve dreamt of this moment; the one happening right now. Maple in my arms. The two of us alone. Everyone else in Snowy Valley a distant memory.
“Oh, Filson,” Maple whimpers as I pull her to me.
“Oh, Filson, stop, or oh, Filson, yes?”
She smiles as I cradle her face with my hands. She’s so small against me and my sheer size seems overwhelming in this home of hers. She licks her lips. “Oh, Filson, yes.”
I don’t wait for her to say any more. There is no need. Whatever is happening right now is timed just right. She came to me needing my help and by God, I need hers.
“I’m taking you to bed,” I tell her. “Understood?”
She nods and I pick her up, her legs wrap around my waist as I kiss her hard, her hands running through my hair as our lips collide with perfect pressure.
Upstairs we go; my hands on her ass, her fingers running over my winter coat.
“Same room?” I ask, not having been upstairs in this house since I was in elementary school but somehow still knowing which floorboards creak and which glass doorknob is hers.
She nods. “I’m a virgin,” she whispers as I push open her bedroom door.
“Maple, so am I.”
I figured she realized that when I admitted our kiss earlier as the first of my life, but now, when I tell her this truth — one that I wear as an honor — she blinks back tears.
“I always thought you hated me,” she says as I set her feet on the floor, shrugging off my coat and kicking away my boots. I’m a grown-ass man and I’m about to have the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen — Maple — and it’s about damn time.
“How could I hate you?” I ask her, running my hands over the curve of her back, untying her apron, letting it fall to the floor. “I worship you.”
"But you told me no… back in —"
I cut her off. “You can’t hold that against me. I had my reasons.”
“What were they?”
“You want to do this now?” My hand is on the hem of her tee-shirt. I want to tear it off, see her tits, pull them to my mouth and finally take her the way I’ve dreamt for so long.
Her eyes tell me that yes, yes, she does. She sits on her bed, looking up at me for an explanation. I exhale, knowing she deserves the truth but also wondering where that might leave us.
Looking around her space, I gather my thoughts. Her bedroom has been upgraded since we were kids. The narrow twin bed has been replaced with a queen. A white bedspread reminds me of her innocence and my balls ache with want for her. Her walls are pale pink and her lampshades are cream, a rug under our feet thick and soft. A far cry from my lonesome cabin.
I step toward her and when she places her fingertips on the edge of my jeans, at my belt buckle, I decide to tell it like it is, utterly and completely, because there is everything to lose in this moment and nothing to gain by holding back. She is the one I’ve always wanted. A miracle has come to Snowy Valley and brought us together.
That miracle is right now, right here. She’s mine for the taking and God, I want to take her.
But before I get that, she deserves the truth.
I swallow deeply and take her chin in my hand and I tilt it up. I wish I knew she’d wanted me all this time.
What a fucking fool I’ve been.
“When you asked me to take you to the school Christmas dance, I thought it was out of pity.”
She frowns. “No, I —”
“The hard truth was I didn’t have money for a suit, and God knows my father wouldn’t have helped. And then there’s the fact I couldn’t afford tickets, let alone to take you out to dinner.”
“But Granny and I could have —”
I cut her off again. “I know you could have. That’s why you’re so damn sweet, Maple. You’d have understood. But you gotta understand where I’m coming from. How could I explain to the girl I’d been dreaming of for nearly ten years that I couldn’t give you what I thought you deserved? I didn’t want you linked to my screwed-up life.”
She blinks back tears. “But all I wanted was to hold your hand, Filson.”
“We were kids, Maple. I was ashamed of my hard reality and there you were, the brightest star I ever saw.”
“I was crushed when you told me no, I thought there was something wrong with me.”
My heart breaks at her honesty. “I’m sorry I hurt you. I knew I messed up after you turned and walked away. But my pride got in the way. And so, I kept on pulling back until I was a distant memory for you.”
“Granny and I, we missed you.”
I run a hand over my beard, hating what I put her through. How is it some wounds never seem to heal? Maybe the healing was waiting for this moment, right here, right now.
“I have lots of regrets, Maple.” I close my eyes, still in shock that I’m standing where I am, with her. It’s the last thing I expected when I woke this morning.
“I don’t want any regrets tonight,” she whispers, looking at me all dewy-eyed, hope still lingering on her lips, in the space between us.
I lean down and kiss her, our bodies moving to the bed, our hands roaming to those places that have always been off-limits until right now. “Neither do I, Maple St. Claire. Neither do I.”
Maple
The thing about finally being with my lifelong crush is that it’s even more perfect than I could have imagined. All those long, lonely nights leading up to this moment could not have prepared me for the reality.
I’ve stayed a virgin all my life, but it was always because in my heart no man could even roughly compare to Filson Barre. He may be rugged and reserved, but he is also ridiculously sexy. And now, here he is. In my bed.
He didn’t reject me because something was wrong with me.
He turned me down because he didn’t know how to say yes.
Now though, we’re older. Wiser. And I have literally nothing left to lose. Everything is about to go down in flames… We might as well enjoy the heat this house has to offer while it’s still mine.